Our Annual Christmas Eve Cranberry Eating Contest 2009 - We Really Should Come Up With A Better Name

My family has an annual tradition of Cranberry eating on Christmas Eve. We all go around the table and try to eat a raw cranberry WHILE SMILING. And we cry out to the heavenly angels if we have the unfortunate event of getting a rotten one. Oh Lord deliver us if a rotten cranberry shall become our fate. There are few things worse in this world: war, famine, and a ban on Dr Pepper or wine. Other than that, rotten cranberries are the spawn on Satan. Amen. Therefore it is all in the cranberry selection. Take your time. Think about it. Study your berries of cran. Because it will become your 2009 fate.And we will never let you live it down if you do not choose wisely young grasshoopa. Cause we believe in the power of nanner nanner boo boo. We are very mature like that and all. But Middle Twerp made it through Round One with flying colors. Uhm, the same can not be said for Indiana Jones. If laughing at this is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Help me baby Jesus. Ha ha hoo hoo hee hee giggle giggle snort.

Selection my child. Selection. Choose wisely.
CRUNCH!

Can she smile? Can she endure? Does she have what it takes. YES -- passed Round One.Nana? Nana? Seriously? Did you even try?!?! Sit down sister. If you can't run with the big dogs then -- what is it? Shop for shoes???

Now it is time for the master. Stop -- collaborate and listen...

I only take forty eleven minutes to chose the right one. But I think we have established the power of choosing the right cranberry. The power of life and death sit in the cranberry choice. Choose red, plump, and firm. Trust me. I am a wise cranberry chooser. You see this one? Perfection. Purr feckt shun. I am telling you -- a heavenly cranberry touched by the finger of God. See that? No problemo. Watch from the master and learn. I am only getting warmed up baby. {Burp}Baby Twerp? Oh sweet Baby Twerp?!?!? Bless his heart.

Grandpa -- Who just arrived from Whoville.
The anger -- the fury -- the muscles {name that movie} ...

How you like them apples? SMILING ALL THE WAY!!!!ROUND TWO -- MT, ET, CG, and G-pa ....

Middle Twerp was up for the challenge ...
He could win on cuteness alone I tell you -- CUTENESS ALONE!!!CRUNCH! Oh now -- call on baby Jesus -- Help me Tom Cruise. Sing out to Kenny Rogers.....

Oh no -- Oh no -- Oh noooooooo

And another one bites the dust....

ET? yeah -- whatever you show off!!!

Me -- yet again -- the choice. Choose wisely....choose wisely....

I can feel it coming in the air tonight....Hold on Hold on --

Oh heavens --

this is NASTY!!!!NASTY __ NASTY __ NASTY __ Like flat Dr Pepper. Or hateful people. Or glitter with no sparkles. Or a Birthday party with no singing. Or a life with no ponies. Bring forth the rainbows and kitten. Think of butterflies. HOLD ON HOLD ON!AHHHHH -- I just couldn't do it. Sniff Sniff.....

Go forth G-pa -- go forth and make the family proud. Show us what you are made of....

And some more -- and some more -- and some more....

AND MORELord have mercy Middle Twerp -- MORE???
Take that! With a flap jack...

Oh save me Oprah Winfrey -- YOU ARE OUT!!!!Now it all is on ET -- The crowd falls silent....

Can she pull through? Then you hear it -- softly at first but the crowd grows -- Go ET Go ET Go ET...

She chooses her weapon of choice....And it is on -- Like Donkey Kong....

Can she pull through????Can she endure?!?!?!?!?

Uhm -- ought oh....

OH NOOOOOO!!! Can she survive???

She totally pulls it back together....and she WINSSSSSSMay I introduce you to the 2009 Cranberry Eating Contest Queen -- EEEEEEEE TTTTTT.

But don't worry -- I am already talking smack for next year. Amen.