Sometimes I forget about what life is all about. I get caught up in the hustle and bustle and lip gloss and designer shoes and forget to slow down. Forget that these spawn of mine are only 12, 5, and 4 for a year. That they won't always be on my lap nor under my roof. Sometimes, I forget.
That's why I have Indiana Jones. For this very reason. Someone who can yank a knot in my tail and say, "Woman, put the blackberry away and get in the car!"
Of course I say -- "Why? Are you going to kidnap me and chop me in pieces and put me in your grandma's freezer?!?!
To which his only reply is "Maybe, but I packed your Nine West pink leopard print pumps."
Little does he know, he had me at pink. 
Anyhoo -- IJ packed us up and took us to the ocean. Cause I believe there is healing power in the ocean. Just sit still and listen -- you are instantly transformed into a happier healthier soul.
Of course, a cheap bottle of wine does that for me too. But why get into the details here people?
Anhoo -- he has some sailing planned.... And I think we are all fearful of how that might turn out.
Some horse back riding --
And lots of food and wine....
Just for clarification, the wine was not for the spawn...in case you were judging. 
We, of course, just use straight whiskey on them.
I KID. I KID.
Sorta.
Anyhoo -- IJ packed us up and took us to the ocean. Cause I believe there is healing power in the ocean. Just sit still and listen -- you are instantly transformed into a happier healthier soul.
Of course, a cheap bottle of wine does that for me too. But why get into the details here people?
Anhoo -- he has some sailing planned.... And I think we are all fearful of how that might turn out.
Some horse back riding --
And lots of food and wine....Just for clarification, the wine was not for the spawn...in case you were judging. We, of course, just use straight whiskey on them. 
I KID. I KID.
Sorta.
My family has an annual tradition of Cranberry eating on Christmas Eve. We all go around the table and try to eat a raw cranberry WHILE SMILING. And we cry out to the heavenly angels if we have the unfortunate event of getting a rotten one. Oh Lord deliver us if a rotten cranberry shall become our fate. There are few things worse in this world: war, famine, and a ban on Dr Pepper or wine. Other than that, rotten cranberries are the spawn on Satan. Amen. 
Therefore it is all in the cranberry selection. Take your time. Think about it. Study your berries of cran. Because it will become your 2009 fate.
And we will never let you live it down if you do not choose wisely young grasshoopa. 
Uhm, the same can not be said for Indiana Jones. If laughing at this is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Help me baby Jesus. Ha ha hoo hoo hee hee giggle giggle snort.
CRUNCH!
Nana? Nana? Seriously? Did you even try?!?! Sit down sister. If you can't run with the big dogs then -- what is it? Shop for shoes???
You see this one? Perfection. Purr feckt shun. I am telling you -- a heavenly cranberry touched by the finger of God. 
See that? No problemo. Watch from the master and learn. I am only getting warmed up baby. {Burp}
Baby Twerp? Oh sweet Baby Twerp?!?!? 
Bless his heart.
Who just arrived from Whoville.
The anger -- the fury -- the muscles {name that movie} ...
ROUND TWO -- MT, ET, CG, and G-pa ....
He could win on cuteness alone I tell you -- CUTENESS ALONE!!!
CRUNCH!
And another one bites the dust....
NASTY __ NASTY __ NASTY __ Like flat Dr Pepper. Or hateful people. Or glitter with no sparkles. Or a Birthday party with no singing. Or a life with no ponies. Bring forth the rainbows and kitten. Think of butterflies. HOLD ON HOLD ON!
AHHHHH -- I just couldn't do it. Sniff Sniff.....
And some more -- and some more -- and some more....
Take that! With a flap jack...
YOU ARE OUT!!!!
Now it all is on ET -- The crowd falls silent....
And it is on -- Like Donkey Kong....
Can she endure?!?!?!?!?
May I introduce you to the 2009 Cranberry Eating Contest Queen -- EEEEEEEE TTTTTT. 
