Dear Sweet Precious Elizabeth, forigve me for I know not what I do. And Other Ramblings About NYC

Soooo -- I promised some dear sweet angel friends I would do a post on New York. Which is quite ironic -- me doin a post on New York City. Every time I say the word I always hear those rough cowboys on the Pace Picante commercial sayin "NEW YAWK SAYTY?!?" Cause I can relate to rough cowboys more than I can city slickers. Plus I think they have better forearms. And I am a sucker for forearms. Just tellin it like it is.

But really, I feel so inept to speak on the city.

One, I only go there on business -- never as a tourist.

Two, I have only been going for two years and I get lost walking from the taxi to my hotel -- which drops me off at the door.

Three, I am the only person there who says "Lord willin and the creek don't rise"

Four, they only have cork wine and I only know how to drink Cupcake -- which has a screw top. And is made with grapes handpicked by angels and sprinkled with love glitter. I know. I went to the vineyard.

Anyhoo -- I do know nothing about vacaing in NYC. Nor birthing babies, Miss Scarlett.

So in my embarrassment I did not post for her like I promised. And now I wondering if I hadn't been Country Girl and you hadn't been The Blog Around the Corner, and you and I had just, well... met... I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn't have been able to wait twenty-four hours before calling you and saying, "Hey, how about... oh, how about some Cupcake or, you know, shoes or Dr Pepper Lip gloss or a pencil skirts... for as long as we both shall live?" And you and I would have never been at war. And the only thing we'd fight about would be which video to rent on a Saturday night.

But since I promised I would post, and I forgot, I will now try to redeem my friendship with you.

And I will tell you what I know.

Which is nuttin.

First, I enjoy the subway. I really do. People have such unique styles. Once on the subway a man offered to kiss me. I turned him down cause he has poor oral hygiene, but I still appreciated the fact that he was trying to spread love. Although I think he mighta spread more than love to me. So my point is -- ride the subway. You might be scared, but you will love every minute of it.

Second, if you can stay anywhere -- stay at The Plaza. I have never stayed there. But Eloise has. And she loves it. And supposedly her ghost is there and I bet she is friendly and serves tea and cookies with sprinkles. And it is right on the end of 5th Avenue -- WHERE YOU MUST SPEND AN ENTIRE DAY! I have done that. And then I bought a shirt and tights at Banana Republic. I'm so lame like that.

But at Louis Vuitton I tired on everything and they brought me champagne. Good thing you don't drive in NYC -- just sayin.

And the first time I ever went to Bergdorf Goodman's. Oh my Lord have Mercy on my sweet precious soul. I. tried. on . everything. And I called everyone Daaaarling. And went from floor to floor acting like I was rich and famous. But then I tripped on my own two feet and it blew my cover. It happens all the time. It is the burden I must bear - clumsiness. IJ calls it insanity, but let's face it -- he has a limited vocabulary. I call it my signature flair.

You MUST MUST MUST go to Serendipity's and order a frozen hot chocolate. MUST! But don't be like Katy Homes and buy children gummy penises (is that the plural? or peni?) for children. Cause I went there and none of that nonsense was going on. Just heavenly sinful joys of frozen hot chocolate. And our waiter was adorable and single. So if you go -- ask for him -- the adorable single guy who waited on CG -- I bet he will remember me. Cause my thighs sang forth in glory when I drank my hot chocolate and I am pretty sure he had never seen such a thing before, being from the city and all.

Oh and go to the rooftop bar at the Peninsula Hotel!!!!! Classy. Wear something strapless. With four inch heels. You will fit right in.

Then YOU MUST go to Brooklyn and go to Coco Roco which is a Peruvian. And get a sampler ceviche platter and this drink that I had which had pineapple in it and made me hiccup. Oh dear sweet baby Jesus it was ah maze ing. Burp. Go there. It's an order. If you wanna.

Another great place overlooking Central Park is Robert. But you HAVE to make a reservation. And eat there for lunch. And say you want a table overlooking Central Park. And wear heels. If you are a girl. And tease your hair. Cause NY doesn't know it yet -- but big hair is coming back. I think God has sent me as his personal messenger to let them know.

Also go to the Spice Market in the Meat Packing District. And get a ginger margarita. trust me. I know my food. And my Ginger. Even better than Gilligan's Island!

Of course go to Times Square -- there is a Marriott there I stay at often. And go to see a Broadway show (I saw Memphis) and go to China Town and get lured down a back ally with cheap Louis bags....(If you are the po po reading this I AM TOTALLY KIDDING! ha ha ho ho hee hee giggle giggle snort)

But my favorite thing about NY is just walking down the streets. And I try to talk to everyone I meet. They all have such wonderful stories. WONDERFUL! And it makes me realize I love them. And what they have gone through. And what they are experiencing...and what they give.

That is my favorite part.

And the shoes.

And wine with corks.

Amen.