I Am A Moron

At 3:17 am this morning I woke up. Not like a stirred and stretched and yawned and finally opened my eyes wake up - but my eyes popped right open and I was UP...like toast out of the toaster. And I knew something was wrong. What it was, I could not put my finger on, but I could tell in my inner most being that the stars were not aligned. Jupiter and Mars were no longer BFFs.

So I sat up and started thinking...kinda like Pooh Bear...Think Think Think. I played over in my mind all the things that were stressing me out: The main one - work.

I have this fairly big presentation to give next Tuesday morning to the senior leadership of our company. The presentation will be at our headquarters in NYC.

So being the anal, over-achieving, perfectionist that I am; I created binders. Quite elaborate binders. Like you woulda thought Bill Gates himself made these binders. Kinda. But I put a lot of work in them.

And to make sure NOTHING would go wrong, I decided to FedEx them to the office in NYC so I would have no worries about trying to get them on a flight at the airport -- all 16 of them. And they were so good, I am most certain people would be trying to steal them and all - cause they are that amazing.

Sooooo yesterday,I had my assistant ship them to my boss' assistant -- WHO I THOUGHT WAS IN NYC. And she brought me a copy of the tracking label so I could have it. I threw it off to a pile of mismanaged papers on my desk and went along with life.

Then, at approximately 4:06 am this morning, my photographic memory brought forth that receipt. My boss's assistant is NOT in the NYC office; but in Philly. I had sent the binders to Philly.

And it is at that moment I wanted to take a small meat mallet and whack myself upside the head. But I put the pillow over my mouth and screamed while kicking my feet uncontrollably. I felt a little better.

And I know what you are thinkin -- how did I NOT know where his assistant was?!?! My boss has two offices -- one in NYC and one in Philly. I know. I know.

Anyhoo -- we have called FebEX and asked them to reroute the package. They have. It will be there by Tuesday at 4:00 pm. My presentation is Tuesday at 8:00 am.

So. Right now. I need you. To pray, rub Buddha's belly, say your hail Mary's, chant, or do whatever it is you need to do. Cause I need them to arrive Monday -- Oh Lord of the FedEx. Hear my prayers. Amen. I am gonna go cry now. Thanks.