Dreams of a Country Girl: My Birthday Weekend with My New, Sent-From-Heaven-Above, Dear Sweet Angel Friend and Melvin

I am sitting at the breakfast table this morning only a few miles from my favorite place on earth -- the place that makes my heart sing, my spirits lift and my soul rejoice. The ocean.

(Technically I am miles from the bay, not the ocean, the I think we are all painfully aware of how I feel about details, DETAILS SCHMETAILS). Basically, it's all Greek to me. And I am only fluent in English. And hick. And Mandarin Oranges. Or is it Chinese? Again, details schmetails.

Anyhoo, since I have moved to this new house in a new city in a new state in a new time zone in a new world, I have been lonely. I miss all my bajillion friends and have prayed and fasted for a girlfriend who likes to drink wine from a box and tease her hair and paint her toenails and take road trips and take my the way I am. Faults and all. Dr Pepper obsessor and Cupcake Lover.

And lo and behold, just when I thought I was destined to be a monk and was ready to shave my head and move to the mountains of Tibet to lead a life of solitude, I found her ...or maybe she found me. Either way, I have always stunk and hide and seek. No one likes to hide. The joy is in finding. And when I found her my soul rejoiced to the angels in heaven.

But then, something happened. Something transpired. Something swooped in and altered the series of glorious events that were taking place. And this something will now make me never be the same again. Ever.

So we were out the other night sitting outside, drinking fruity drinks, talking about the meaning of life and lip gloss shades appropriate for people with peachy undertones, and that is when my life was altered forever.

My new dear sweet angel friend looked over at me, "I'm going to the beach next weekend to see Jimmy Buffett and Friends play a live concert on the beach. And I have an extra ticket, want to go?"

Why I do declare, pass me some grits and sing forth a southern gospel song cause this Country Girl just died and went to heaven. In the sweet by and by. We shall meet on those beautiful shore. Gulf Shores....Alabama...to be specific and all.

At that point and time I blacked out in pure and holy joy. The beach? The place God created for me to be at one with myself and complete my life??? And Jimmy Buffett? The singer who makes my thighs cry forth in glory and contentment?

Yeah, I was in love.

So right after work Friday we took a road trip. We traveled through torrential downpours, too close for comfort lightening and fierce winds. But neither hell nor high water could keep us away from our destiny.

And from the morning until late night we were on the water. ON THE WATER. He seduced me with his calming waves and cooling touch. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear. He had me at hello.

But soon, I had to become at one with the locals. To dive right into the culture and experience all this sweet darling town and it's people had to offer. I had to eat...

The Crawfish.

Not because anyone MADE me because well, when in Rome you do as the Romans. And I love gladiator sandals so OBVIOUSLY then I HAD to eat crawfish. And I wanted to sing that song...

Jambalaya and a crawfish pie and file' gumbo
'Cause tonight I’m gonna see my ma cher amio
Pick guitar, fill fruit jar and be gay-o
Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou

But technically it was the BAY, so no one got me. It is my cross to bear.

Anyhoo -- now you might be thinking, "OKAY, so what? She ate a crawfish." Oh yea of little faith. How silly you are to think that ANYTHING would be simple with Country Girl.

I soon learned eating a crawfish was a skilled art. I mainly learned this as I was picking the shell out of my teeth cause APPARENTLY you have to PEEL them, you can't just go and eat em.

Again, detials schmetails. There's a lot of technicalities down here on the Bay.

So my lesson began.

First I learned you should not become emotionally attached with the crawfish. Do not name them. For example, Melvin here was too cute to eat. Look at those beady eyes. And his high cheek bones. He is gonna be a heart breaker. A dream maker. A lover taker. I knew not to mess around with him.

Uhm, what? They are already dead??? Seriously? The devil is soooo in the details here people.

So I put Melvin back in the bag and had a moment of silence for the life he lived and the joy he brought to every one's life he came into contact with. Oh, Melvin. Good times. Good times.

Then I proceeded to bring a nameless crawfish from the bag. I had no emotional attachment with Mr. No Name. He was not like Melvin at all.

So, I broke his head away from his tail as I was instructed to do. This took me awhile cause I felt so barbaric. So inhumane. So....so....like I was betraying Melvin and his people.

Then I sucked the "unknown material" from the head. I think it is best we just keep it there. I have no idea what that "unknown material" was, but it tasted like chicken.

Then I pulled the ever -so-tender meat from the tail. And I died and went to heaven. (PS I saw Melvin and he told me to eat and be merry. He was always such a giver.)

And I soon realized crawfish makes my thighs cry forth in glory.