To Pet or Not To Pet

My Twerps are nagging me like crazy about a pet. After Baby Twerp's mild hospital stay and his request for a puppy -- they have not let up.

The only think is, there is no consensus on WHAT pet to get. We are all over the place - from hogs to birds to cats to dogs to dolphins.

We just can't decide.

As I was talking to my friend this morning, she gave me some very wise advice that I think might have sealed the deal.

She said, "Whatever you chose, you have to be prepared to get your family photo taken with this pet for the rest of your Christmas', holidays, and family events."

And I thought, how bad can that be? It would only be strange if I got some weird unusual pet, right?Or waaaayyyyy too many of a pet, right?Uhm, Oh Lordy Be.I think it is official. I just don't think we are ready for this kind of commitment.

Oh What A Beautiful Site

Friendship. Fun. Fabulous.
Sigh.

Montana: I'll Meet You There

When I saw the previews for My Sister's Keeper. I looked over at Indiana Jones and said in the most absolute voice I could muster up, "I will never see that movie." And he smiled. Cause he knows...I only like light-hearted fun movies. He knows I become a part of the movie. I think the characters are real. I think about them. Talk about them over the next weeks, sometimes months. I have a heard time telling reality for fantasy. Does this surprise you?

I often live in my fantasy world (wink, wink). Pretending I am friends with people I never see. Or have long conversations in the car with people that are not even there -- over important stuff -- life if during theses-hard-economic recession times, if company should cut back on their complimentary tampons in the ladies room or not. I know. I am deep. Or I will eat lunch by myself at the Blue Marlin by my office and have an entire conversation with my friend about the price of tea in China. It's how I roll and all.

Anyhoo, reality. It is hard for me to stay there. So I cannot go see a movie that will take me where I do not want to be. And I instantly KNEW My Sister's Keeper was that movie. SO I banned it. Nope. Nadda. Most definitely not!

Then I flew to San Jose, California.

And I was going to be on a plane for over 5 hours. So I stopped by the airport bookstore to peruse the selection.

They had books on war, finance, healthy eating, and My Sister's Keeper.

Oh, how bad can it be?!?!?!?

All I am sayin is, while I was STILL AT THE GATE and on chapter 2, people were moving away from me because my sobs were disturbing.

Then, at chapter 4, a nice man gives me his handkerchief and asks if I am okay.

As I board the plane, the airline stewardess gives me a side hug and asks if she can get me anything.

During my flight I spew snot, give the hiccup sob, moan slightly, and have to change out of my contacts to my glasses.

I arrive past midnight EST and take a cab to the hotel.

The cab driver asks if he can help. I say in a squeaky voice, "No, it's just Kate."

"Is she your friend?"

"Yes. Yes she is,."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes. She will be. It is Anna I am worried about."

And he goes back to driving.

I finished in my hotel room in a mush of sobs and encircled in tissue.

And I dream of Anna and Kate and Jessse.

And I fall asleep talking to them...

And mumbling in my hoarse voice, "Montana...Montana....I'll be waiting."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then I saw the movie this weekend -- NOTHING LIKE THE BOOK!

Alert -- I am about to spoil the ending. But all I am sayin is ... in the book the same person does not die as in the movie.

And can I say, that while i think you HAVE TO see/read both. The book is forty eleven times better than the movie. Amen.

But I still liked the movie.

Amen.

Sniff. Sniff.

Montana.

I See The Bad Moon Arising. I See Trouble On The Way.

I know you have seen pics like these before...

and I am sorry, but there is something about this that makes me smile every time. He is fearless I tell you. " HIGHER HIGHER! Farther. Let me flip. Throw me backwards." It's never enough.

I see my baby turning into a little boy. I see the athleticism. I see the skill.

I see the joy.

I see......uhm....I see....

I see the bad moon arising.

I see trouble on the way.

Especially when he is 14 and I show these to his friends. Giggle Giggle Snort.

Hello Muddah. Hello Faddruh. Here I Am At Camp Big Pink Fuzzy Heart With Glitter

Eldest Twerp made it home from camp last night -- exhausted and excited. I remember those days. I am so pleased she is experiencing it now too. ET has 2 "group leaders" that spend an hour a week investing and mentoring her -- and it was only fitting that they went with her to camp to fill the shoes of her "Camp Counselor." I know they will have a forever impact on her. I still remember Val, my camp counselor.
She beamed the most about the 12 new girls that she met and bonded with and "straight off the bat connected to, ya know?"

Oh Lordy have mercy on my sweet precious soul. Please do not give IJ any ideas.

But you know what else I remember from camp? Cooties. Lake cooties. Shower cooties. Mold cooties. Ugh!And the first thing I had ET do was unpack and take it ALL TO THE LAUNDRY ROOM! To kill the cooties. I told her it was ALL dirty and infested with camp germs. She couldn't believe me -- I mean some of the stuff she had not even worn!!! Look mom -- this smells clean, do I have to wash it?!?!?!?!?

Excuse me, I just gagged and shivered cause a camp cootie is now in my house!

Splish Splash

Summer time is here -- boys and girls handle this phenomenon totally different. Summer time to me means picnics and catching lightening bugs and peaches and pickin raspberries and late night games of outdoor tag and bbq's and pedicures.But boys? Who can explain them!?!?They dream of cannon balls.... And being in the Olympics.But I am telling you the East Germans would only have given him a 5.6....It was cause of his dismount and all.

But his American Mother Judge gave him a zerpert.

And you get bonus points if you know what that means. But soon we grew tired and had to rest....
That is when we turn into shark boy...Why?!? Cause they are boys. And that is what boys do.

And it gave Baby Twerp time to get a little adventurous too.

Please tell me, who is this boy?

You're Gonna Wanna Print This Cause It is Gonna Be Worth Millions Someday...Probably

Middle Twerp and Baby Twerp have started t-ball season. And it is on....like Donkey Kong.

And can I just say Middle Twerp's skillz have improved tremendously after a year. I am quite certain it is from all the time and effort his extremely athletic mother has spent with him. These hours have taught him all the fundamentals and appropriate high-level, advanced skillz that only a super star athlete like myself could possibly pass along. Like how to take a break in the 8,421 degree temperature. It looks like you are strategizin....kinda.

Or how to take the hat off and cool off while appearing to look like you are keeping your eye on the kid on base. Makin sure he ain't gonna steal or nuttin.Yep, that is what you get when you have a pro-baseball mother like Country Girl --Skillz. Mad, mad t-ball skillz.But Baby Twerp? Lawsie Mercy. He has natural talent. I kid you not. He chased every ball and knew exactly what to do.

It must be the genes.

Cause he is by FAR the youngest on the team. But he is also the most determined on the team.

Ain't nothing gonna breaka his stride. Ain't nothing gonna slow him down-- oh noHe's got to keep on ... BT? BT? What's wrong?!?!?!?
Come to momma....
I know sweetie -- it is hard being so advanced. I have had to deal with it my whole life.Like mother like son -- prodigy.

Mark my words -- this pic will be worth sumtin someday,

Amen.

Eldest Twerp: Uncut and Unfiltered

Below you will find Eldest Twerp -- Uncut and Unfiltered. You all had questions, so I interviewed her -- Lordy Be. I also need you to know that I accidentally deleted 6 comments. If yours are those., I am soooo sorry. I love you, I accept you, I just am a computer nerd. Please forgive me.

Now...Here's ET:

Hello ET -- How are you today?
Well, I would have to say I am okay - but there are somethings in life you get mad about and wish you did not do. But overall, life is awesome.

What did you wish you did not do?
I think you know and I would rather not talk about it please.

So, are you excited about ...
I am excited about Church camp and the other camp this summer. I am also excited about going to my Nana's house for a whole week this summer. She is going to show me this place I read about in her book.

What I was going to ask is ... Are you excited about going to Middle School?
Yes.

What are you excited about the most?
Having a locker instead of a desk cause a locker you can just close and walk away. But a messy desk you have to look at all day long.

Are you excited about learning anything in particular in Middle School?
Well, I would like to learn the nicknames of the states. I have also been doing 2 hours of Rosetta Stone every day this summer. And my dad says learning it this was is more efficient. I guess we will be testing his theory and integrity out, huh?

Do you want to play any sports?
Yes...basketball and softball.

What about cheerleading?
Straight off the bat no.

Why?
It is just not my type of sport. You know how somethings you are just born to love? Well, cheerleading is not it for me.

You know I was a cheerleader?
Yes, I know.

What do you think about that?
I would think you would be able to do flips and stuff and stand on your head for like 2 to 5 minutes. I bet you were very good.

But you don't want to follow in my footsteps and be a cheerleader?
Well, no. I am just not flexible. And not to hurt your feelings, it is not just something I like alright? Now can we move on from cheerleading questions?

Ok. What is the one thing you want everyone to know about ET?
Straight off the bat I want them to know I am adopted.

Why?
Well, it is a very special thing in your life and those of you that are adopted you know how special that is and I want everyone to understand how special I am in that way.

I agree. I think you're pretty special.

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life?
That is a hard question. {long pause} Sometimes I wish I could change how MT acts.

Like how?
Well, he repeats everything I say. He wants everything I want. I wish he would just go his own way and not always mine -- unless I am obeying, they he should follow me.

So what do you think about when you lay your head on your pillow at night?
I think about the day -- the things I did, the things I have been through, what I am going to do the next day -- just plan ahead and reflect mainly.

If you could blink right now and know where you were going to be 10 years from now, would you do it or would you keep it a surprise?
I would keep it as a surprise. If I knew what was going to happen life would not be amazing. If I love someone and lose them, I know God has put them in my path for that moment. I do not want to know that I might lose them, I just want to enjoy them.

If you could do anything when you are older, what would it be?
This is hard. Let's see. I am so young and I have lots to learn, but I would probably be looking for a husband. And IF IF IF I find one, I would have babies and hope for twins. Maybe triplets. And get up to 5 kids and teach them the right way to live- like my dad. But be kind - like my mom.

What would be the prefect day for you?
Having NO CHORES. And everything going my way -- being able to read all day and have a whole day with my Nana and Grandpa.

What is one thing you wish I would change as your mother?
Nothing. I just don't think you need to change anything. You are being the best mom you know how to be and you are trying your darndest to teach me things.

Is there anything else you want to tell me about yourself or anything you want to get off your chest?
I am reading a book Harriett the Spy. It is really good. I looooove reading. And my favorite hobbies are reading and playing sports and have I mentioned I reeeealllly love to read?

Who do you want to be like when you grow up?
I wanna be like...Carl Hiaasen.

WHO???!!!???!!! What about me?
What about you?

Do you wanna be like me?
Uhm, maybe some parts. But not all. But I still love you. More than ice cream.

It's A Miracle on Forty Eleventh Street

For the love of all that is pure and holy in this world -- these are real live pics I am about to show -- I am talking breaking news. Like CNN might hold off on all that Tehran stuff and report on this. Cause it is that BIG!

Actually, it is a miracle. Maybe the 8th wonder of the world -- right behind Mick Jagger. Oh now, it is like seeing a crying Virgin Mary in a tree and with blood -- but only not as freaky.

Not that I have anything against the Virgin Mary -- cause I don't. I love her and all. It is just i hope she doesn't cry blood in my Bradford Pear in the backyard and all.

Anyhoo -- I am about to show you a REAL LIVE (thanks to Mobile Blogger) miracle. Call the church. Call your ma. Call your pa. Way down in Arkansas. Call the bishop -- the priest - the beast. Call Ghostbusters for all I care -- just get the word out.

Please witness the miracle of all miracles: It started off a little shaky -- as I hear most miracles do. But just when I had almost dozed off with my Better Homes and Gardens magazine and Dr Pepper... SHAZAM!We were in the water. And not breaking out in hives or drowning or melting away like that wicked witch in OZ.Even passer-byers had to stop and witness this miracle. Heaven to Betsy -- Sweet 8 lb 6 oz baby Jesus -- Lover of my soul. Miracles still do exist. Amen.

Prediction: 4 Weeks to Aqua Lover

We bought Baby Twerp - who has an aqua allergy - this little floatation device. It basically on the tag said, "There ain't no way in God's green earth you can possibly get your face wet so please for all that is good and holy in this world - GET IN THE WATER!" Or something like that - and we gave it a try!

We did manage to get our KNEES wet!

Which is sayin something. But I am tellin ya....If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, BT will get in the water before summer's end -- we have no issues with this one:

He is my aqua boy.

Now I just have to convince Baby Twerp that it is FUN! And not deadly.

I am telling ya -- in weeks this will be him...

Do you believe me?

Any predictions?