Tradition: Easter Cookies

We have an Easter tradition at our house of making these cookies while telling the Easter story. Since we were on vaca on Easter, I told the kids this week was Easter -- now as we are headed to church I am rethinking the consequences to this lie. But at least they now know Jesus died on the cross for my sins so now I am forgiven. So there. Amen.

You will need:
Bible (I put the scriptures below in case you are like me and well, in case you are like me)
1 cup sugar
1 cup whole pecans (You can omit. Still use for the story, just do not add.)
1 zip-lock baggie
1 wooden spoon
Dash of salt
1 teaspoon vinegar
3 egg whites
tapePreheat oven to 300° F.

Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces.

Explain that after Jesus was arrested He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. (We broke them, but omitted in the mix. They make my tongue itch.)

Read John 19:1-3

Then Pilate therefore took Jesus, and scourged Him. And the soldiers platted a crown of thorns, and put it on His head, and they put on Him a purple robe, And said, Hail, King of the Jews! and they smote Him with their hands. John 19:1-3

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross He was given vinegar to drink.

Read John 19:28-30

After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst. Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to His mouth. When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, He said, It is finished: and He bowed His head, and gave up the ghost. John 19:28-30

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life.
Read John 10:10-11

The thief come not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the Good Shepherd: the Good Shepherd give His life for the sheep. John 10:10-11

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.

Read Luke 23:27
And there followed Him a great company of people, and of women, which also bewailed and lamented Him. Luke 23:27

So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know we belong to Him.

Read Psalm 34:8 and John 3:16

O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trust in Him. Psalm 34:8

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. (I beat for 10 minutes in high. It had the consistency of melted marshmallows.)

(Please note the 12 year old throwing a hissy fit cause the 6 year old gets more mixing time than her. She should be SO thankful Jesus died on the cross for her sins.)

Read Isaiah1:18 and John 3:1-3

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. Isaiah 1:18

There was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews: The same came to Jesus by night, and said unto him, Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God: for no man can do these miracles that Thou doest, except God be with Him. Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. John 3:1-3

Fold in broken nuts (if you wanna add em). Drop by teaspoons onto parchment paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.

Read Matthew 27:57-60

When the even was come, there came a rich man of Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple: He went to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered. And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed. Matthew 27:57-60

Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF.

Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.

Read Matthew 27:65-66

Pilate said unto them, Ye have a watch: go your way, make it as sure as ye can. So they went, and made the sepulchre sure, sealing the stone, and setting a watch. Matthew 27:65-66

GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight.
Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed.

Read John 16:20-22

Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy. A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remember no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world. And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man take from you. John 16:20-22

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie.

Notice the cracked surface and take a bite.

The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.

Read Matthew 28:1-9

In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre. And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. His countenance was like lightning, and His raiment white as snow: And for fear of Him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men. And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly, and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead; and, behold, He go before you into Galilee; there shall ye see Him: lo, I have told you. And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring His disciples word. And as they went to tell His disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held Him by the feet, and worshipped Him. Matthew 28:1-9

Then go to church in your white pants and pastels and eat your kids Cadberry eggs.

German Coffee Cake That Will Make You Yodel

This is some of my great-grandmother's china. Which we found when we were moving houses. I remember the sugar bowl that sat on the counter with a silver sugar spoon and it was used to make me Tang when I walked next door to their house. I also remember this bowl was put in the summer kitchen to feed the cats. I know. I know. Welcome to my world.

Anyhoo, it got me reminiscing and thinking about Grandma and Auntie and soon I started thinking about their German Coffee Cake. Oh. Hello. Lover. I knew I had that recipe somewhere so I started looking through my recipe box.And it gave me an excuse to put on my new apron. I {HEART} my new apron.

And let me tell you. This German Coffee Cake is two things.

1) Good. So good it will make you confess your undying love and wanna make babies.

2) Really German. Like for real. Like they were from Germany. And like this is their recipe. From Germany. Seriously.

The Line Up: brown sugar, white sugar, vegetable oil, flour, salt, egg, baking soda, buttermilk, and cinnamon.

Notice that half gallon of whole milk? Pretend like it is not there. It is NOT in this recipe. It was just feelin left out like a red headed step child. Bless its heart.

That is all the ingredients. Simple. Sweet. Beautiful. Although I always wanna add butter. But there is no butter. Unbelievable, I know.
Start with 1 scant cup of brown sugar (not packed). Scant means NOT QUITE. I had to ask my mom. Add 1 scant cup of white sugar.

Add 1 cup vegetable oil

1 teaspoon of salt (I have a thang for salt and pepper shakers. I have to keep it under control or I will be one of those people who have ones from every state and a dancing Elvis set. I know. You are jealous of my coolness.)

Then add 2 1/2 cups of flour and mix it all together. It should become a crumb mixture like above.

Set aside 1 cup to later become the topping. Trust me.

To the remaining mixture add 1 egg.

1 cup of buttermilk.1 teaspoon cinnamon.

and 1 teaspoon of baking soda (which grandma said to add to the buttermilk, but I never listen)Mix it all together.

Grease and flour a baking dish.

Pour in....And remember that 1 cup of crumble mixture stuff you saved back....it is now time for it to step into its glory. Sprinkle it all over the top.Sprinkle with some more cinnamon and sugar.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 40 to 45 minutes....

And then I kid you not, you will start saying Vohn Ingle Schintzel Mon Ditz Bernardaitz Scheadri Klantz.

You you might even yodel. Is that Germans? or Swiss People?

I don't know, but you will thank me for - ev - er for this new lover I have introduced into your life.

Love,

Country VanGirlitz

The Forgotten Cake: Straight From Heaven and Right to Your Thighs

Okay, so I missed a small detail on Friday night for Eldest Twerp's birthday...Details Schmetails. Seriously, who still really celebrates with a cake? I mean I personally think it is SO going out of style...maybe. But I felt guilty so we sat down Sunday night to make her fav cake: Straight from Heaven and Right to Your Thighs.

It is from my Aunt Betty and she made it for me every year as long as I can remember. And now that she does not do it any more (wench) I put her in a full nelson and made her cough the recipe up. Cause I am a big meany pants like that and all.
Anyhoo, we forgot candles (SURPRISED?) so we just lit two matches and placed them in the cake...this symbolized 11...don't go to judgin.

And Baby Twerp so thought it was HIS birthday. "Yeah. Happy Birthday to ME! Yeah ME." he recited.Eldest Twerp tried to explain it all and even offered to share her cake and gifts...but he was havin none of that nonsense.
So when it was time to blow out the candles...he totally capitalized on the situation...again...and again...and again.....

We finally just called it a truce so we could show down and let out thighs sing forth in praises. And now...I will share this god fearin cake with you...cause I love you. But I cannot be held reasonable for the increase in love handles. Amen.

The culprits: sugar, flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, grated carrots, eggs, cream cheese, powdered sugar, butter, vanilla, and pecans.

Mix and sift 2 cups sugar, 2 cups flour,

2 teaspoons soda,

2 teaspoons cinnamon,

and 1 teaspoon salt. I always throw some over my shoulder? Why? I cannot explain the things I do....but I get mad then cause my floor is all grainy.

Then add 4 eggs,

and 1 1/4 cup Wesson oil....Why Wesson? Cause my Aunt Betty said so...any other questions punk? I kid. I kid.

Then you mix all this...or you call in your slave labor. Whichever is more convenient for you.

Next add the grated carrots -- for the love of sweet Jesus you can buy these ALREADY grated....but I can't do it....I think it is because I use to be Jewish. I don't know for sure though. But grate 2 1/2 - 3 cups carrots and add. Then eat 2 tablespoons and don;t worry about the potential of salmonella because of the raw eggs...at least you will die happy.

Pour equally in 2- 9 inch GREASED pans and back for 30 to 35 minutes at 350 degrees. But I baked it a 352 cause I am a rebel like that and all. Don't tell Aunt Betty. Next the icing: 8 oz block of philly cream cheese, 1 box confection;s sugar, 1 stick butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1 cup chopped nuts...or if they make your tongue itch like some wimpy unnamed people, just place them all purty round the cake....

Anyhoo...leave the cream cheese out so it will be all soft and gooey...

Then cut up a stick of butter... add one teaspoon of villa.....and 1 box confection's sugar....

Then stir it for one millisecond and your hand will cramp so you will call in some big burly strappin man to help you out.

I had this one handy..Shew.

Then once the cool the cakes....

Turn one upside down on a plate...and grab that icing... Uhm, Baby Twerp?

Have you seen my icing????

YOU HAVEN'T??????

What are you licking?

Just what I suspected....

And this is the response when I take it away....

And when I eat some right in front of him....someone has to teach him life is not always fair. I am a giver like that and all.Then...look around and make sure all other items of the cake are safe and sound...cause my house is FILLED with TWERPS!

So hurry up and ice that darn cake....throw some nuts around and let it go straight to your thighs as they sing out in glory...Amen. Straight From Heaven and to Your Thighs Carrot Cake

Cake:

2 cups sugar

1 teaspoon salt

2 cups flour

1 1/4 cup Wesson Oil

2 teaspoon soda

3 cups grated carrots (8 to 10 small carrots)

2 teaspoon cinnamon

4 eggs

Mix and sift all dry ingredients, add oil and eggs and hand beat.

Then add carrots.Bake in 2-9 inch pans for 30 to 35 minutes at 350 degrees.

Icing:

1- 8 oz. pkg. Philadelphia cream cheese

1 box (1 LB) confection's sugar

1 stick butter

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup chopped nuts

Let cream cheese and butter be at room temperature. This will help in mixing.
Spread icing while cake is still a little warm. Enjoy.

Love,
Aunt Betty and Her Thunder Thighs

I kid. I kid.