I Am A Portuguese Architect, In My Spare Time

I know. I know. I promised I would post. And then I didn't. And then you all emailed me and set me straight. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

But I have an excuse. Kinda. If you are merciful and just. I didn't post yesterday because, I bought a house. Now I know what you are thinking GOOD LORD WOMAN, you have moved twice in the past 18 months -- what is up with you? I think we have proven I follow no rhyme or reason. I am an Anomaly. Which reminds me of hominy. Which I am not that. But I do love that. My grandma use to fry up some hominy. And my heart with sing forth in glorious praises as the lard soaked corn slid down my throat.

Sorry. I digress.

Anyhoo. I bought a house. And by "I" I mean "IJ" Cause we are painfully aware of the foster home that slipped through our hands and is a victim of the system now. Sitting. Alone. and Unwanted. Foreclosure doomed before it. It is a sad sad case. I weep.

But we bought a house. And now we are moving on September 27th. Although I might move on September 28th, cause round numbers do more for my skin tone.

And I KNEW you all would want mega details about where we are moving and you would want pics and stories. So I did what any God-fearin, Bible-totin, Good-hearted friend would do. I hired an architect off the coast of Portugal to sketch some prints of the house for you. So they would be drawn to scale and have the level of detail you need to fully grasp the idiosyncrasies of my new home. Plus I have a thing for Portuguese men. IJ knows. That's why I call him Antonio.

Anyhoo -- my new home needed some context behind it. So first I had our skilled architect from Portugal sketch a detailed pic of my current home -- so you can put into context how far away my new home is.

So behold, the award winning Portugal Architect's sketch of my OLD HOME:

I know. I was blown away as well. The skill. The detail. I am in awe.

Now to move on to bigger and better things. My new home.

My new home is a mere SIX houses away from my old home. Which means the following:

1. My spawn will not have to move schools
2. I will still have access to the neighborhood wine party.
3. I will still have access to the neighborhood pool parties
4. My spawn will still be able to spend their Saturdays roaming aimlessly through the familiar neighborhood begging for breakfast while their mother sleeps in or paints her toenails. Whichever is the most vital for national security that week.
5. Everything stays almost as close to the same as possible. Cause I don't think we want to have a repeat of 2 years ago when we moved and I almost lost my glitter. It was more than I could stand.

So alas, I bring you the NEW HOUSE:

I know. I know. So much detail. So little time.

This is all I have for now. But I will say this....a kitchen remodel is in my near future!!! Just think...cabinets, counters, islands, appliances, cute curtains with FRINGE!! I just squealed out loud.

So go forth today. And eat some hominy in celebration of my new home.

Love,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Portuguese Architect

A Sigh of Relief

So since we are moving to a new house in a new county in this new state in this new time zone in the new hemisphere, I have been stressed about one thing and one thing only: The Christmas Tree.We spent all day yesterday moving and schmoving (I have no idea what that means, I just make things up all the time). And come supper time, some people were worn out. Slackers. But not me -- not I-had-forty eleven-cups-of-coffee-and-three-cinnamon-rolls-and-the-Christmas-tree-was-still-not-moved-and-it-was-stressin-me-out me. Nope. Not me. I was rip roarin ready to go. But those silly boys were not. So I made sweetly asked ET to PLEASE make ONE more trip to the new house to help me put up the tree. She rolled her eyes at me so I told her I was takin back all her gifts and then she got in the car. We have a climate of mutual respect like that and all.

And let me just say for the record that if any of these events were on video, you would have peed your pants right now cause we were the most hideously ridiculous weaklings I have ever seen in my born days. But we did it. And we were feelin all good about ourselves until we realized we still had the angel. Lordy Be. S T R E T C H
Oh for pete's sake, just give it here..... S T R E T C H -- Lordy Be. I can't quite reach.So I look around and solve my problems with a shot gun shell box. This how I solve most problems in my life. And while it SEEMED like a mah-velous idea at the time....

I kinda sorta little lost my balance...a tad bit....And took a little minute fall. But we ain't focusin on that.Cause if at first you do not succeed. Try Try Again... Schazaam.

I am such a supha stahhhh!!!!
And so is ET..........I could not have done it without her. Plus that house is like totally super scary and creepy at night and we were spookin ourselves left and right.

Anyhoo.... As we walked out the door feelin awful satisfied and breathing a sigh of relief she looks up at me and says, "Oh, my Spa Factory is gonna look so good under that tree."

Uhm, exsqueeze me? SPA FACTORY? Hello? When was that added to the list? How did I miss that? I went to Target last night and they only had the SPA FACTORY add ons. What in God's green earth is a kid's spa factory and can someone PLEASE help a CG out??

So much for that sigh of relief, huh?

Big Pink Fuzzy Heart with Glitter LOVE,
CG

Dear Cosmic Void,

I am 32. There. I told you. Now I feel so much better. Out with the bad chi...in with the good. I am assuming they are talking about teas here so after this post I am off to Starbucks, but only cause I have to.

''I said to myself, ' you deserve more than this.' You're 31 years old - and the clock is ticking.''

So I am one of those people who must think out loud. I have always been envious of the introvert - the one who can take a long hike into nature and sit and think and figure all of life's mysteries. I take a hike out into nature and have even more problems that now need solving -- like how in the heck do I find my way back home...and what if someone chops me into a million pieces and I scream, but no one is around to hear me...or Great, now I need to pee...and then Gosh I sure hope this is not poison ivy.

So as you can see, an introvert I am not. I need people...and I think we have established that out here in my new state, in my new town, in my new house, I am one...and one is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. So I now need you.

Now I must first preface this entire post with the fact that my emotions only have one level and it is HIGH. I feel everything to the extreme so please know this before you respond, think, or heaven forbid....judge.

So I had a bad day..this stay at home mom thing is new for me and I never realize what a sense of myself I received from my job. When I had my job I always thought how great it would be to be a SAHM..now that I am one I miss my black heels and designer cloths and big handbags and meetings and presentations and spreadsheets and .... feeling valuable.

Now I know how valuable being a mom is...I do...and I love my Twerps -- never for a second doubt that. But this staying home thing is ... lonely. It might be different if I was already established with friends and family nearby, but I am not - and I am going insane. And I loved my job at the State Department of Education and I loved the people and my team. We really worked well together and I was good enough, and smart enough, and doggone it, people liked me! [name that SNL character]

And now I find myself wanting to do research and new lessons and plans and HELP people. Basically I, Country Girl, want a job...a real grown up job...why? Cause I am shallow and find my self worth in what I do instead of who I am.

But let's look at the flip side of this coin, shall we?

I have three beautiful Twerps who have honestly never been better than they are right now..and you wanna know why? Cause I have spent every minute for the past 6 weeks with them, and it has made a difference. When we lived in Oklahoma we had a nanny that came to our house and watched the kids and cleaned the house. She was amazing and I love her dearly. But now if I went back to work there would be child care...and bear with me and let's be realistic for a moment...

Indiana Jones has a great career but travels 50% of the time and with the military you just never know when deployments can occur, so I try to figure everything just on me. Eldest and Middle Twerp will be in school from 7:30 AM - 2:30 PM ish. Baby Twerp would need child care and the others would need extended care and with traffic ...which is VERY bad out here...I would not be home until 6 ish and then I am back to missing my kids and wanting to quit all over again..and part time work would not even cover childcare expenses which will be close to $1500 a month.

So this is where I feel like I am -- choosing -- between the desires and wants and sometimes NEEDS of a career and the love and responsibility of raising my kids. And in reality in 2 more years everyone will be in public school and this will not be such a dilemma..but right now 2 years sounds forever away. And I feel like such an awful self person just admitting this. How many women would LOVE to stay at home and how blessed am I? But isn't the right thing to do to just suppress this for awhile and give to my kids cause they are only this age once and I can never go back? But can I be honest? I will never be one of those woman who bake all my bread and sew cute skirts and have organized house cleaning charts-- I am not near that good at these things. I have always envied the SAHM and I guess I still do...cause right now I suck at it.

Again, I know I am rambling but I need to talk and feel heard and maybe this will stop the tears for awhile. So, I am off tomorrow for a little vaca and R and R -- unexpected, but needed -- and I don't work so I can do this, right? But never fear, my laptop will be near and I will still post.

I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

Don't Stop Believing

Happy 4th of July! We had a little celebration downtown...Have I mentioned that we live down-town? This is a benefit when it comes to a gazillion people having to find a place to park and we can just walk out our front door and round the bend and be there. And I am all like, yea...look at our great parking place.

When the band started playing, I totally just peed my pants. Soak-n-wet gusher I am tellin ya. It was a tribute band to one of my fave bands ev-er and they were GOOOOD. Like really good. See if you can guess who it was...

Have I mentioned it was packed? Everyone was lovin, touchin, squeezin each other. And I was fine with that cause I am a lover not a fighter.
And the food was dee lish. They had the attitude of...Anyway you want it that's the way you need it. Soon we were sitting back, relaxing and the fireworks began...Each one had a unique twirl, shape or spin. This one went round and round and the wheel in the sky keeps on turning....Needless to say the loud booms set some Twerps into despair. Who's crying now?
But never fear, Indiana Jones was here....So now I come to you with open arms. Then it was all over and the lights went down and we pulled out our own fireworks. We all know what happens when the lights go down in the city....We had a little P-A-R-T-Y... Then we had to say to everyone...The Party's Over

Have ya figured the band out? I know I am such a dork, but I love them....wanna marry them and have their babies....Please still love me. I am always here for you...Faithfully.

Contentment

You see this face? What do you see?
{Other than bad hair (See where Middle Twerp gets the frizzy curls?) and eyebrows in desperate need of waxing?} Yep, that is right...contentment. Contentment after an evening of swimming, hot tubbing, golf carting, golf course running, and eating. Can you guess where? Come take a look....

This afternoon I had enough of the confederate flags and canons. I needed a night of fun. I loaded the car,

packed a cooler,
and who do you think I called?
Ghostbusters? Good guess,but nope. Oh, please be home....
Oh hello savior of my soul. My beautiful, classy, generous cousin was home. And she said Sure, come on over. I just love her to pieces.Well, you don't have to tell me twice. We cooked out and then let the Twerps do what they do best.
While we did what we do best.Indiana Jones? Relax a little. Have a little fun. Enjoy life.A few Coronas later, he was loosening up, a little.All in all it was a wonderful evening followed with a golf cart ride and some golf course playin. I just love my cous to pieces. Another contented evening. Ah, so much better than cannons.

I Swear I Don't Make This Stuff Up

So we decided to go hiking at the state park just a few miles from our house today. The Twerps did great. One thing about doing anything with the Twerps is that you cannot be in a hurry. I am totally okay with this.This place was beautiful...but then, We heard very loud BOOMS...It almost sounded like dynamite.
And then again...and momma made an executive decision. We were turning around.The BOOMS continued as we passed these soldiers...were we at war?

Well, it turned out, kinda. As we crested the hill, we saw this....I kid you not.A Civil War reenactment. Somehow this should not have surprised me. I totally felt like Reese Witherspoon on Sweet Home Alabama. Can anyone relate? They were all in character and no matter how hard I tried...I could not crack them. And you can imagine how I tried. Giggle Giggle Snort. I cracked myself up!
I had this guy sweating....but he still stayed in character. Schucks. And I so want one of these hats. Are they not the cutest? They do not say Civil War to me though....more Amish.

Here are a few Civil War close-ups for ya...
Then we got to sit on the sidelines and cheer for our "team" to win. I am just sayin I do not think this part was an accurate portrayal of how it went down a century and a half ago. I don't think the town gathered round and was like BLUE BLUE BLUE...no no...GRAY GRAY GRAY.....Give me a Y-A-N-K-E-E. What's that spell? What? What? VICTORY!

They even had Confederate and American flags for sale. I think we have established we were the only ones without a confederate flag.

And the horses...oh the horses....

Yes, this is just another normal day in the life of the Southern Country Girl. I must go make some sweet tea. Ya'll comeback now, ya hear?