Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Twas the Night Before Christmas...

And all through the house, we were having our First Annual Cranberry Eating Contest.

Thanks to justgottalaugh, we now have a new tradition in our family. The goal is to be the last one SMILING while eating cranberries. Just the hint of tartness showing through on your face will send you OUT of the game. This all seems easy as homemade apple pie, right? Well, you have underestimated the power of the cranberry, my friend. Its all consuming tartness can overcome and destroy. Can you see how this festivity fits in nicely with the holiday spirit? That is us alright, putting the joy and focus in the right place.....Competition and Cranberries. Let's take a look, shall we?This did not fair well immediately for my middle twerp. He thought this to be cruel and unusual punishment. No mercy here buddy. YOU ARE OUT! Don't think just because you are three, will have sympathy on you and let you eat grapes or garbanzo beans as a substitute. No sirree, Bob. This is a real man's game. Step aside. Next came this girl. She passed the first round with all SMILES!Baby twerp was next. I swear this kid will eat anything. G-pa was up next. Get your game face on people. He is an old pro at this. Must be all those wild cranberry eating nights on the farm. Shucks!Nana thought this was the most ridiculous ritual ever. Where is the nativity? The reading from the Bible? The plum pudding for heaven's sake?
She tried to hang on with all that is within her. BUT....Oh yeah, take a seat sister. You are OUT!
The first round was a breeze for an old pro like me. (Please note my middle twerp drinking profusely behind me trying to get rid of this hideous tradition his mother makes him partake in. He is also researching the Yellow Pages for Child Protective Services.)
Sister helped Baby find a tart one, and soon he was seating along the defeated sidelines as well.
We were going into the FINAL ROUND with Sister, G-pa, and Me! Get your game face on, stretch your taste buds, pectoral muscles, flexors, solar plexus, gluteus maximus...Oh for Pete's Sake,
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE...Here she is sailing through. How can this be? Has she been secretively training? Conditioning herself? Preparing for this day? G-pa got a rotten cranberry. Excuses, excuses. He could hang on no longer. His career was looking amuck. I am so sorry, G-pa. It is hard to see a legend fall, but YOU ARE OUT my friend. It is down to two. Mother and Daughter. A challenge no one could predict. A rivalry no one would want to face.

Just look at the form, the mental strategy here. You can tell I have visually thought of this moment many, many hours. Practicing, rehearsing, preparing...Oh, this is a tough one ...Hang in there.See how I raise my eyebrows for effect? Seasoned Pro.And the crowd goes wild!Sister is ready for the challenge. And she survives yet another grueling berry.I am ready. I am prepared. I am ....Lawd have mercy that is one huge mouth. You would think this is the First Annual Grapefruit Eating Contest. What is up with that?It is getting rough here, but I have seen low points before.I am hanging in there. I must do it for the fans.
Oh Lawd take me now. I have fought a good fight. I have run a good race.Let's crown the First Annual Cranberry Eating Contest Queen! Hip Hip...HOORAY!


Jo said...

Too funny! Now thats a tradition I could get into! Thanks for the laugh.

Maria said...

This was the funniest thing I've read in a while -- it totally cracked me up!!! How in the heck did you gain ten pounds eating cranberries? No way, missy... I'm not believing it. Spend Christmas with me where we brush our teeth with cheesy potatoes and use Cool Whip for Chapstick -- THEN you'll see how easy it is to gain weight over the holiday.

(just kidding... we don't really do that...)



Felicia said...

Awesome contest! I love it. I may have to use that next year. I'm always looking for new ways to torture my family. hehehe

justgottalaugh said...

This was GREAT! Maybe we should pit our two champs against each other:) LOVED the pictures!!!!