My Sick Sense of Humor

I love having relatives in high places. This morning my Twerps were driven around the the neighborhood by my Fav Cousin in the whole wide world. She seriously is the best and I have no idea what I would do without her. We actually went to the same college and I rushed her sorority eight years later. She made me my first Greek sweatshirt and I still have it.....If I can find it after the move....but anyways...This gave me time to drink my espresso and lounge by the pool. All this will end when I leave here and travel down south to my new crack house. But until then, I am living it up...this is SO the Real Housewives of Orange County. We had a pool party today and I was CRACKING up at the conversations. When questions came up about my hair and I told them I cut my bangs with the kitchen scissors and used White Rain hairspray, you could have heard a pin drop. Although White Rain was the progressive hairspray of the 80's, as aerosol was a new futuristic invention that would allow me to spike my bangs in an 18 inch wall so that I could not pull my Poison T-shirt over my head without poking holes in it, we can now judge the socioeconomic status of woman around the world by the hairspray they place in their carts at Target. And let's just say, White Rain screams white trailer trash. These are the same people that watch Jerry Springer, WWF, and NASCAR because they are the only accurate TV shows out there and think Pac Man and Space Invaders ROCK and wear blue mascara. I can only say these things because I am these peeps.

Then they grabbed their 14 carat diamonds and all laughed with their margaritas in their hands and said, "Seriously, what do you use?"

My response was, "Listen carefully girls because this will change your lives."

They leaned in a little closer and I capitalized on this opportunity.

"Head and Shoulders is a must...followed by a mayonnaise rinse...MIRACLE WHIP WILL NOT DO, and then White Rain and LOTS of it. You won't see a difference immediately, but keep it up for 7 to 10 days and then your hair will be AMAZING."

"Really?" they sighed through their collagen lips.

I wonder how much Head and Shoulders, Hellman's, and White Rain stock will go up this week.

I think I will never be invited back....but I chuckled and I went to trade some stock...I had an insider's scoop.