Sunday, May 18, 2008

Naked

The past few days have been a whirlwind for me and have contained more changes than I have ever had in my life. I know I have been stressed and excited and apprehensive and scared and petrified and that was all just yesterday morning while seeing myself before my make-up session. But I continue the saga of my life in a quandary. I sit here worn out from crying and trying not to cry anymore. I have no idea how I feel or what I think. I just know I am THE UGLIEST crier on the face of the universe and I will not be posting pics of me tonight.

I am constantly trying to balance what I share on this blog, but tonight I am discouraged and I am just being me.

Do I share too much on here? Do I air all my dirty laundry? Am I one post away from scaring everyone away and receiving hate mail? Do you all really understand what a crazy lunatic I truly am?

On the other hand, this is my way of getting free therapy. And I always feel so much better after hearing from you. You all give the best advice. And I love you to smithereens. Please don't leave me, I need your acceptance in my life.

But tonight, I am beat down. Nothing seems to be going right. I am so discouraged -- mainly in myself. My kids are worn out. My husband is trying so hard. And I have fine lines and creases forming more and more around my eyes. I look like I am 8,421 years old with red puffy eyes. Basically I look like a really old boxer.

I am staying in a wonderful home with wonderful accommodations and wonderful food and I love the word wonderful. My cousins are WONDERFUL and the most hospitable people you have ever met in your life. And my three twerps are into EVERYTHING in their house.

We went and saw our new house tonight. And I am so Ms. Positive. With a capital "P." So, staying in line with my positive thinking, here is my POSITIVE list for my new home:

1. It has a great ceiling fan in the living room
2. It is 1.83 miles from a Starbucks
3. The master bedroom is larger
4. My husband tried -- so hard
5. And I love him to pieces for it
6. And I cannot imagine how hard it was for him
7. It has a Japanese Maple in the front lawn
8. It has lots of windows
9. My three twerps and hubby will make it a home
10. I can blog before and after pics

Here are some pics of today's festivities. My cousin is the BEST.


Tomorrow is a new day.

9 comments:

ptamom3 said...

Hun, I just think you may need a LONG nap. You are out of your normal environment, missing your routine and having an overload of 3 kids & a dog in a small place (the car) for a little too long! Pray and spend some time alone with yourself and your thoughts. Let it all out, take a deep breath and don't feel bad about it. Things will work out like they are suppose to and many blessings will surely come your way!! Remember, "this too shall pass" :)

Kim said...

Hang in there. Change is so hard, especially when you are responsible for the little ones as well.

Give yourself permission to wallow for just a few minutes. Get all that ugly out at once, cause if you don't it might just leak out over a few days and weeks and then you'll be ugly for longer! A girl's gotta have priorities and makeup not running should be one of the first ones on the list! ; )

Praying for you.

Smiles,

K

Heidi said...

I seriously cannot imagine what you've been through. I can't imagine staying at someone's houes with my three boys on the best of days. Certainly not after the kind of day(s), week(s), month(s) you've had. I cannot imagine my dh picking out a house for us. I cannot imagine making so many changes all at once. You are super woman. Seriously.

I've learned that when I'm tired and overwhelmed I can't see things clearly. I love that you posted positives. I promise that you will soon see even more.

Your cousin's house and pool are amazing. Surely that had to pick up the mood a little. :) Wait, I take that back. I'm trying to imagine my 3 boys in a place like that. I would go insane trying to keep them from making the place implode, LOL.

Prayers going out for you tonight.

Holli said...

CG,
Every emotion you are having is completely normal. While the new house may not be perfect, no house is. Try to relax and enjoy this new adventure in your lives. It sounds like you are close enough to visit your cousin on a regular basis. That is a very good thing.

Treasia said...

Remember, It will get better before all is said and done. I commend you for moving to a new place, letting your husband choose the house, driving with three children through 5 states, and staying with family for awhile. Take a long, long nap and wake refreshed and ready for a new challenge. Looking forward to the before and after pics of the new house.

Kalin said...

I always lurk, but I wanted to speak up and let you know I really get a kick out of your posts!

I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to move house in such a way. Stay strong! :)

3SonsAreMyLove said...

Didn't you know that "Pity City" was
a designated stop on your move? I know you won't stay there long because you are a Cheerful Country Girl by nature :)

As for your crying, that's just what women do, it's a gift from God. See the poem below (sorry for the length!)

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

Moving house is ONE of THE most stressful times...especially for us wives/mothers. I dunno why. It just is.

I know when we moved from the Middle East back to England in late 2006, I seriously wondered for a few days, if I was losing my mind. Everyone was having a great time and there I was crying my eyes out, at one point, over silly little things.

Then not too long after - a lovely angel on the internet heard my yearnings for Lawrey's Seasoned Salt and Tony Chachere's Original Creole Seasoning - things from home -- and emailed me and actually mailed them to me! When I emailed and asked for her address, that I was going to send a thank-you note, she said there was no need -- to go forth and cook. And that's what I did. And I thought I was possibly going to get to go 'home' that summer and then I could sneak a nice little surprise thank you on her that I couldn't possibly afford to send from UK. But alas, I didn't get to go home last summer.

But I am THIS summer:):):).

And then she up and moves on me!:(:(:(

So. Please send me your new address. Becoz I AM coming home in less than 7 weeks. So that means I'll be in the states and can plot my cheer-you-up-long-over-due-surprise thank you.

Okie dokie?

Chin up:)...you'll be settled soon and find your feet, with a margarita in one hand whilst holding a Starbucks in the other.
xo

TeamG - News said...

I hate goodbyes - listen to my song "Seasons" - #3 on my cd - when you find it in a box somewhere in about 6 months. Just know I teared up when I said that "G" word the other night and you will truly be missed, Cat! All I know is God has new and beautiful things for you and the whole clan in your new state and home and place - a new journey that He's excited to fill in with new colors and pictures.
Love,
G