Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Dear Cosmic Void,

If you want a happy go lucky post that makes you smile and enjoy the rest of the day then run for the hills and abandon me. It seems to be a trend these days. Maybe you can send me a cactus-gram. I am not having one of those happy, fun days. This is in part due to the fact that I have dealt with an inordinate amount of vomit, diarrhea, and pee in the past 8 hours. I know, I know....your day is what you make it and I am normally all about making the best out of every single moment; but I do not even have the right ingredients to cook up anything edible right now.

I just feel like I can't find my place -- I just don't fit here. I have never had a time in my life that I did not have a plethora of people I could call up and talk to or hang out with. As I sit here at my kitchen table and type this, the only thing I can think of is how badly I just want to go home...and I have no clue where that is. How can someone who had it all together four months ago and on top of the world be this messed up?

I know I am speaking out of exhaustion right now. My night looked like this:

11:15 pm Moved Middle Twerp to my bed since IJ is out of town
11:40 pm Last Twerp finally asleep
Midnight Eldest Twerp wakes up throwing up
12:23 am Try to clean rugs of vomit...end up throwing them away...screw the budget
1:07 am Middle Twerp pees in my bed
1:11 am Eldest Twerp vomits
2:02 am Eldest Twerp begins explosive diarrhea
2:14 am Eldest Twerp cries out to the heavens, "Why me Lord, why me?"
2:14-3:02 Console Eldest Twerp crying with belly cramps
3:05 am Begin to fall asleep only to realize I never changed my pee sheets
3:06 am Choose to sleep on the other side of the sheets where it is dry, please don't judge me
4:00 am Return of the vomit varmint and the diarrhea duo
4:15 am Run warm bath for Eldest Twerp
5:00 am Wash sheets
5:15 am I begin to have stomach cramps
5:16 am No time for me, Eldest Twerp throws up in bath tub
6:00 am Finish cleaning
7:00 am Boy Twerps wake up hungry
8:00 am Eldest Twerp sleeping and I come to blog

I know, I am just tired and worn out and have had a lot on my plate. All that is true, but it is more. I just can't find where I belong.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?
I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void.
So goodnight, dear void.

9 comments:

noble pig said...

A cactus-gram? Hilarious. Sorry for your bad day!

Very cute site you have hear!

The Rose Fam said...

Country Girl ~ I'm sooo sorry you are having a such a hard time! I just read this and thought I would share...The road to success is paved with motivation and determination. Don't let the speed bumps slow you down. Instead let the overcoming of each, through faith, be your joy in the journey!
I can't give advise on the virus thing! I don't do viruses of any shape, form or fashion! I'm a FREAK when it comes to viruses! I hope the virus stops with the oldest twerp! Hang in there! Go get a Starbuck's!

The Rose Fam said...

Sorry!!! Just one question...How the heck do you still look beautiful after dealing with vomit, pee and diarrhea all night?! I think I'm starting to feel sick!

Jen said...

I am so sorry you are having a rough evening and time with the change. The virus thing will go away and you will find your place in this world. If you ever need some one to talk to or hang out ( it might be a little drive I.m in Kansas) I am here for you. Best of luck.

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

jen -- i use to live in oklahoma and i would have driven there and bought Jose and Herold. But now i think i am like 13 hours away and they have left me....how about a bottle of wine or a keg of beer? will any of those work?

Sandel said...

This two shall pass!!!! We love you!!! We would love to have you and the twerps visit Madisonville and we could entertain you instead of the other way around.
Hebrews 13:5

Pony Girl said...

Country Girl, that is one of my most favorite quotes ever!! From the movie "You've Got Mail." I wrote it in my journal years ago because I think it describes me so well and how I approach life. I never do huge courageous and crazy things. At least, I don't chose to do them. In your case, I think you have such a great spirit and energy and zest, that you will succeed in whatever you are doing, wherever you may be!! It will only get better, girl! ;)

Working Mom said...

Country Girl! I don't know HOW on earth I missed this post since I pretty much stalk your blog a couple times a day...but anyway...sorry you were having a crappy time!! Moving away and starting over has to be really tough. Not to mention how hard caring for 3 kids 24-7 is - sick ones at that - and on top of all that, feeling like you don't have anyone to call and vent to. Hey anytime you want to vent, you can vent to me. And I'm probably only a couple hours away so maybe one of these days we could meet half way at a Chuck E Cheese and let the kids play in the dirty ball pit while we get drunk on bad draft beer!

Anonymous said...

Some of my childhood memories are of how wonderful and warm hearted my mother was when we were sick, I remember laying on the sofa till sheets were fresh out of the dryer after benig sick.

It adds to the painting I have of my mother in my heart....

So... I know you know they appreciate you. But know this too..
Even days like this are special to them knowing all sides of you! And how no matter what... you're there for them!!