Send Help: A Message From Baby Twerp

Hello, my name is Baby Twerp and I am begging for help.I had to take drastic measures and hijack this computer cause my momma has no sense whatsoever -- she is a maniac I tell you. Since we have been on this trip she has subjected me to unhealthy food, dangerous water torture, and inhumane music choices completely inappropriate for small children. Not to mention how she makes me go to bed so she can blog into the wee hours of the morning. But none of this compares to the insane and dangerous situation she placed us sweet angels in today. I need your help...please come immediately...and bring waffles and chocolate milk.

The morning started looking very ominous and when she finally drug her lazy bones out of bed to feed us dry cereal and water, I flipped the station from The View and turned on the weather channel for her... so she could see the HURRICANE warnings and get us home...safe and sound. But much to my dismay, after a quick stop by Starbucks for her legal addictive drugs, we traveled into the storm instead of away...I wept in fear, she turned up Journey a little louder. I kept an eye out for these signs, just in case they would be needed. I realized my safety would be in my own hands. When we arrived at the beach, I surveyed my surroundings and noticed the sustained gusts of winds that were KNOCKING me over and the warning flags flapping in the wind. But these unruly Twerps would not listen and threw all caution to the wind -- the hurricane gusts of wind. They are just like their irresponsible mother. I, being the only responsible one in the family, ran to their aide...Hello...precious Twerps...STOP...read the signs...Signs, signs...everywhere there's signs...And they turned their backs to me. Oh Mother, where art thou? She was at the Cabana Stand yellin out the name of Jose. Sometimes I do not understand her.
Well, I for one, will not fight authority, I will not laugh in the face of danger, I will not scoff and the dangers that lie ahead. While my mother goes on and on about her need for a pedi.... Please, I beg of you....
Send help immediately...L'od knows where she will take us next.
I read in the paper this morning there is a tsunami scheduled for India and an earthquake for middle Asia. If she books a flight, I am blowing this Popsicle stand.