Baby Twerp has Rain Man tendencies. I have come to accept this in my life. What I am still coming to grips with is how this seems to rear its ugly head at the most inconvenient moments with the most inconvenient phrases which can ultimately lead to my arrest. 
While most children cannot remember what their parents spoke to them 8.421 seconds ago, Baby Twerp has never had to endure this burden. Not only does he remember EVERY word EVER spoken to him. He has a tendency to fixate on these words and never let them go.
We went to Target this morning and Baby Twerp noticed the Hungry Hippo game in the toy aisle. He said in his sweet inquisitive voice, "What you do with this?" 
I was in a hurry trying to find the perfect shade of pink tulip for my new peek-a-boo-toe heels and hastily said, "It's a game with hippos and you eat their balls." 
And then I leaned over and pretended to munch on his belly. This always leads to a big smile and laugh and we go along. I have done this a million times but today, things changed. 
Little did I know this would lead to my demise and ultimate humiliation. In which he started screaming at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS in a 30 minute repetitious monologue, "Don't eat my balls. Momma, Don't Eat My Balls. Stop it. Stop it." 
All the way through the store as I dodged the judgmental glances from the mothers of GIRLS and as I tried to explain to the shoppers glaring my way, all the way to the check out line he was fuming, "Don't do that momma. Don't eat my balls. I don't like that." 
Oh Lord, give me girls.
Little did I know this would lead to my demise and ultimate humiliation. In which he started screaming at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS in a 30 minute repetitious monologue, "Don't eat my balls. Momma, Don't Eat My Balls. Stop it. Stop it." All the way through the store as I dodged the judgmental glances from the mothers of GIRLS and as I tried to explain to the shoppers glaring my way, all the way to the check out line he was fuming, "Don't do that momma. Don't eat my balls. I don't like that." Oh Lord, give me girls.
20 comments:
Ü....too funny!
That is hilarious! I love it!
That is too funny! I just posted a blog about me needing girls too! Although I was wishing that mine got kidnapped and replace with girls!!
That is so funny and cute. Only a boy would take it that far. Good description of the game. :-)
I was rolling on this line:
hastily said, "It's a game with hippos and you eat their balls."
Oh man this is funny! Way way funny.
I am still laughing over this. We had a similiar incident at Chuck E.Cheese(aka The Tenth level of HELL!). My 2 year old got away from me. We were looking everywhere for her and I was starting to panic. My sis spotted over at the fooseball and she yells "There she is! She's trying to steal that man's balls!" The second she said it, she slapped a hand over her mouth. We still laugh about it to this day!
I think Baby Twerp and The Boy were separated at birth too. So they would be like twin cousins....kind of like the Patty Duke Show.
I had to read this post to Mr. Clean.... quite possibly the funniest Baby Twerp story evah.
Oh how you make me laugh! I have'nt seen you in awhile...
Hope all is well...
Lanny :o)
LOL at this. But as the mother of two girls with very DIVAish tendencies, I can honestly tell you that girls are no better! I vote for puppies. They don't talk back! :)
Ha Ha. Josh used to say something like "my wee wee screamed" when we went over hills. Not sure how he equated anything to screaming but in his mind he did. Summer used to insist on holding her baby bob and barned figures in each hand and then try to pick up things. Hailey liked doing faces like strain face, igor, scary eyes, etc. You make me miss having little ones.
yeah Liza but puppies crap in your backyard...at least kids don't do that - or at least mine don't!
so you had to get him the game to make up for it didn't ya? high-freakin' sterical!
HA!!!! So HI-larious...
This is great. My son did a similar outburst. Only it was in church and he announced to the whole congregation that he had to go poop and then he stopped and grabbed an old woman's arm and personally told her that he was going poop!! Ah- Boys!!!
Are hippo balls the latest in haute cuisine? I've heard of Prairie Oysters...but who knew about hippo balls! CG you're such a trailblazer :)
Marchelle had me read your blog this morning. That's the funniest story ever!!! Marchelle threw a few funny ones out there when she was a little girl........enjoy while you can!! Meemaw
steve--don't you judge me or my kids....and it was cleaned up thank you very much.
And the dog was fed too. Two birds with one stone or was it two terds instead of one bone. I'm funny but my wife tells me looks aren't everything.
OMG, that's hilarious! As the mother of three boys, I can sympathize! By the time my youngest could talk, his older brothers had unfortunately picked up some bad words. So imagine my distress when I was out in public trying to corral the little guy and he said, "Let go of me, you little b*%$#!"
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