Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I Got Answers Part II: Call Me Rand. Rand McNally.

First of all, for those of you that have an inkling of knowledge about me - which is all ya'll cause I tell ya everything I know - I can't find my way out of a wet paper bag. I just love that sayin and it has been used to describe me on many occasions. I just needed to get that off my chest.

So the mere fact that I will be trying to explain coordinates and cardinal directions and a compass rose in this post it kinda hilarious. In a serious way. Cause this proves my love for you in the fact that I am willing to DRAW YOU A HANDMADE map to help you better understand my circumstances. I know. My love knows not bounds.

Kristin said...
What is the story with selling your house and moving?
Oh Kristin, you sweet naive innocent soul. How little did you know you were asking a complete geographical idiot this question. I will explain this in former cheerleader terms....MMMM KAY?

Ready? OK!

Please refer to below map which took me an embarrassing amount of time to create in Photoshop. So much time that I am not gonna admit to it here publicly and if you hold me down and give me wet willys and things that are tougher than a Texas tornado (Anyone? Anyone?) I will lie and say 5 minutes. Cause I am vain like that and all.


Goat...........Current Ghetto home with frat boy neighbors who own two goats
Airplane.....IJ's job
Pink bag.....My new totally rockin job
Crown........Possibly maybe potentially could be my new house

I currently live at the goat. It takes IJ 30 minutes to get to work. It takes me a little over an hour to up to two - depending on traffic. {I will pause for a sympathy "Ohhhhhh...." Anyone?}

If you look at the new house, without livestock, it is less than 10 miles from my work. And close to a really nice mall and designer shoes and four Starbucks and it has a pool and no ghetto paraphernalia. I big pink fuzzy heart with glitter LOVE no ghetto paraphernalia. {That should totally be a t-shirt.}

What? What about IJ you say? Look, some sacrifices need to be made here. It can't be all unicorns and rainbows for everyone. Don't go to judgin.

It is about 40 minutes for IJ to drive from the new house to his airplane job -- ya know -- protecting American and keepin terrorist outta your backyard. He is good at it and all. But he loves me, so he is willing to make the sacrifice. And I have not told him yet. Details Schmetails.

Now seriously, someone stroke my ego and tell me that was the BEST map you have ever seen in your life and you are calling Walmart right now to demand I be in their next edition of Rand McNally. I guess now is as good of a time to tell you as any.

Country Girl's real name?
Rand. Rand McNally.

So, we are moving to be closer to my work so when I get off I can zip over and get the Twerps and not have to be in 2 hour traffic in the evenings. Seriously. And be in a neighborhood without goats and meth and ankle bracelets for people on house arrest. But I will still drink wine out of a box. You can take the girl outta the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto outta the girl. That's all I am sayin.

Brandy said...
Also, why did you find a new home for your dog?

Because we feared for his life with all the drive-bys. And, we are moving again -- and we hardly EVER spend time with him. I truly felt sorry for him. He went to live with a single guy who has another lab named Bear and I called to check on him Saturday and they were at the park. And while I love Jeter - with the move and our schedule, this truly is best for him. And I feel real guilty so please don't judge - unless you wanna. But just be warned I will more than likely cry and shoot a snot string out my nose. I am just tellin it like it is.

Tracie said...
Tell us more about how the new job is going? Do you like it, hate it, people nice or stuck up? etc.
Oooooo -- I am SO glad you asked. My new job is Mah velous Darling. Mah vel ous. I big pink fuzzy heart with glitter LOVE it. I wear heels and curl my hair and have access to all the office supplies my little heart could ever desire. Do I KNOW anything? Details Schmetails. I distract them with glitter and giggles. I kid. I kid. Kinda.

I am challenged, but feel like I can really help. The people I work with are amazing and sweet and professional and don't mind the million hugs I give. And they also now give spirit fingers in my honor. Cause they love me -- or at least they pretend they do. I am okay with superficial love.

The only thing that is hard for me right now is the commute -- and when IJ is out of town, and Baby Twerp wakes up with some Whooping Cough thing that always reminds me of Whooping Crane. Which I KNOW one is a sickness and one an endangered animal.

But if you know me, you totally know my mind works like that. And when he coughs I always expect a baby Whooping Crane to pop out...and then soon they would not be endangered anymore. Baby Twerp would then feel better - the Whooping Crane population would increase.... It would be a win/win. Stephen Covey would be so proud.

Dana and Daisy said...
Does your new boss realize you blog at your new job, or are you doing that like at 3 am right after your shower, wash your hair, shave your legs and scare the pee pee out ET? I'm not judgin' just curious how you get away with that in case I go back to work and try blogging on the job too?

I happen to think it is wise NOT to share my alter ego of Country Girl at my job. Therefore, they know not about my big pink fuzzy heart with glitter.

I negotiated it into my contract at the beginning. I get a 15 minute break every 10 minutes to blog...

My new boss is the bomb dot com and I even have him saying I KID. I KID and LORDY BE. I am an influencer like that and all. Normally, I begin the blog about 5 am and will post or save and proof at work. I usually do this on my blackberry while sitting through some insanely long training meeting on how to alphabetize my files. Or how to sign next to the SIGN HERE post it in my inbox. We are into high level training. I can't tell you the rest of the stuff, or I would have to kill you. With puffy paint. And I am a lover not a fighter.

So I do not blog at work -- I post only. I think a good lawyer can get me off on that technicality.

My boss' philosophy is GET THE JOB DONE. If my ducks are in a row, he could care less if I am painting my toe nails. BUT my job is not a 9 to 5 job. I am working 24/7. And he calls at 7 pm on Friday nights and we conference at 10 am on Saturday mornings. As a matter of fact, last night at 12:30 AM (yes, I said 12:30 am) we were working on a meeting for this morning.

So, while I do not abuse his leniency at all, I am available 24/7 to get the job done. And I will end with this: I have A LOT of faults. A plethora. A multitude. Work ethic is not one of them. Directions? YES. Avoidance? YES. Talking to much? NOW YOUR STARTING TO HURT MY FEELINGS. But, I am there way before I need to be and I am sending proposals for him to proof at 11 pm -- and he thinks I wear cute shoes. It is pretty much a match made in heaven. And I told him Nobody backs Baby in a corner.

ps i posted this from my blackberry. xxxooo

I love you all........
Remember what life is all about ~ OTHERS.


Dana and Daisy said...

you are so funny CG! The best darn map i have ever seen! Hands down!

Linda said...

Isn't it awesome to have a cool boss?!! Mines' the same way; as long as my work is done he's O.K. with me blogging and crocheting.

Just The Girl said...

You so crack me up! The house looks awesome and so much better that you won't have to do all that driving!

Linda said...

LOVE the map btw! Makes perfect sense to me!

Jenn said...

I love the map!! Pictures definitely make it easier for this girl to navigate. :)

Dana and Daisy said...

NOw I am feeling bad, like I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry Country Girl, I didn't mean to insinuate you talk too much. Lordy I post like 4 times a day! Heck I even comment multiple times on the same post. Sometimes My own post.

And I sure didn't mean to imply anything about your work ethic. I think we all know you are queen of gettin' 'er done! I am sure you'd run circles around me!

I was just askin' cause I have always had bosses who'd raise their eyebrows if you so much as took a personal phone call at work. God forbid you had to take an hour and go get a pap smear. So, blogging? I just couldn't even dare to dream of it.

You were smart about your choice in a job!

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

dana honey -- you have never offended me. It was I that sounded short. i apologize. i could have worded that a million different ways -- i chose poorly.

you are an angel. you said nothing wrong!!!!

Kristin said...

I loved the creative little map. I didnt even need a description, I used the key and it was self explanatory. Thank you, Country Girl !

Merry Christmas from California ...

Lo said...

hahahahahahahaha oh man. i love the map. girl you are too much. i WISH i worked with you. oh, the convos over lunch we would have....

and also? dude, that weird creepy guy on crutches lives near goat house. i vote MOVE NOW. plus? a pool? durrrr. nuff said. and an increase of 10 mins i think IJ would understand over the decrease of a solid hour on your end! yikes girl that's one long commute.

Tracie said...

Great post! L O V E the map!!

I wish I had 1/2 your energy!

See I'm too tired/lazy (W/E) to even make a decent comment!!

Dana and Daisy said...

CG, I big pink fuzzy heart with glitter you! And Daisy does too!

Marchelle said...

you're like, a topographer and stuff.

edie said...

You make me cackle like a school girl. My little ones even sometimes hear me laugh and say, "Are you on Country Girl's blog".

And since you mention your blackberry.....I'm fixin' (I use that word on purpose because it's funny and reminds me of nearly all of my relatives) to get a blackberry or an iphone. Any recommendations? I have a MAC computer so I'm leanin' to iphone.

Anonymous said...

I love the map CG! Also, how long does it take to learn Photoshop? I think I might be looking into it. Maybe...

PS Good luck with the move!!