Sunday, December 7, 2008

Santa or Satan? You Decide.

We woke up this weekend to eat breakfast with Santa and get our pics taken. I am kinda a Santa snob as I am not down with the fake beard Santas with a pregnancy pillow placed under their shirt, smoking at the mall. Don't get me wrong. I love and accept these Santas. I just worry about their work release program and how they are doing with parole. These things make it impossible for me to take my Twerps to sit on his lap -- that and the ciggie smoke makes Baby Twerp need a fix again. Does anyone remember this summer? We are just now recoperating after months of rehab, the shakes, and finally cold turkey. I cannot take him back to those places. Remember? Nuff said. Anyhoo, my Santa snobbery makes it hard to find the PERFECT Santa for the annual lap sittin. But this year, when I saw this Santa's shoes...I KNEW it was destiny. Middle Twerp was TOTALLY ready to recite to Santa his memorized Spiderman wish list. It was a tad bit embarrassin. But I just acted like I was his Aunt.
But the struggle came when it was time to sit on Santa's lap. I will give one guess as to which Twerp was not the LEAST bit excited about Santa. I will let you have one attempt at figuring out which Twerp hid behind my legs and wailed NO NO NO. I will allow you to hypothesize as to which Spawn of mine fell to the floor weeping and gnashing his teeth at the THOUGHT of possibly considering sitting on the lap of Santa. To Baby Twerp, Santa and Satan are was too close in spelling for his trust to be given out. That is all I am saying.

So I did what any good, loving, accepting mother would do in this situation. I threatened him to within an inch of his life. I simply picked him up, held his ear to my mouth, and whispered through my clenched teeth (so no one could read my lips), "If you do not go sit on Santa's lap I swear by all that is good, true and just in me that I will throw you in a pool of water. Mmmm-Kay?"

Then I put him down, tasseled his hair, and smiled and he dragged his threatened little butt over to Santa. It was just what the holidays are all about. I try to teach them early on and all. Now I know you are judgin, but within seconds this sweet precious REAL Santa had them all warmed up to him and they were total BFFs. I had to pull them away cause they were almost to the point of making matching puffy paint sweatshirts and all.
At the end of the session, the moment came that got me. After Eldest Twerp had been standing there silently and patiently the entire time, Santa looked up at her and said, "Sis, what is it that YOU want for Christmas?"

She smiled down at him and said, "Oh, just friends."

Oh, I understand Eldest Twerp. Me too. Me too.


Marchelle said...

those. boots. ROCK.

i was an hour and 15 min late in taking my kids to see santa. so we missed him. oops.

i will be ET's BFF if she'll have me and we can make matching puffy paint sweatshirts and watch little mermaid over and over. i still know all the words to 'part of your world.'

oh, and PS. the kids have been watching little mermaid at meemaw & pa's....the boy thinks her name is HARIEL.

Marchelle said...

PPS i am on my way with my black leotard and heels.

Chrisyt said...

I have been known to threaten, ummm.., prompt my kids in the same manner. No judgin' from me, sis!

And ET, it will get better. Really. Just hang in there, kiddo.

Tracie said...

FIrst of all, you crack me up! I think we have all been there at least once with our kids (okay maybe more than once) that we do the clenched teeth whisper.

But ET just broke my heart. My oldest has had problems with friends too so I can understand what ya'll are feeling!

Dana and Daisy said...

gosh, tear buckets again CG! I guess every kid goes through some stage of feeling short on friends. It is hard for me to imagine ET without a long line of friends just waiting their turn to sit by her in the lunch room. She has such a pure heart and besides she is cute as a button!

Well, I think the same of you too! If I was in your zip code or even just one or two, maybe three away, I'd come over and we'd make fudge and let ET do our hair and makeup and then watch Juno over and over till we ran out of kleenex!

Jenifer said...

You had me rolling around laughing. I could just see you throwing him in the water! And then my eyes welled up. I think I'm in love with ET. My girls are 8 and 11. I get it. If you're ever in Phoenix, she has friends here!

edie said...

Where .in . heavens. name do you find a Santa that rocks it out in those boots? Where Country girl? I can't take my eyes off them. I'll come back to this post fifty eleven times today just to see 'em. And you know what, that sweet ET a yours is just about to break my heart. I'll come straight down to the deep South and give little Shawn a piece of my mind.....then you can take me to see those boots in person. K? Love ya'll.

ptamom3 said...

I took my twerps last night to see "Santa"... any my youngest (5) did the same thing- cried and cried cause she didn't want to sit on his lap or tell him what she wanted.. finally I said to her I'll walk up to him with you, you smile at him and I'll tell him you want dolls. So she said ok, we got up to him, I said, she won't sit on your lap, she just wants some candy (they were giving out stockings full of candy if you'd talk to him), and oh she wants a doll. He said no problem and tried to get her to talk to him, but it was a loose-loose situation. She got the candy and was ready to hit the road. I'm glad you at least got a couple good pictures from it all!!

Deb said...

BLESS HER HEART!! I was teary when I was done. I will praying for just that she finds some real friends. Give her big snuggly hugs from us in MO. Oh and I love that Santa called her sis. That's what we call our Sissy. Very cool post.

The Kelso-Winter Family said...

stop sniffling. (that's my note to myself) everytime i read your blog, ET makes me cry.. that girl deserves a GIANT pink fuzzy heart and a HUGE strawberry starbucks. don't you worry ET, you will have at least one REALLY great friend this year, guaranteed!

Elisa said...

That is one cool Santa :-)

And your daughter, she is an angel. So inspiring.

Marla @ Stolen Bon Bons said...

First bless ET heart. My oldest had a situations not too long ago with a coach that caused a lot of the girls to turn against her. She held her head up high and things are slowly going back to normal. But I know your pain along with hers.

Second that is one AWESOME Santa. I LOVE the boots. My question to you is, does Santa still have them or are they in your closet!