Thursday, July 23, 2009

Update From Yesterday. AKA Yesterday Part II

Dear Friends,

I like to start my posts to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we are the oldest and dearest friends as opposed to what we actually are. People who don't know each others names and met on a blog where we all claimed we've never been before. What will my followers say today I wonder.

I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it loads. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I see three little words: You've got comments.

I hear nothing. Not even a sound of my Twerps, just the beating of my own heart. I have comments... from you.

That is how special you all make me feel. And I truly read every single comment and take everyone of them to heart.

That is why I must address my sweet, precious, tender-hearted and brave ~ Amy.

Amy commented on yesterday's post and said....
boys will be boys is not a good adage to follow in life. boys are cruel and you just say "boys will be boys" so that makes it ok? Boys bully and pick on other children, or animals, and you excuse it with "boys will be boys"? wow, that's depressing.

Oh sweetie, your compassion of others and animals is touching. But I feel I must clarify a few potential misconceptions.

1. Middle Twerp DID NOT kill that bird. It was actually dead in our side yard. I do not know if one of the neighborhood cats got it or if it was sick. Either way -- it is not the ideal toy for my 5-year-old.

2. I know you do not know my Twerps well at all, but I can tell you this: Middle Twerp is the most compassionate and sensitive kid out there. He takes in every stray and "homeless" animal. He makes me walk around ant hills so I don't "murder" any of them with my shoes. He saves the crust off his sandwiches and takes them after dinner to the backyard for the "homeless" animals to eat. He cares. And he did not for a minute even realize that bird was dead. He just thought it was a little lethargic. Seriously.

3. Boys - Can boys be cruel? Yes. Is it unacceptable? ABSOLUTELY. But I will say from personal experience, in my life I have been the recipient (and sometimes the giver) of very cruel and mean acts. And I can say without a shadow of a doubt that while boys can be cruel and mean, it has been my overwhelming experience, that girls can also be the culprit of cruelness. We can be biddy and manipulative and CRUEL. I have experienced it from women (mainly just one that will go unmentioned states away), many more times than boys. I hear what you are saying, but it goes both ways.

4. I think there is not a soul alive that does not agree that cruelness and bullying (in any gender) is unacceptable and NOT tolerated. But, I must say...Middle Twerp was not being cruel to this bird in any way shape of form. He was being a BOY -- and what we mean by that is a girl would have crinkled her nose, squealed, and ran (on her tippie-toes) to tell her brother. Who would have picked it up and played football and tried to make it fly. It's not cruel -- it is just the difference in boys and girls.

Thanks for your compassion. We need more people like you who are brave enough to speak up when cruelty is occurring. I just wanted to clarify that this was not one of those instances.

I love you all.

Big Pink Fuzzy Heart With Glitter,
Country Girl


Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Way to put it CG!

Farmgirl Paints said...

I knew he didn't kill that bird. Just look at his little face...he wouldn't do that.

You stated that in a very nice way. Good for you! I had someone say something to me one time that stung a bit. Amazing how the one "not so nice" comment is the one I remember.

mrscravitz said...

Girls can be meaner! It is just not the "boys". I raised three boys, and yes, they do things girls might not do, but girls do things boys don't do. I know! I was the recipient of many GIRLS being cruel to me in high school! I had more guy friends, because they do not pass judgement. I don't know. Kids are kids, and you three of the cutest ones around. I love hearing your stories, and seeing them grow.

Comments! YES! YES! YES! I know exactly what you mean. I LOVE COMMENTS on my blog too!

Keep up the stories. Good, Bad, Indifferent. IT IS JUST LIFE!

The only thing I worry about is the "bird Flu" or what ever they carry. I found a dead bird in my yard yesterday morning. Could of been a cat! But I am always cautious when it comes to dead birds. I put on the rubber gloves. Get a 55 gal plastic bag. Carefully pick up the dead bird, and tie the bag tightly shut. THen I go in and antibacterialize my body! LOL

greta130 said...

Well said.

I have 3 boys and they are all extremely kind-hearted, sensitive and affectionate. I'm sure yours are as well. Cruelty is certainly not gender specific, and of course you wouldn't tolerate it even if it was. Boys WILL be boys - and I happen to love every rough-housing, playing-in-the-dirt, fearless, curious, imaginative minute of it!!

Lesa said...

Country Girl, you are way nicer than I am... By reading back on the post, you never ever said boys will be boys, your commenters did... at any rate, you keep doing what you are doing sweet girl! You have raised 3 adorable children and you entertain us with your stories of them.

Dana and Daisy said...

I feel partly responsible for this since I asked if you thought he killed the poor little thing.

I read you first.
Because everything you say puts a smile on my face.

And I think you and IJ are parenting with honesty and intent and that is rare, sadly.

Love you CG!

Molly said...

My brother onced killed a frog on accident by picking it up with a stick, he was only 4. Children are inoccent, loving and carefree. I'm sure MT was trying to revive said bird back to his flying state so he could get back to her net. People take things to seriously, let children be children.
~Molly P

Jenn said...

Well said. You have such a kind heart - it's inspiring. :)

MT (and ET and BT for that matter) don't have a mean bone in their cute little bodies. They are children and you are doing a fantastic job. :)

Anonymous said...

Ok, this has nothing to do with todays blog. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for anything I've said or will say in future that may sound rude or offend you.........Ms. Deb's flowers are beautiful!!! Did that work for me??? lol

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

meemaw -- you just might get a visit. cause i wuvs u that much.

please don't hide from me.

Stacie said...

You are SO sweet CG! I would've gone all "Mama Bear" and gotten defensive. I mean, what is he a ninja? How could he have killed a bird, anyway? You're so funny, so real & I in your words "big pink fuzzy heart with glitter" Love your blog the bestest!!!

The Wife said...

I think you handled that very nicely.

Queen of the Misfits said...

i totally knew what was going on...i have a 9 year old! it only gets WORSE! haha.

blue-eyes said...

As a mom of 3 little boys, I felt I had to un-lurk myself for this. What your kids did is something similar my boys did a few weeks ago--they were just trying to get the bird to fly home. They (at least mine) at this age have no concept of death as permanant. It's just natural curiosity.

As the old saying goes...everyone's an expert on children until they have their own!

I'd have to just brush that one off..horses and children are two COMPLETELY different things!

Angelena said...

I have 3 boys and completely and utterly understood every word you said. My boys would have done the same thing only it would have probably involved some sorta team effort including field goals....

bakerchick103 said...

Ya know, it didn't even cross my mind that he had killed that bird. I just automatically assumed that he'd found it somewhere in your yard. I also have 3 of my own (kids not dead birds), so I guess that's how a mommy's mind works! And yes you handled that very well, much better than I would've!

City girl turned Country Girl said...

Umm WOW!!! I must first say that I too never once thought MT had killed the bird!! You handled your response with such grace!! I kind of feel like if someone has read your blog even only 2 times they would figure out that you would NEVER make light of a mean or cruel situation!!

It is always good for people to be cautious, but you didn't do anything wrong here...

Lisa (Jonnysmommy) said...

Oh good grief....I'm sure the commenter didn't mean it to come out that way, but sometimes we can say the dumbest things, can't we?

Anyhow, the saying "boys will be boys" is a hard one for me only because I was harassed in school by some boys and when I went to the male teacher to ask for help all he said was "Boys will be boys." The harassment...pretty bad and sexual too, but that is the only reason that particular phrase bothers me. Even though it is true at times...boys will be boys! :-)

Jensamom23 said...

Well put, CG!

Jensamom23 said...

Well put, CG!

Anonymous said...

I have to comment. As I am reading all the comments, OVER THE RHINE is playing "Let's Spend the Day in Bed". Love the song---love the group. I think you recommended them
By the way, I have 5 kids and 9 grandkids. Yes, cruelty is not gender specific---but never is it acceptable. But it is amazing to me how cruel kids come from cruel families


Anonymous said...

I have to comment. As I am reading all the comments, OVER THE RHINE is playing "Let's Spend the Day in Bed". Love the song---love the group. I think you recommended them
By the way, I have 5 kids and 9 grandkids. Yes, cruelty is not gender specific---but never is it acceptable. But it is amazing to me how cruel kids come from cruel families


Tracie said...

I never gave a second thought about how the bird died - just a major EWWW go wash your hands you're playing with a nasty dead bird. LOL

Amy said...

i guess you told me!! i was commenting on the comments -- so many people used that phrase and it just irks me that people recite that in 2009 to excuse bad behavior by boys and men. Whether its boys being bullies or men having affairs that phrase is commonly used to excuse the behavior. My intention was just to disabuse people that that is an acceptable response when bad acts are committed by the male gender. I did not mean to attack your children, nor did I think I did that. I apologize if that is what came across. And for the commenters that WOULD attack like a "mama bear" bc I said its not a good excuse -- hmmmm. I enjoy reading your blog.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what let the reader to think MT killed the bird??? That isn't the impression I got but then I didn't realize there were blog trolls, either.
FWIW, I think girls are meaner.

J said...

I love your blog, and you are a kind person. You take the time to answer emails from moms you have never met, and probably in all likelihood, never will. Your blog is fun to read, and it's real which keeps me coming back. I think your response to Amy is totally appropriate and well deserved!

To Amy~
Well, I think CG let you off rather nicely. Boys will be boys, they are inheritantly different from girls. Put the phrase into context, please. To suggest that MT's behavior was cruel or a "bad act" is ridiculous, and it is totally what you have suggested - own that, would you?

"And for the commenters that WOULD attack like a "mama bear" bc I said its not a good excuse -- hmmmm." If you don't have children, then I guess you wouldn't understand those that said that, if you do then I think you should be able to piece it together.