A couple days ago the boys spilled a few gallons of gas in the garage and since then the fumes have been UNBEARABLE. I am talking throat burnin -- like I am fo shiz down a few thousand brain cells. And let's face it -- I don't have that many to spare. Ya know what I am sayin? Well, when I woke up Friday morning, I had taken all I could take. I was tired and smelly and frankly, high.Soooo -- I called the NON EMERGENCY FIRE DEPARTMENT number and said, "Please do not call Child Protective Services, but my spawn dumped gasoline out in my garage and after 2 days the fumes are so intense I cannot sleep -- do you know how I can clean it up? Or do you have any suggestions of what I could buy to help?"
Then, this is what happened.... "HOLD PLEASE" {insert Motown music}
"Ma'am? I have dispatched a crew and they are in route."
"EXSQUEEZE ME?!?!?!? I do not need a truck dispatched -- I only need advice. Call it off. Send them back. Tell them it was a wrong number. Tell them I was talking about GAS -- from my husband -- after some unfortunately bean burritos. CALL THEM OFF."
Then I heard the sirens.
They had dispatched not one -- but TWO fire trucks...and a man in a little truck following them.
I ran to their truck in my heels and a darling muted black suit -- Hello? I know what you are thinking -- but I have to tell you the truth -- I have mentally ill twin sister-- Helga -- who lives here and she called you. And she is in time out. And I am sooo sorry. Would you like some cookies and milk?
And IJ -- Oh IJ was MORTIFIED! He looked at me and said -- YOU CALLED THE FIRE DEPARTMENT?!?!?
Uhm, well that is disputable. Let me explain. It was Helga -- my evil twin. She is uncontrollable!!!!
So IJ and I stood out in the fume infested garage and waved good bye to the best firemen in the world. And as they pulled out...chucking all the way ... they shouted out the window -- BYE HELGA!!!
11 comments:
I am lauging so hard I have tears coming down my face!!! That so sounds like something that would happen at my moms house. Oh wait it did only my baby brother set the woods on fire and the fire dept was called. It was an accident, he was trying to bend a nail for his tree house and his friend lit the match and it got hot and he dropped it. Please don't call social services, HA HA. Have a great weekend chick!!
~Molly P
I am lauging so hard I have tears coming down my face!!! That so sounds like something that would happen at my moms house. Oh wait it did only my baby brother set the woods on fire and the fire dept was called. It was an accident, he was trying to bend a nail for his tree house and his friend lit the match and it got hot and he dropped it. Please don't call social services, HA HA. Have a great weekend chick!!
~Molly P
Oh, girl, and please don't take this wrong... i mean it with sister love... but you are making me feel better about myself. Plus I don't feel so all alone, when I step in it...everyday.
Keep up the great work. Really...don't hate me.
and speaking of mortified...i am not posting under my name because it is my real name and y'all already know it. let me just say, if IJ didn't tell you i was profoundly sorry about the gas and the twerps involved- i am deeply, profoundly sorry about the gas and the twerps involved, including my own who did not come and tell me that toxicly fuming substances were being poured out in the garage during the three point five minutes that i let them run screaming like indians with the door pulled shut so they would not shatter windows. i cannot believe they sent THREE trucks. i promise- no more toxic spills.
signed,
the new nanny
After I went and changed my undies, cause I peed in 'em I was laughing so hard, I called my hubby to see if it's normal for them to go to a call where gas is accidentally spilled. And it is. I knew that they went to gas stations if someone has spilled gas on the ground, but I wasn't sure about your situation. I ask him if they always send out that many truck w/ sirens blazing. Again, they do. Only if you'd lived in my town, you would've got an engine, a ladder truck, a rescue truck, the battalion chief, and a hazmat unit. Then IJ would've really been mortified! Hahahahaha!!!
Oh no! Well that must have been embarrassing. What are you supposed to do? I probably would have done the same thing;)
Seriously, where do you come up with this stuff? I think you probably have more brain cells than the most of us for sure - genius.!
Okay, I know I commented already, but seriously this get funnier every time I read it!! What really gets me is that you were taking pictures the whole time!!! Hahahahhahaa!!
You need a tax refund, because they did not send the hot firemen.
ok but did they not tell you how to get rid of the stank??
i kinda like the smell of gas when i'm at the gas station filling up my car, but i don't think i would use it as a new home fragrance.
you didn't even get any close up shots of them in their cute little uniforms? What were you thinking?
our garage smells like a dog crapped in it, pardon my french, and we don't even have a dog. Did they give any tips for that?
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