Monday, October 12, 2009

Operation Lie About Your Age So You Can Ride A Horse; Please Don't Judge Me

I have been to NYC, DC, and Tennessee this past week. The first were for work, but when I landed Friday night I said to myself, SELF -- you deserve a vaca. And then she responded back Honey Child, YES YOU DO. I just love my SELF. She always knows what I need. So I didn't even unpack, I just loaded up my spawn and we were east bound a truckin. Now let me pause and say, if ever you might possibly be prone to judgement...this would be the post to let it be unleashed. Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I have performed atrocious parenting skills and lacked judgement with the next generation. In the words of Michael, "The Children are our future. Teach them well and they will lead the way." Uhm, yeah. I failed. But in my humble need for acceptance and love, please lock the judgement away. Please let the love flow. Last time I took a mini vaca there was drama. Please stop laughing. Exsqueeze me? You're not surprised. What? We went horseback riding and Baby Twerp was not old enough to ride. Since that day (and I am talking EVERY DAY) he has reminded us that the only thing he wants from his life is to go horseback riding. And a life free of water but that is a story for another day.
Anyhoo, when we arrived in the Smokey Mountains we soon found out the age limit for horseback riding was 5. Uhm....5. BT is 4. Houston we have a problem.
So we broke out into Operation Lie About Your Age. We woke the boys up and said WHO WANTS TO PLAY A GAME TODAY? TODAY WE ARE GONNA PLAY BT IS 5. And BT and MT are twins. Got it? They nodded. I thought we were done.

Little did I know, my Baby has a conscience. It must come from his father's side.
When we arrived I could tell the weight of the world was on his shoulders.
This look was the look of moral conflict. I knew our plan was about ready to crash before us.
I gave him a shout out -- BT? Remember our game. Then I called a guy coming out of the barn over to him. They had a little discussion and then I heard wailing and gnashing of teeth.Baby Twerp came running over screaming I TOLD HIM I WAS FOUR. I TOLD HIM. WAHHH AHHHH AHHHA AHHHH. I DIDN'T PLAY THE GAAAAAAMMMMMEE. IJ tried to console him. It's okay. Don't worry it is fine.I was not at my best. YOU DID WHAT? HELLO GET IN THE GAME BT. YOU ARE 5. SAY IT. SAY IT!!! (i kid i kid -- kinda)
It was all consuming for the child. He walked back up -- I WAS JUST KIDDING. I'm really 5 --can I ride. The people just smiled and put him on a horse. Thank you Lord Jesus. It took him awhile to warm up. But we were ready to ride.
The only thing that made it worse was BT was up by the guide... talking. TALKING. And all i could hear every once in a while was TWINS -- GAME -- FIVE.
Then Middle Twerp would turn around in a loud voice and say -- YEP THAT'S RIGHT WE'RE TWINS. Both FIVE. I was still born first and all -- BUT BOTH FIVE. RIGHT MOMMA? (wink wink)
And this one -- this one glared her judgement at me. She hurts. She hurts.
I was keeping myself preoccupied with this. I made him call me Little Missy and tip his hat my way. I also said WHY I DO DECLARE. quite often. It has not affect on him. He rides on a steel horse. He is wanted. Anyone? Anyone?
Anyhoo -- even through all the trauma and lies and deceit and grand parenting -- this child had the TIME OF HIS LIFE. ALL 5 years of it.
I have now went ahead and enrolled us all in therapy. Cause when we went to putt putt where 4 and under are FREE -- I said I have one 4-year-old. BT piped up NO MOMMA. I AM 5!
Heaven help us.

18 comments:

Scrappy Girl said...

Dr. Hubby and I honeymooned in the Smokey Mountains...we always laugh about horseback riding...we went on a 1 hour ride one day...loved it!...then we went on the 2 hour ride the next day. We were both so sore that in all the history of honeymoons we were the only couple who spent one night "just cuddling."

Deborah said...

That story made my day!! Very funny...We all do it, so don't worry!

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

I love the Smokey Mountains. Glad he got to ride after all.

Dana and Daisy said...

I love that ET got the Palomino! Cause I love Palominos!

Now as for you CG! I am just surprised that the man upstairs didn't play his own game just to teach you a lesson. That game would be called, "Let's buck CG off the horse and into the river!" ha ha!

I kid I kid, sort of.

So glad you guys had a nice family get away!
Love, Dana

Linda said...

Girl! You are a riot! Looks like everyone had a great time.

Dusty Devoe said...

Very cute story! I am sure every family has told a "LITTLE" white lie about their childrens ages!

Treasia said...

I am just happy that BT had a wonderful time. At last once he got past his "little white lie".

Bon Jovi - Dead or Alive?

theelizabethhighsmith said...

i'll have a cowboy to go please, the big one, not baby twerp though he's going to be a heart breaker.

Paige said...

I can promise you that is far from the only lie told in the name of getting on a horse. Like the one I told so many times to my husband --"here honey, look what I bought you for your birthday!"

That is how I ended up with 50 of them

Brandy said...

gosh you crack me up!!

Anonymous said...

BT looks just like IJ in the sixth picture. Your kids have grown up so much since yall left. love & miss yall.
Tiffanie

I'm Just Being Me... said...

That sounds so much like my middle cousin - He can NOT tell a lie (even the whitest) to save his life without feeling bad! It's so cute...

bakerchick103 said...

My parents lied about my age so much when I was growing up, I'm not really sure how old I am. ;)

Oh My Word said...

too cute!

and i love me some bon jovi ;-)

Oh My Word said...

too cute!

and i love me some bon jovi ;-)

~Mad said...

I have tears rolling down my face, I have laughed so darn hard!!

Thank you for a great story to finish off my weekend!

~Mad(elyn) in Alabama

Crazyaboutmyfamily said...

You are so funny. I forgot how funny you are.

writing4612 said...

My dad did that when my brother was younger. I don't agree with it, but you are free to do what you want.

Someone said it's ok because everyone else does it. I don't agree with that generalization because not everyone does it. Most people say that when trying to justify something they've done.