Saturday, March 20, 2010

Help Me Rhonda

I need you now. More than words can say. I need you now. Before I lose my mind....

I need you. Because I can't make a decision to save my life. When multiple options are faced before me, my palms start sweating, my heart palpitates, and then I have to pee -- cause my bladder runneth over. Sorry, but it's true. I'm just keepin it real.

Anyhoo -- I have a decision to make. And decisions are not so much my thang. Neither is orange. It clashes with my pink undertones.

So most normal, sane human beings would just hunker down and make the call. But I think we have established I am neither normal, nor sane. So who do I turn to? Why my sweet honey child, of COURSE, I turn to you -- my fearless blog friends. You have never lead me astray. When all around me is sinking sand of my blog friends I stand. When I need a shelter when I need a friend, I do to the blog. (Name that tune.)

So I cry forth from the pits of despair. I beseech you dear brethern. Help a poor distressed Country Girl out.

I need you to help me decide where to go on vacation. The entire family's happiness rests upon my shoulders....the burden of decision making is my cross to bear. And it is more than my dainty shoulders can handle. They were made for more of a burden of a pink shimmer scarf. God knew what he was doing and all.

So I come to you -- to lead, guide, and direct me in the way I should go. To be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. However, I have a few nonnegotiables we must consider. Please do not judge me -- just love and embrace me.
  1. I must go to a beach. No "and, if, or, but , or maybe" about it. My soul longs for the beach and I cannot deny my heart its one true love any longer. I must go to a beach.
  2. I have to stay at a Marriott Resort. And I am a total Hotel Snob. I know. I know. But I'm just tellin you like it is -- the hotel will make or break it for me.
  3. I have to be able to drive from the Deep South within 10 hours.
  4. It has to be warm -- (please see #5)
  5. It has to be nowhere near anyone I might ever know or see again because I plan on spending every day in my bikini and sippin on a frozen fruity concoction with an umbrella. As a matter of fact I might even sleep on the beach...and by sleep, I mean catnaps....or possible massages. (In actuality, the Spawn will be find as long as they have life jackets on right? Hello?)

So anyhoo -- to recap: I need sand and high thread count sheets and sun and strangers who do not mind a middle aged lady wearing a bikini and love and acceptance for you have a place?

Looking for love in all the wrong places,

Country Girl


Goodwife said...

Gee CG, you are soooo low maintenance.............

Tinctures 'N' Thyme said...

Why stay in a Marriott? I recommend finding a very beautiful, unique hotel somewhere. Have you ever stayed in an official "historic" hotel? Marriots and Hiltons are ok for business, but those are the best for vacays.

To bad you aren't heading north. There are some gorgeous beaches up here in MI!



theelizabethhighsmith said...

i asked rhonda,
cause i get by on a little help from my friends, she says to tell you:
aruba, jamaica ooo she wants to take you
to bermuda, bahama, come on pretty mama
key largo, montego baby why don't we go
down to kokomo
we'll get there fast
and then we'll drink the cupcake."
i don't know how reliable she is i hear she stole her daddy's t-bird. but i've been to aruba and it's fantastic, howbeit i went pre-natalie debacle, but the beaches will make you want to sell your spawn and live there. key west has a killer key lime pie, you should go just to eat the pie. and then there's hilton head a hop skip and a jump and given enough cupcake the beach looks better and better!
happy, happy vacation planning!

Scrappy Girl said...

We are beachin' it this year in Oak Island NC...we love it! We are in Vegas right now and figured out that there is DEFINITELY a difference in hotels here...thank God for the Palazzo and all its fabulous marble...amen.

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

South Florida!

We are 5 mins from the beach and I think there is a hotel right on the beach too. It's nice here and the kids would love it!

Let me know if I can help you look into anything :)

Then maybe we could hook up one day for a glass of Cup Cake wine and Mexican food!

Tractor Mom said...

Have you thought about St. Simons off the Georgia coast? You know if it was good enough for the Rockfellers, do you think it would be good enough for you?