Friday, October 3, 2014

What a Difference You've Made In My Life

I have always struggled with contentment.  Once I reach a goal I am wondering, what's next?  Is there more?  Can it get better?  Is this ENOUGH?

Even though I am always looking for the next thing... I thought, I was content.  But sometimes, just sometimes, even I can be stunned.  To my core.

A little over a year ago I was having some "weird" symptoms.  I was pretty sure it was a cyst.  I mean, I looked it up on WebMD so I was 99,9% sure I was right.  I mean, WebMD was ALWAYS right... right?  So I went to the doctor and let him know, "I have a cyst."  What I have found is my doc really likes it when I self diagnose.  I mean it saves him time and all.  I am thoughtful like that.  I was very matter of fact.  No bones about it.  Cyst.  Period.  It went something like this...

Me:  I have a cyst.
Doc:  How do you know?
Me:  WebMD...duh!
Doc: Well, let's run some test.
Me:  We don't need to.  I have a cyst.
Doc: Well, I have the results.
Me:  Cyst?
Doc:  No....

Shut the front door.  I didn't believe him.  No way.  I was certain a cyst could mask itself in the form of pregnancy.  I think I read about that once...on WebMD. 

Me:  Well, my cyst is releasing hormones that are showing a false pregnancy
Doc:  That can't happen.
Me:  Uhm.  What year did you get your medical license?
Doc:  1982.
Me:  Exactly.  It is a cyst.  

So, he sent me to an OBGYN.  Maybe it was because he just wanted to get rid of me.  Maybe because he knew EVERYONE who has a cyst has to go to an OBGYN.  I mean even the 1982 graduates knew that.  Bless his heart.  

I understood his rational.  OBGYN. They dealt with cyst all the time.  I went in.  No worries.  And she told me... You are pregnant.

Me:  I KNOW -- crazy thing, right?  The deal is...I am not pregnancy.  I have a cyst.  It is just showing as a false pregnancy.
OBGYN:  Okay. Let's do an ultrasound.
Me:  GREAT.  Finally.  
OBGYN:  See that.  See that flicker?  It is a heartbeat.  Cysts don't have heartbeats. 

At that time my world stood still.  Pregnant.  At my age.  Strollers.  Car seats.  Bottles.  Baby sitters.  Spit up.  I was out of all those stages.  I now wore 3 inch heels and wore black everywhere.  I was not ready for a BABY!

I was in denial.  I mean...I went MONTHS.  You couldn't really tell, right?  I think it kind of looked like I just ate a bean burrito...or two.

 But then, slowly but surely it started to sink in.  I was growing life within me...

 And there were three VERY excited spawn that was ready to add one more life to the mix.
 And 8 months I was.  Ready to bring another Twerp into the fold.
 And by NINE months...I was REALLY ready.
 Even my ankles cried forth to the gods of mercy.

 Then, on a sunny day, this happened.  This amazing miracle.
 And it just didn't seem real,
 until they laid her in my arms.
 And someone tried to steal the show...Lord help me.
 And I realized.  We were finally complete.  Our final baby had arrived...
 and our hearts....
 and family...
I think even she was surprised...  Like, What are you talkin about Willis?  They have how many kids?
But you know what she taught me?  God is never done with blessings. 
  He is knows  more than you know and delivers what you never even knew you needed.
 Because this child.  Oh, this child...
 Has brought a light and love to our family that we never knew was missing.
She turned our world upside down.
And made us have So.  Much.  Fun!

And made us realize.  No matter how much we plan.  No matter how much we know.  No matter how much we control.  Sometimes, just sometimes.  God knows better.
And after a military retirement.
And a move back home to the land that flows with milk and honey.
And the love surrounded by family...
We are now compete  And content.  


Dana and Daisy said...

I pink fuzzy heart with glitter love this!

Michelle Stoddard said...

Beautiful post :) There is something amazing about feeling content. So happy for you.

Melinda said...

SO HAPPY for you all!! Oh My!!
She looks EXACTLY like your youngest son!
I really missed reading your blog...please keep writing!!