Sack Lunch Tomorrow

I am going to have to start bringing my lunch. I went down to the snack bar today and BIG LEE (as he has affectionately named himself) was sitting on the stool at the register, ever so ready to serve me. He refrained from any off-color comments due to the fact of that he was preoccupied digging foreign objects out of his ear. His sheer vigor and force was somewhat like a big old mutt digging mites out of his ear. I was awaiting the thumping sound that I would expect to accompany such digging. As I stepped over to pour my coffee, I noticed him slip something in his front shirt pocket. I glanced down to see a BOBBY PIN! He was digging inside his ear with a bobby pin. This is the preparer of my food. The man I trust to provide a healthy CLEAN meal for me. Where is the Health Department to protect me from such perils? I was grossed out, to say the least, but not ready to write off my beloved snack bar. UNTIL, in one fluid moment I reached over to grab my coffee and noticed the residue of ear wax and auditory dandruff scattered across his shirt – and one can only imagine how far the shrapnel flew during this violent attack. Yes, I am finished at Big Lee’s Snack Bar. I shall eat Big Lee’s no more forever. (Well, except the prepackaged stuff. I mean, a girl can get hungry!)