Saturday, June 16, 2007

I Know This to Be True

I am a perfectionist, this I know to be true. I am always looking for better, because good is, well, just not good enough. Life is good for me, but could it be better? This is the question that always plagues me. Am I missing something? What if I am just doing okay and perfection is out there? Here we go with discontented again. Grrrr.

I have three BEAUTIFUL kids. I stayed home for awhile, I felt like I was missing something. I went to work part-time—unfulfilling. Now I truly have a dream job, a dreamy husband and the kids I have always dreamed of; yet, this is not it.

Will I ever get to good enough? Or will there always be something better? Discontented again.

I have a new lofty dream. This fulfills me in some strange way. I have to have something to reach for, something to strive for, something to obtain. I want a country life. I want to can green beans, hang cloths on the line, and listen to crickets for entertainment. I want to live in a town so small that we know everybody’s business and linage, but no one dare to make fun of us because we are all family. I want to smell manure and like it in some strange way. I want it to take 20 minutes to drive to get your groceries and I do not want it to be a special event to see a deer or have a turtle in your backyard. I want to live where if someone found my house they would be lost! But would I be discontented because no Starbuck’s would be close and where would I wear my new black Nine West pumps? What is wrong with me! What do I want?

2 comments:

Rising Rainbow said...

Only you can answer that question of what do you want but it's not right there on the surface. You will have to dig deep within yourselfm be honest and true to yourself and not be heading where others think you should. Only then will you find what it is you truly long for. Once you find that dream and follow it those days of discontent will be gone. And dreams have a funny way of growing, it will lead you on a marvelous life. I know because Ilve been where you are but I've found my dream and I'm living it.

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

It's called wanderlust. Understand what it is --- and you can sate it.

Live in the moment. Take joy from what you have in the here and now. It takes a concerted effort to be happy. Think about that for a little while and really digest it.
It takes a concerted effort to be happy.

I think it simply boils down to appreciating what you have in the here and now, and *choosing* to enjoy it.

You're not alone. I think most people feel this at some point or another in their lives. Those boys will grow up quicker than you probably realise, though. So, enjoy them - savour every stay-at-home moment;).

And don't be too hard on yourself when you have the urge for something a little different. That's when you know a little side trip out of the ordinary routine is in order.

Oh, and if you and your husband really want the country life --- go for it -- then embrace it and enjoy it thoroughly. Then tell me you have a weekend cottage that I can come stay in for a visit;)!