Sunday, October 14, 2007

Mom, You Suck

So I go my vacuum clean out the other night to clean up Oreo cookie crumbs off the carpet. Did I say Oreo cookies? I meant fresh fruit and vegetable pieces...like broccoli and orange crumbs. Cause Lawd Almighty knows I would never bring something so unhealthy and UNorganic like Oreo cookies into my home. Not me. Nope. Not healthy-mom-of-the-year me. Nadda. Only organic, wholesome food here. Yes sirree Bob. (Who is Bob anyways?)
So as I opened the closet door and began to wheel out our vacuum, my kids stood in awe. What was this machine? Where did it come from? What were its powers? I realize that although I am quite the Betty Homemaker (Who is Betty anyways? Is she married to Bob?), and I scrub the floors daily with a toothbrush and clean my grout every night before bed with a toothpick, my children have never seen me vacuum. What was this strange machine? When I turned it on, I stuck the hose on my oldest son's belly. He laughed, giggled, snorted, and then begged me to do it again.
I appeased the poor soul. Again, again. One more time.

Why was I hiding such an amazing toy as the VACUUM CLEANER? Why had I not pulled this 2007 Toy of the Year out before? This was the BEST! Soon Nutter tried some new tricks.Okay, that one was not such a good idea.... Now we had some trust issues.But on we go....For hours this played out.... Soon we were trying to convince Butter to give in a try. What Nutter does, Butter does too. They just go together.Butter was not as impressed and there was NO WAY that thing was getting near his face.He just watched from the sidelines.Nutter continued for a few more hours. This is where I will stop the pictures. How was a suppose to know this would cause purple hickeys all over my child's face and lips? What kind of mother can predict these sorts of things? The pictures will stay off, for my fear that you might call DHS. If DHS is reading, all these pictures were doctored to LOOK like we were using the vacuum on my son's face. This is all one BIG joke. Ha Ha Ho Ho Hee Hee... That sure was hilarious!

1 comment:

Tiger Lamb Girl said...

They look absolutely fascinated with your vacuum. Which kinda makes me wonder --- haven't they ever seen it before?
(lol)

I mean at least yours looks like a heavy duty one --- whereas mine is so wimpy I can't stand to use it and when I do I'm pining for a Dyson.