Sunday, April 6, 2008

Mexican Mortification Memoir

So I had a hankering for Mexican food tonight. This is not an abnormal occurrence for me. This fancy hits me three or four times a week. Sometimes a little Taco Bell can calm the Mexican monster within, but tonight was different -- I needed salsa...real hot salsa, pico de gala, all those yummy carrots in the relish and jalapeno chicken enchiladas. Be still my beating heart. All this is great, but have I mentioned I have three children and no hubby? Could I possibly dare to go to a sit down restaurant on a weekend night with three twerps?

My desire won over. It was a little chilly out so I threw my jeans in the dryer with a load of cloths before we left. There is nothing better than warm jeans on a cool night (plus I really did not want to iron). I grabbed my pants out of the dryer, slipped two toddlers in car seats, buckled in another twerp, and off we went.

We took the bare minimum into the restaurant -- the kids, my cc in my back pocket, and my cell. We ate in peace and it was heavenly. I did have to take kids to the bathroom on three separate occasions for emergency potty breaks.

This woman diagonal from us kept looking at me. I just assumed she was amazed at my parenting skills of corralling three spawn in a sit down restaurant.

At the end of the meal (sopapia in my mouth) she came over, bent down and whispered in my ear, "You have something coming out of your pants leg."

I bent down and pulled out....GULP...a pair of my purple polka dot panties. I had to stop and think how in the world this happened. How could my underwear just come off? Then I realized they got caught in the leg of my jeans while they were in the dryer.

I have no idea how long I sat at the table, stunned and staring at my purple panties, then my Eldest Twerp scolded me and said, "Mom, put those away!"

Where was I to put them? I did not bring in my diaper bag...nothing. So I did what any reasonable mature mother would do. I reached over, pulled the back of my baby twerp's diaper out, and shoved them down into his diaper.

Please don't judge me. What would you have done?


E and T said...

Another hilarious post. The way you write makes it all too easy to actually visualise this whole scene unfold.

I think you found the perfect solution. The only other place could have been to shove them down your bra.

Cristie said...

I love this post. How hilarious! I agree with "e and t". You write wonderfully.

ptamom3 said...

You make me laugh everytime- thanks for starting my day out with a laugh!
I was thinking the same as "e and t" stuff them in the bra.

Treasia said...

Oh now that's to funny. I have heard of still having the dryer sheet stuck but never panties. haha

Michelle said... to laugh at you or anything but that is soooo funny!
You HAVE to watch this!
I'm not sure if the one i'm trying ot get you to watch will pop up by this link or not ~ if not scroll over the little icon thing until you see
The Preacher, The Panties & The Policeman

Anonymous said...

You're so funny :) LOL
That reminds me of a near embarrassing moment I had a few weeks ago. It was Sunday afternoon and I was planning on going to the nursing home for our monthly preaching service. Before I left, my mom asked if I would practice a song with her that we were to sing that night. While we were practicing I stuck my hands in the front "kangaroo" pocket of my hoody. I felt... something and pulled out the stringiest pair of panties. The day before, my daughter had pulled them out of a pile of clothes I was folding and I had grabbed them from her and stuck them in my pocket. I'm just glad I found them then instead of in the middle of 20 geriatrics and my pastor!
Hope your husband is safe and well. Mine has been gone for 3 weeks and I have had no contact with him. I miss him :(


Dreams of a Country Girl said...

michelle -- hilarious! It was almost exactly like that!!!!!!!!!!

Steve said...

That was hilarious. I love the way you can laugh at situations. I think you just know it will make a good blog story!

Jubilee on Earth said...

OMG, that is SO hysterical!!! I would've pulled them out, started twirling them around and sing, "Oh, well it's ladies night...."

Okay, maybe I wouldn't have. But how funny is that? You are so cracking me up.


feather k said...

HA! Sorry I missed it :) Give me a call next time and I can help with the kiddos...and eat :)