PW asked a question a couple weeks ago,
How similar is your life now to how you imagined it ten years ago? Twenty years ago? Are you exactly where you imagined you’d be? Or are you constantly asking yourself, “How did I get here?” Do you mourn the unrealized plans in your life? Or are you happy no matter what your circumstances?
And I responded....
I thought I would be … more….
But then I had to go back, cause that was not enough of the truth ...
I am grumpy when I should have patience, I yell when I should forgive, I run when I should have courage…I am not who I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.
How would you have responded? Are you livin your dream or sometimes do you just feel insignificant and a disappointment?
10 comments:
How ironic, i just read her post and when i read yours (now i know it's yours!) it really resonated with me. I often feel like I am the same. I'm learning not to be so quick to react, be angry or yell...especially at my dear sweet children. 20 years ago my father was dying of cancer, and ended up dying a year later. I need to remind myself that life is fragile and I should appreciate each and every moment with my children. I finally read the Eckhart Tolle book A New Earth. It has really made me think in a whole new way! It's made me feel more peaceful!!
It was your original comment of "more" that led me to your blog.
...yours was one of the ones she highlighted today! Very thought-provoking.
But,CG, you are so hysterical - you should publish!
~Mad(elyn) in Alabama
I am exactly where I wanted to be (living my dream life) and yet.... not quite as much or as good I as I had hoped to be. And often feel insignificant. Not as a mother to my boys (I know that is very significant), but to others and when I'm out and about I feel invisible much of the time.
hi! i too found you through your "more" comment.. its kind of like when you were a freshman in high school and you couldnt wait to be a senior ebcaue you thought they were so much older and cool and could drive.. then when you became a senior- you still had a curfew and lived at home and it wasnt like what you thought it would be...
but im happy, so that's good
I'm really blessed today but I've been through a wee bit o' hell in my 40+ years. Sometimes that I were more "accomplished".. and then in a way I realize that we all "accomplish" everyday just by being there for each other, living, laughing, loving, crying, therapizing....
I've learned that you can plan and hope and take steps to realize your dreams, but sometimes fate takes hold and smacks you right in the fanny!
you could ask me that 100 times and i would have a different answer every time! you know mood swings!! but it is NOTHING like i could have dreamed! there are times that i feel like the world should envy me and how wonderfully i live and all i live with. then there are those times you play the... what would it have been like if i didn't get married and lived in a loft apartment in new york. the grass always seems greener... but i am happy where i am! (as long as i can pull out my old photo albums and reminisce of the old days)
my little country girl is famous! i just got around to reading my PW this evening!
oh, and go here:
http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/
its a daily source of inspiration for me. i even have a little thingy on my myspace.
I found you through PW's comments also. I rarely (never) read her comments, because there are so many, but your "thought I would be more..." really jumped out. I love your blog and your sense of humor!! Twenty years ago, I had no plans really. I think I've always kind of lived in the moment. I wanted to go to college, join a sorority, make new friends, then figure out what I wanted to do. I met my husband at Auburn, married him and here we are now with three girls and a BUSY life. I often think - "Shouldn't I want more?" Instead of a loft in New York or a fancy job - I want an organized pantry and kids that don't argue. :) Oh - and I'll take the strawberry drink your kids were drinking at Starbucks!!
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