Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Morning Exercise and Gag Refelxes

We woke up at some ungawdly hour in which the sun is not even insane enough to venture out at, and we whisked the two older Twerps off to school so Baby Twerp and I can enjoy the peace and quiet of a home with no children. What is Baby Twerp you ask? Is he not a child? Oh silly silly you, he is an old man in a two-year-old body. Seriously. But Baby Twerp and I enjoyed our breakfast out on the back deck in the cool morning listening to the tree frogs - or they could have been locust - or possibly hound dogs - or maybe even killer bees. I try not to get caught up in the details of life.

Baby Twerp enjoyed waffles and I had a Senseo French Vanilla Espresso Latte Cafe Vienna style - or something like that. I think all these coffee peeps got too much time on their hands to be getting that caught up in a name.

I wanna order like people at McDonald's ... #1 Super Sized extra grease with thunder thighs and belly flab. Oh and a side order of clogged arteries...with a SMALL DIET COKE. I am just like Oh, way to show constraint people. My order is the exact same as above, but I go ahead and get a super sized Dr Pepper. I have NO CONTROL people. I am so like girls gone wild at Mikey D's. Okay, I am back...we were on the back porch enjoying our breakfast and then Baby Twerp went and got all crazy on me and all and thought he was gonna take my coffee.
There was a small smack down in which I will not be documenting on film in case Child Protective Services monitors my blog. I kid. I kid. I am sure no one from there reads this. I am sure my three readers are not from CPS...right? Hello?
Then Mr. Be All Creative And Stuff and Don't Allow Momma To Just Sit Back And Listen To The Killer Bees Baby Twerp decided he wanted to play a game of Gate. Oh I have no clue how this ev-er got started, but if you are around BT for more that 8.421 seconds, you will be participatin.

First Baby Twerp gets in his tractor and then you must lift the gate up for him to pass through.
Then you must lower the gate to keep the cows in -- over and over and over and over again. I consider this my daily okay weekly workout though. It almost makes me break a sweat. Seriously.
Sometimes I like to be all crazy gatekeeper and pretend there is an electrical short and the gate falls on the poor farmer and tragedy strikes the farm with the main employer hurt and the harvest needs to come in and the bills are piling up. What shall we do? I think this helps with his problem solvin skillz and all...that is the only reason I participate.
And take a look at my poor little ole blister from my cute brown Ann Klein heels. It was so worth it though. Beauty before pain. Then we finished the lovely morning off pickin a winner. And what is it with boys that must show off their catch? Like they have gone out for the kill and bringing home the bacon.
I gagged.

10 comments:

Jenn said...

ewwwwwwww!

Becky :) said...

Nice!!!! Way to go Baby Twerp. My son used to do that all the time until one day my gag reflex kicked in and it was all over.

Dana Jones said...

what? no warning this time??
we are all gagging now!

Just wait till he gets older and starts hanging them on the wall for all to see.

theotherblonde said...

Well I guess Jenn already said it! LOL - & get that kid a tissue

3SonsAreMyLove said...

Have to change his name from "Baby Twerp" to "Booger Twerp"

The Wife said...

What's the deal with boys and boogies? Enjoyed reading thru your posts. Love your sense of humor!

feather k said...

So...is the blister really from a huge battery that BT hurled at your foot as you were lounging? I'm just glad you had time to polish your toe nails at practice before showing these foot pics...:)

Marchelle said...

killer bees, grease, child abuse, blisters, and boogers. its what keeps me coming back time and time again, country girl.

Jill in MN said...

okay, so i have no clue how i even came across your blog, but i wanted to tell you . . .I LOVE IT!!! and your music makes me feel happy. and i like a lot of the same songs. which, in turn, makes me like you. yay! anyway, all your entries are interesting and you always have loads of picture which coddles the "picture book" child in me. so thank you. and i just wanted to leave a comment so i wouldn't be lurking about which is semi-creepy. anyway, where was i? oh, yeah, seriously...awesome blog!!!

Kila said...

He is just so darn cute. Winner and all ;) Enjoy! :)