Someone challenged my thinking this week which does not happen very often. Not because I am so smart that it is impossible to challenge me - we are all painfully aware that is not the case - but because I usually know what I think and am set in my ways and it is hard to persuade me of anything else -- but someone succeeded...a hard task to boot.
We have been moved to our new state in our new city in our new house for two months now and well, I think it is fair to say that I have been a little melancholy -- you could even say I have been in a funk. Why? Well, heavens I do not know...if I knew all this I could solve all my problems and save thousands on therapy.
I have fallen into that...Well what can I do mode. Feeling at times quite useless and insignificant. And it is not that I am not willing to help, but I just don't know how.
I am by my very nature a take-life-by-the-seat-of-the-pants kinda gal, and over the past few months, I have allowed life to have me by the seat of the pants -- and worse yet, allowed others to direct my life -- and I have not enjoyed the ride.
So I sat down think this through. What is it? What has changed?
I have always been at my happiest when I am giving -- and the past few months I have been quite the taker. For me, it i just my natural tendency to be selfish...if left to me and my evil desires...I am selfish. I found a recent list of things I wanted to do...
- Learn Spanish
- Ride a Camel
- Have/Adopt More Babies
- Be Loved
- See the Great Wall of China
- Write a Book
- Build a House
- Spend Every Moment I Can Investing in People
- Climb a Mountain (a very small one) -- okay, check this one off list.
The problem was completely obvious to me. What does nine out of ten of these have in common....Embarrassing-ly it is that they are all about ME and quite insignificant. And number five-- gawlly - makes me hide my face in shame -- yikes. Selfishness is completely at the root of all of these. I am most happy when I am a giver -- and for the most part, since being here, I have been a taker.
But what...what do I have to give? And if there is one thing -- one redeeming quality tucked far away in the recluses of my soul -- one trait that might be of significance...it has always been unconditional love. I might not have a lot to give -- but I know I can give you love.
To remedy this I have decided to give--give--give....unconditionally -- at times small, but still a start.
Maybe giving and loving will lead me to the path of where I need to be.
I started small, unconditionally today with my neighbor. She is a single mom with THREE kids. One set of twin boys...YES, I said twin boys. She was out trying to mow her lawn after church and the kids were ...well, just being kids, but we all know how struggling that can be at times. I invited them over for the day and THEY ARE THE SWEETEST LITTLE THANGS EV-ER. They ate my cooking -- and said it was good...they are my new BFF's. She needed the break and my kids have loved hanging out with them. Everyone, except me, can already tell them apart. They are still here playin downstairs, and I honestly wanna keep the little suckers. In my attempt to give to my neighbor and love her a little, my family was blessed. Gosh I love it when stuff like that happens.
Tomorrow, I am givin away my Dr Pepper lip gloss -- I kid, I kid...I am not loving that unconditionally.