Sunday, August 24, 2008

Vanity Hair

You all know how much I love you and would do anything you ask me, cause well, you are my closest friends...that I have never met...but I find that a moot point. Anyhoo, I really would do anything you all ask, but I am in a pickle. Cause I have received numerous emails and comments and messages and sky writings [okay, I kid on that last one] asking me to post a step-by-step on how I fix my hair. And that makes me all nervous and embarrassed and I have been ignoring you cause I REALLY hated the thought of it...for several reasons.
  1. It is embarrassing how REALLY easy it is and how I spend NO TIME doing it and that is kinda embarrassin.
  2. There are ten billion people out there with way better hair.
  3. I only wash my hair like two times a week and I hated to admit it.
  4. Apparently, taken pics of one's self makes them look like a sick-o...or so I have been told.

But in all seriousness it is as easy and fast as canned biscuits and there are only a few things that are a MUST in order to fix it. Okay there are only TWO things that are a must.

Number One

Hair - You must have hair. If you do, yours will look better than mine. I have no special hair genetic predispositioned genealogical chromosomal DNA. I also do not have a degree in biology or physics or spelling.

And to prove I have no genetic hair predisposition, let's take a look, shall we?I think that says it and and I also think this proves I have a Pablo Picasso-like chicken head obsession, but that is a topic for another long therapy session at another date and time.

Number Two

Hot Tools Curling Iron. This is like the Lexus of cars. The Dr Pepper of beverages. The Starbuck's of coffee. The lime of flavors. The Scorpions of rock. This is the tool of the gods and I would promise my next spawn for him. He cost me about 52 bucks and he has been worth every penny. I got him at my local salon, but must local beauty supply stores have him too. I think he is a 1 1/2 in barrel. He is big.This is what else I use. I know. Disappointingly cheap.

  1. Pantene Shampoo and Conditioner - From my local Target. This particular time I picked up the Smooth and Sleek kind, but I usually get whatever is on sale or the one Middle Twerp happens to throw in the cart. I am very pleased with all their kinds. SIDENOTE -- I almost always buy generic any time I can ... cause I am generic and cheap... however...Equate version is not up to par and I do not but it ev-er.

  2. Pantene Hairspray - I like the classic kind cause it gives me some flexibility in my hair and makes it kinda bouncy.

  3. Goody Hair Twisty - I think I found this one on Wal Mart's bathroom floor. I kid. I kid. But Eldest Twerp mighta.

But you have won me over and I actually washed my hair Saturday night [and shaved my legs although I think that info has not bearing on this conversation whatsoever] and forced my Eldest Twerp to snap photos of me so I can post a hair tutorial for Heidi and Hope4Grace and all other 55 of you peeps out there.

I will post it this week, definitely , maybe...Unless I hear a backlash of how vain and sick-o this is. Amen. The level of love I have for you knows no bounds.


Anonymous said...

your so vain i bet you think this blog is about you, don't you - oh, it is.

see i don't even need to use my name and you know who it is. i guess my bad grammer gives it away.

did you know we both have said "I'm going to chew them down." I laughed so hard when I read that on your blog. i'm asking a co-worker - okay fellow inmate - "KJ" is it ever appropriate to say chew you down all while we were looking at pics of my bosses' wife. he said no and he could not believe that a christianish person would say such a phrase. all i can say is you drinking well water and mama letting me sip her beer all must have something in common.

Dana Jones said...

#54 chiming in.. go CG go! We can't wait another day! Better yet, just come over and do my hair for me, pretty-pleeze!

Chris said...

You are such a tease. Here a I was reading the beginning of your post thinking 'Finally!!!' only to see a few minutes later that you only posted what kind of shampoo. Ugh! Don't you know I have a hot date in the morning?? Yep, I have to drop OG off at school. LOL.

wendy said...

I can't wait to see the magic happen!! :)

Heidi said...

See I'm one of MANY who want to see you do your hair. Doesn't that mean something positive??!!

Anonymous?? Is that for real? Do you know them? Is sounds mean??

I used Panetene my who adult like up until a few years ago. It just stopped working as well I thought. I use John Freida's blonde moisturing shampoo and love it.

Have you seen those infomercials for WEN soapless shampoo? Google it. Interesting. Seriously thinking of trying it.

Anywho, have a great day! Can't wait for the hair show:)

Marchelle said...

i mean, how could you even think about posting SP's on your OWN blog?! GOSH!!!

seriously, you should post one everyday. you know you've arrived when you have a haters club. P-Dub has one ya know.

of course, if someone said that to me, it would be one of my smart-alleck family members trying to mess with me, probably mr. clean actually.

so yeah, please show us the step by step on how you do your hair. FYI - i have WAY too oily hair to only wash a couple times a week. i have to wash it 2x a day.

do you like how i posted a blog in your comments?

Dreams of a Country Girl said...


although i should let you hang by the gallows, I will come to your defense STEVE.

I love the fact that my bloggers defend me. See steve...they LOVE me.

This particuar anonymous is STEVE, my OKC man friend who if he was a little cooler could have been my separated at birth twin and is the only one that I know of that can hang with my SNL inside jokes. and he can do most of the personalities too, except i am way better at debbie downer and penelope...admit it.

so, leave this one anonymous to be girls. he is not mean, just goofy. thanks for defending me. this is one of hte many rasons i love you all. however, the other anonymous, feel free to continue to let her have it...i kid. i kid. kinda.

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

ps...thought i would clear up...steve is my husband's bff from the ministry. he and his lovely wife judy are dear friends. although judy is much sweeter.

Tammy H. said...

People that call you sicko for posting pictures = jealous! I can't wait for the hair magic to begin! :)

.Wife.Mom.Friend. said...

2 x's a week???! What? I have to wash every day! Lucky you! Your hair is beautiful! And my day is complete now that I know you shaved your legs! hahahah!!!

lauren said...

k just throwin' it out there, but girl i love your blog!!!! i fell over it a week ago and am now glued like no other.

and you have GORGEOUS hair, i'd love to see how you get VOLUME into it! my hair is as limp as an overcooked noodle in july. or.. something like that.

Hope4Grace said...

Vain? Sicko?

Nope, you are doing a service to your fellow bloggers, we're gonna go with that.....

Can't wait, gotta go find that hair spray....

Becky :) said...

Can't wait to see how it all happens. I would love to not have to wash my hair but 2x a week. Oh how I wish.

Steve said...

okay from now on I post with my name so people can send hate mail to me...CG & IJ are great friends, I know them by name. Rumor has it I broke my back moving a piano for them - twice. I see them in person. So there.

The comments were me teasing her and no they weren't any meaner than your older brother/crazy uncle teasing you.

CG cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. I can handle them. Might bring some traffic on my lame blog.

Anonymous said...

okay i can't confirm or deny my name because a little phrase that refers to my pervert boss but in the future I will post with my name so people can send hate mail to me...CG & IJ are great friends, I know them by name. Rumor has it I broke my back moving a piano for them - twice. I see them in person. So there.

The comments were me teasing her and no they weren't any meaner than your older brother/crazy uncle teasing you.

CG cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. I can handle them. Might bring some traffic on my lame blog.

The chew thing was true. I read your blog after having the discussion with my coworker.

Steve said...

Wow anonymous is sooo rude. Tell us more about your hair. Please! And of course this blog is about you, you write it. Duh. Such a hater!

p.s. i use the equate brand and have told my better half that it is just as good as pantene. Hmm. Could I be wrong.

Anonymous said...

Well, as long as Steve is a friend we all won't go beat him up.

Dreams of a Country Girl said...


row. said...

now I am soooooooooo curious!
only I was reading and reading and for what....wait till another day-ughhh
oh u country gal!!!!!
u are such a tease.

row. said...

psst I am so glad u dont use matrix it's like 15 bucks!!! : O
now pantene I can handle, but still wait till I have coupons to buy it-BUT it does work and you have beautiful hair btw.

Steve said...

Judy is not coming, I will be near your home but you all will be at a conference. So who knows. My sister wont reply to my e-mails so I don't think we are going there for T-day. Might break down and call her. I hate being the big brother... I miss being 135 lbs.