My Twerps have had some type of chip implanted into the depths of their cerebellum that while in public cues random screaming, wailing, gnashing of teeth and acts of behavior like miniature seizing monkeys set afire with the lapping flames of Hell. This I have accepted as throwing candy at them seems to douse the flames. However, judgement is still flame retardant to my evil demise.
While at Target today, [because that is our home away from home. It has started to disturb them that I am napping in the bedding aisle and hosting get togethers in the wine section. I call it networking, they call Security.] we had a little flare up. We had just check out of line in which they ask if I would like to save $3.21 by applying for a Target Red Card. Are they fer-real? As in three dollars and twenty one cents. As in three hundred and twenty one pennies? I am saving that credit app for when I purchase something whose saving lead at least something that is gonna be able to buy momma a new pair of shoes. Can I get a witness?
Anyhoo, after checking out, Middle Twerps starts the flailing limb dance and bow-back cry while Baby Twerp chimes in with his flesh burning screams of death for they have-est not received a toyeth.
At this point and time, as I am wheeling them away from civilization, a young mother approaches me and says,
I am so glad to see other people's children act this way. It makes me feel less like a failure.
Well, ya know, anything to help you out. That is what we are here for. And then I wink at the Twerps like we are putting on this show just for her self esteem and all.
She then touches my forearm and says, It is just beneficial and encouraging to see this kind of behavior from such a seasoned mom
Uhm, blog again? Did she just call me seasoned? Like a home fry?
I am buying some olive oil and lemon rub to combat these untrue lies.