Okay, so I missed a small detail on Friday night for Eldest Twerp's birthday...Details Schmetails. Seriously, who still really celebrates with a cake? I mean I personally think it is SO going out of style...maybe. But I felt guilty so we sat down Sunday night to make her fav cake: Straight from Heaven and Right to Your Thighs.
It is from my Aunt Betty and she made it for me every year as long as I can remember. And now that she does not do it any more (wench) I put her in a full nelson and made her cough the recipe up. Cause I am a big meany pants like that and all.
Anyhoo, we forgot candles (SURPRISED?) so we just lit two matches and placed them in the cake...this symbolized 11...don't go to judgin.
And Baby Twerp so thought it was HIS birthday. "Yeah. Happy Birthday to ME! Yeah ME." he recited.
Eldest Twerp tried to explain it all and even offered to share her cake and gifts...but he was havin none of that nonsense.
So when it was time to blow out the candles...he totally capitalized on the situation...
again...and again...and again.....
We finally just called it a truce so we could show down and let out thighs sing forth in praises. And now...I will share this god fearin cake with you...cause I love you. But I cannot be held reasonable for the increase in love handles. Amen.
Just what I suspected....
And this is the response when I take it away....
And when I eat some right in front of him....someone has to teach him life is not always fair. I am a giver like that and all.
Then...look around and make sure all other items of the cake are safe and sound...cause my house is FILLED with TWERPS!
So hurry up and ice that darn cake....throw some nuts around and let it go straight to your thighs as they sing out in glory...Amen. 
Straight From Heaven and to Your Thighs Carrot Cake
The culprits: sugar, flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, grated carrots, eggs, cream cheese, powdered sugar, butter, vanilla, and pecans.
Mix and sift 2 cups sugar, 2 cups flour,
2 teaspoons soda,
2 teaspoons cinnamon,
and 1 teaspoon salt. I always throw some over my shoulder? Why? I cannot explain the things I do....but I get mad then cause my floor is all grainy.
Then add 4 eggs,
and 1 1/4 cup Wesson oil....Why Wesson? Cause my Aunt Betty said so...any other questions punk? I kid. I kid.
Then you mix all this...or you call in your slave labor. Whichever is more convenient for you.
Next add the grated carrots -- for the love of sweet Jesus you can buy these ALREADY grated....but I can't do it....I think it is because I use to be Jewish. I don't know for sure though. But grate 2 1/2 - 3 cups carrots and add. 
Then eat 2 tablespoons and don;t worry about the potential of salmonella because of the raw eggs...at least you will die happy.
Pour equally in 2- 9 inch GREASED pans and back for 30 to 35 minutes at 350 degrees. But I baked it a 352 cause I am a rebel like that and all. Don't tell Aunt Betty.
Next the icing: 8 oz block of philly cream cheese, 1 box confection;s sugar, 1 stick butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1 cup chopped nuts...or if they make your tongue itch like some wimpy unnamed people, just place them all purty round the cake....
Anyhoo...leave the cream cheese out so it will be all soft and gooey...
Then cut up a stick of butter...
add one teaspoon of villa.....and 1 box confection's sugar....
Then stir it for one millisecond and your hand will cramp so you will call in some big burly strappin man to help you out.
I had this one handy..Shew.
Then once the cool the cakes....
Mix and sift 2 cups sugar, 2 cups flour,
2 teaspoons soda,
2 teaspoons cinnamon,
and 1 teaspoon salt. I always throw some over my shoulder? Why? I cannot explain the things I do....but I get mad then cause my floor is all grainy.
Then add 4 eggs,
and 1 1/4 cup Wesson oil....Why Wesson? Cause my Aunt Betty said so...any other questions punk? I kid. I kid.
Then you mix all this...or you call in your slave labor. Whichever is more convenient for you.
Next add the grated carrots -- for the love of sweet Jesus you can buy these ALREADY grated....but I can't do it....I think it is because I use to be Jewish. I don't know for sure though. But grate 2 1/2 - 3 cups carrots and add. Then eat 2 tablespoons and don;t worry about the potential of salmonella because of the raw eggs...at least you will die happy.
Pour equally in 2- 9 inch GREASED pans and back for 30 to 35 minutes at 350 degrees. But I baked it a 352 cause I am a rebel like that and all. Don't tell Aunt Betty.
Next the icing: 8 oz block of philly cream cheese, 1 box confection;s sugar, 1 stick butter, 1 teaspoon vanilla, and 1 cup chopped nuts...or if they make your tongue itch like some wimpy unnamed people, just place them all purty round the cake....
Anyhoo...leave the cream cheese out so it will be all soft and gooey...
Then cut up a stick of butter... add one teaspoon of villa.....and 1 box confection's sugar....
Then stir it for one millisecond and your hand will cramp so you will call in some big burly strappin man to help you out.
I had this one handy..Shew.
Then once the cool the cakes....Turn one upside down on a plate...and grab that icing...
Uhm, Baby Twerp?
Have you seen my icing????
YOU HAVEN'T??????
Uhm, Baby Twerp?
Have you seen my icing????
YOU HAVEN'T??????
What are you licking?
And this is the response when I take it away....
And when I eat some right in front of him....someone has to teach him life is not always fair. I am a giver like that and all.Then...look around and make sure all other items of the cake are safe and sound...cause my house is FILLED with TWERPS!
So hurry up and ice that darn cake....throw some nuts around and let it go straight to your thighs as they sing out in glory...Amen. Straight From Heaven and to Your Thighs Carrot CakeCake:
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 cups flour
1 1/4 cup Wesson Oil
2 teaspoon soda
3 cups grated carrots (8 to 10 small carrots)
2 teaspoon cinnamon
4 eggs
Mix and sift all dry ingredients, add oil and eggs and hand beat.
Mix and sift all dry ingredients, add oil and eggs and hand beat.
Then add carrots.Bake in 2-9 inch pans for 30 to 35 minutes at 350 degrees.
Icing:
Icing:
1- 8 oz. pkg. Philadelphia cream cheese
1 box (1 LB) confection's sugar
1 stick butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped nuts
Let cream cheese and butter be at room temperature. This will help in mixing.
Spread icing while cake is still a little warm. Enjoy.
Love,
Aunt Betty and Her Thunder Thighs
Let cream cheese and butter be at room temperature. This will help in mixing.
Spread icing while cake is still a little warm. Enjoy.
Love,
Aunt Betty and Her Thunder Thighs
I kid. I kid.
10 comments:
thankyouverymuch! My thighs are bigger just reading the freakin recipe! But it looks so awesome I'm gonna hafta make it. Thanks to you and Aunt Betty!
Ohhhh my! That just looks........
*excuse me, I'm drooling*
350, 352, whatever it takes.
OMGawd.......I think that cake is actually gluten free.....
(fanning myself to revive from the faint)
I can actually EAT that..
Gotta get to the store, as soon as I print your recipe.
I heart with big ole pink flashing glittery sequins me some CG.
OK...so was the big burly strappin man that came to help you out was that a frat boy neighbor that can see in your bathroom window or IJ?
Love the photos.
Good golly woman, you need to get yourself a kitchen aid mixer...i see you with a pink one...no maybe stainless....no definitely pink and then bedazzle it!! ;)
(this isn't really gluten free is it??? Isn't there flour?)
I can make it gluten free though, sorry I totally think in terms of all purpose rice flour!!!!
Hope$Grace...(hope you see this!!) is all purpose rice flour good? I've thought about trying it!! Does it work well in anything??
i need a kitchen aid for this one! straight to the old spare tire this one will be! i missed out on the carrot cake at church the other day so i've been hankering for one...GRACIAS!
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