Friday, November 7, 2008

Scalliwags, Eyeballs and Dead Fish

Although this looks like an innocent pic of the bark on the tree in my front yard, there is so much more to this pic than meets the eye.

If you look at it a little closer you will notice a sign in the yard to the right of the tree. The sign reads HOUSE OF SALE BY OWNER! Placing this sign in my yard might have been the single happiest day of my life.

And you may be wondering why I took the pic like this -- well for all those 40 year old men in their whitey tighties readin my blog, I did not want them to know my phone number. You hear that weirdos? Mmmmm-kay?

So anyhoo, we had our first "showing" yesterday. And Baby Twerp was oh-so-excited to have someone at the house. Someone to chase around with a stick and yell, "Freeze or I will cut you."

We are so proud of these moments. And the people looked a little scared.Now is also a great time to mention Eldest Twerp's reaction to moving...again. Uhm, well wailing and gnashing of teeth would have been the understatement of the year.

Now granted, a good mother would have foreseen the issues and fears that she would be dealing with and would have sat her down and gently explained the reasons for the move while answering her questions and easin her fears. That is what a good mother would have done. Unfortunately, she has me.

So she came home from school to find a FOR SALE BY OWNER sign at her house and she flipped out. A little. Kinda. OK. A lot.

And she is gonna do anything within he power to prevent another life altering event to crumble her world all over again (her words, not mine).

As was proven yesterday when the coulda-been-buyers opened the door to her room....they found this lookin back at them.I about killed her. But not quite. Cause this next event I wanted her alive for - so I could kill her all over again.

Not only had see tried to gross out the coulda-been-buyers in her room by tellin them she found live eyeballs in the closet when she moved in...

She also had her brother waitin behind his door lookin like this. I wanted to kill her dead.

They looked like the home buyers in Beetle Juice at this point and time in the home tour. I tried to ease their fears and took them into the living room. The headed over to the window and the area that looks like this... Then the wife screamed for the ENTIRE WORLD TO HEAR,

"Oh my Gawd, did you know your fish was dead?"
Okay. Let me give all you peeps out there without children a little sidenote of advice, cause I love you and all. Never. Ever. Ev-er. Say anything within a decibel level that could possibly be intercepted by Soviet subs anything that could be remotely interpreted about death in front of children. Ev-er.
Cause then you are gonna have three Twerps wailing around and pickin up a dead fish from the bowl and tryin to give it mouth to mouth. Seriously.

You know, us moms have names for you people who come into our homes under the false pretense of buyin our adobes and scarin the bee jeebies out of our Spawn.

Sacillwags. And I will let it slide this once. But ET is all happy that we are not sellin our house to a bunch of Scalliwags.

Whateva.

23 comments:

Marchelle said...

i'll help you pack, but i don't do dead fish.

TeamG - News said...

Moving again? Gotta know - what state? or same state you're in but different town?

SondreLyn said...

Oh you Poor Thing! I am laughing like crazy at the picture of those beautiful babies out of their minds over the not-so-alive fish! And mouth to mouth! And eyeballs! And horror stories! Wow! Well, good luck on selling your house! No, seriously! :D

Lo said...

oh goodness. well. at least you had a showing!! we're trying to sell our house (uhm. for 8 months now. sigh.) and yeah, it's looking really super bad. good thing i'm young and i've got my health and all. cuz when i'm homeless i'm really gonna need it.

heh. but that is hilarious about the eyeballs!! (the fake twerp ones. not the fish ones. ew.)

my dad was a marine for 29 years. i have a lot of emotional baggage bc i've lived in pretty much every state. take the time to listen to ET bc ... i know how it can break a person to be the new kid over. and over. and over again.

(i think i'm okay now, tho. i think.)

Treasia said...

Moving again? I am assuming you are staying close since you just started the new job. I hope so anyway for ET's sake as well. As you know moving is so hard on kids in school.

Becky :) said...

With all the twerps are doing to scare peeps away you might want to also leave out the Frat guys living next door with goats. I'm thinking people might not be as loving as you have been. :-)

I hope you are able to sell it and that the twerps will all be okay with it. I feel for ET...

Jenn said...

Poor fishy!!

Paige said...

oh dear---that day could not have been much more traumatic could it?

Linda said...

Really CG, I thought you just moved in! All the work in the yard and the fire pit placement and the yard listening.
All kids are different but none of us like change. My sis & bil (Army) have moved a bunch and her kids (7 & 13) are very outgoing and make friends easily.

Annette said...

OMG just like when the brady bunch kids tried to say their house was haunted! (Opps, lets not give them any more ideas) Good luck for next possible buyers! By the way congrats on the new job!

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

settle down my friends..settle down. We are not moving states. We are just moving from one part of the city to the other. Cause my job is an hour and a half commute with traffic. I love you all..


cg

HiHoOhio said...

Just remember, ET could always phone home....I moved Dec 28 2007th from San Antonio to Tulsa and June 19, 2008 from Tulsa to Cincinnati..I feel your pain. Flush the fish, fast!

Sara Coleman said...

I hope you find a buyer quick and everything goes smooth... :) Good Luck!

The eye pictures are awesome! :) What will twerps think of next LOL :)

The Kelso-Winter Family said...

get ET a contract! that girl's got drama AND panache! "a life altering event to crumble her world all over again" i'm gonna come down there as the rep for CPS and take her back here with me where we will never move ever...(just a teensy lie) what a fun opportunity to reinvent oneself. (how's THAT for spin?) p.s. kick scalliwag out ..hasn't she ever heard of an 'inside' voice?

Dana and Daisy said...

just promise ET and MT a pool in the back yard and promise BT a tractor, and all will be fine!

And then get yourself a Pool Boy!

Lo said...

Oh fun! House shopping. Ask Mr. Mine, I'm obsessed with houses. Btw, snake skin boots came in yesterday and not 10 minutes into our date (oh thank you Jesus for friends who are willing to watch your kids once every 2 months) I got 2 compliments on them. Love them. Love you! I'll post pictures soon. Thank you with sweet wishes and warm feelings!

Michelle said...

Thanks for clearing up the moving part.. I was wonder since it seems like you just moved into that house. I hope it sells quickly.. You're little angels look so angelic with their eyeballs hanging out! LOL!

Sorry about the fish. We had a red one several years ago.

Anonymous said...

You should be a writer. You are so descriptive and captivating. I hope all goes well with the sale. You gotta love the inventiveness of ET and coercing her brother. She knows what boys like (at least at this young age).

Steve said...

You're blog always gives me a laugh. You're a great friend. Hope to see you and the hubby soon. And for the record I don't wear tighty whiteys - boxer briefs. And I know your number and your address so I'll keep reading your blog and disreagard your disparaging comments about my age group and our affinity for grippers.

Steve said...

don't forget to promise MT a dolphin.

Steve said...

You are blog? Hmmm. I need some English learnin'

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

country girl accepts all english grammer levels on her blog...she does not judge...she ain't got no sense anyways.

Brandy said...

Hahahaha love it!