Scalliwags, Eyeballs and Dead Fish

Although this looks like an innocent pic of the bark on the tree in my front yard, there is so much more to this pic than meets the eye.

If you look at it a little closer you will notice a sign in the yard to the right of the tree. The sign reads HOUSE OF SALE BY OWNER! Placing this sign in my yard might have been the single happiest day of my life.

And you may be wondering why I took the pic like this -- well for all those 40 year old men in their whitey tighties readin my blog, I did not want them to know my phone number. You hear that weirdos? Mmmmm-kay?

So anyhoo, we had our first "showing" yesterday. And Baby Twerp was oh-so-excited to have someone at the house. Someone to chase around with a stick and yell, "Freeze or I will cut you."

We are so proud of these moments. And the people looked a little scared.Now is also a great time to mention Eldest Twerp's reaction to moving...again. Uhm, well wailing and gnashing of teeth would have been the understatement of the year.

Now granted, a good mother would have foreseen the issues and fears that she would be dealing with and would have sat her down and gently explained the reasons for the move while answering her questions and easin her fears. That is what a good mother would have done. Unfortunately, she has me.

So she came home from school to find a FOR SALE BY OWNER sign at her house and she flipped out. A little. Kinda. OK. A lot.

And she is gonna do anything within he power to prevent another life altering event to crumble her world all over again (her words, not mine).

As was proven yesterday when the coulda-been-buyers opened the door to her room....they found this lookin back at them.I about killed her. But not quite. Cause this next event I wanted her alive for - so I could kill her all over again.

Not only had see tried to gross out the coulda-been-buyers in her room by tellin them she found live eyeballs in the closet when she moved in...

She also had her brother waitin behind his door lookin like this. I wanted to kill her dead.

They looked like the home buyers in Beetle Juice at this point and time in the home tour. I tried to ease their fears and took them into the living room. The headed over to the window and the area that looks like this... Then the wife screamed for the ENTIRE WORLD TO HEAR,

"Oh my Gawd, did you know your fish was dead?"

Okay. Let me give all you peeps out there without children a little sidenote of advice, cause I love you and all. Never. Ever. Ev-er. Say anything within a decibel level that could possibly be intercepted by Soviet subs anything that could be remotely interpreted about death in front of children. Ev-er.

Cause then you are gonna have three Twerps wailing around and pickin up a dead fish from the bowl and tryin to give it mouth to mouth. Seriously.

You know, us moms have names for you people who come into our homes under the false pretense of buyin our adobes and scarin the bee jeebies out of our Spawn.

Sacillwags. And I will let it slide this once. But ET is all happy that we are not sellin our house to a bunch of Scalliwags.

Whateva.