Gloom Despair Agony on Me

I am in my new home...And I am without wireless. And I weepeth. I have now gone through all seven stages of grief - more than once. But there is one stage a have lingered on now. It is the stage of:

"Gloom, dispair, agony on me....Deep, dark depression - excess misery. If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all. Gloom despair and agony on me."

I have basically been roaming around the house in my petty coat and hair curlers with my mud mask on. I cannot function. But alas, IJ let me have access to his air card. And momentarily, I sang out in glorious psalms from the heavens above...but then he let me know I could NOT under any circumstances download any photos...cause of the Air Force's super secure important stuff -- like National Security. Details Schmetails.

I think if we took a vote as to which were more important: A. My Blog B. National Security, I think we all know who would win. Terrorist Schmerrorist.

Anyhoo, I will post LOTS of pics on Monday when I come back from this torture chamber from the dark ages. Until then, here is a preview of what is to come:

1. A new champion REIGNS at the Annual Cranberry Eating Contest. That is all I am sayin bout that. Except some people are sore losers...and it ain't me. But I ain't sayin nothing else. Other than ET so is not the returning champion. But that is all I am sayin bout that.



2. We went shopping for ET today and let me say, we are not related. She HATES to shop. And the mere thought of trying on jeans makes her fall to the floor and curl up in a fetal position and suck her thumb. Weenie. I forced her to buy skinny jeans and Aeropostal tees and the most DARLING Ugg boots. Cause we are now the same size -- so we can totally share those boots. I am a giver like that and all. Amen.



3. My mom and dad are here. It is like the heavens burst forth and dropped angels. Cause now my boxes are unpacked and my toilets are clean.



4. And I got my mom an ipod and when she opened it she had that "Oh Lordy Be I should totally act like I love this but I have no clue what it is." That is when I took it and downloaded KISS and Neil Diamond and AC/DC cause those are her total favs.



5. The boys got Nerf guns for Christmas. They are not strong enough to shoot them. SO IJ and I did not want them to go to waste and all therefore, we confisgated them and have been playing Nerf Wars for the past 24 hours. And although he would NEVER admit it.... I am TOTALLY the champion.



6. I pulled a muscle in my neck. And let me just say that childbirth was a cake walk compared to this. It is SO bad that I let a little Asian man give me a massage at the mall. AT THE MALL. And I could care less that his little Asian hands were all over my body in front of everyone....at the mall and everyone was looking. If he would have gone 10 minutes longer I would have offered to marry him and have his babies. Probably.



7. I got a new apron. And I totally look like a 1954 mom named Lois. And I wear my heels with it. And it poof some flour on my face and say with a smile, "Oh, lands to ocean this cookin is wearin me out. But anything that will make my man happy." Then I serve Chili's take -out, wearing my apron. It is aqua and pink and such a QT!



8. My Mamaw truned 94 today.



9. My new neighbors have visited.....AND THEY HAVE A BOAT. I am so God's favorite child.



10. And my new neighbors brought over cookies and candy and almond barked pretzels.



11. I gave them a box of wine.



12. Cause I am super classy like that.



13. I thought it said, "Classy, but a boat girl too." As in "Take me with you to the lake PUH LEEZ."



14. And there are 3 girls who are eleven that live next door/accross the street. And ET is in heaven.



15. And I will leave you with a quote from MT.



16. "This is the best house ever. It is the awesomest. Please don't ever move me. Thanks for giving me the best Chistmas ever."



17. Amen MT. Amen.



18. I LOVE YOU ALL!