Sunday, December 13, 2009

Gingerbread Houses Are the Spawn of Satan

I big pink fuzzy heart with glitter LOVE sleep. And it becomes almost LUSTFUL when I think about a cold winter's day as I snuggle under my quilt and sleep in on a weekend mornings.

For these reason and for these reasons alone I had to cry out at dark o'thirty this morning to the sweet baby Jesus layin in his crib as my three spawn came in to awaken me at half past before the rooster crows AM. On a Sunday. Morning. When I could have been sleepin in. In my nice cozy warm bed. But I am not bitter. Nope. Not at all. Cause they were in the Christmas Spirit. And wanted to make Gingerbread Houses. Sweet, right? Oh how so wrong you are. So very very wrong. Please don't judge me as I am in my pajamas and bed head. And I didn't even brush my teeth.
Thus this look from MT as he says, "Is that the smell of a dead horse that has crawled in our house and begun to rot, or is it just your morning breath?" He never has been my favorite child.
Now I know what you are thinking -- How sweet for the family to be in the Holiday spirit and create lovely Gingerbread houses to celebrate the festivities and make family memories.
Apparently you have never put Gingerbread houses together. Or slid down a banister of razor blades into a pool of glitter. Cause they are both the same. TORTUROUS! Torturous I tell you.
This is 7 am. An HOUR after we began the Gingerbread House Expedition. Can you see the empty red wine glass behind MT? Uhm yeah, that is NOT from the night before. That is all I am sayin. It is all that could help me get through this medieval torture chamber. It was like the Rubric's Cube all over again.
This icing is SUPPOSE to glue the sides of the cookies together. Uhm yeah -- them and Lee Press On Nails. The same concept. The same disappointment.
After the wine, I went straight for the icing. Please don't judge me. It's blurry from the wine and all.
After all hope had been melted away and the sun began to rise, we decided to read the directions. They were in Mandarin Chinese. I kid you not.Well Lord Have Mercy! Just throw some gumdrops and sprinkles on that baby.
Oh Yes, sweetie. It looks JUST like the box. Really.

Then they said the most atrocious thing that made me almost convert to Judaism and celebrate something with candles and NOT Gingerbread houses.
They SAID WE WANT TO EAT THEM!
Uhm WHAT?!?!? It took us 4 hours to make these pathetic houses and you want to eat them???
NO WAY! We are saving these babies FOREVER. They will become the new heirloom. We will pass them on for generations. Along with my grandmothers ring.
STOOOOPPPP!
NOOOO!
Excuse me while I curl up in a ball and suck my thumb.
With an IV of wine.
Hiccup.

8 comments:

Angelena said...

So cute- but I remember those early mornings trying to make deals with God-"if you will please let them sleep past 6 am I will do anything" But then one day they turn into gangly long legged Adam apple bobbing teenagers that you get to go in and wake up .. and hear them complain about getting up - before 10AM!! .. Ah Karma baby - sometimes it is a good thing...

Cynthia said...

Okay- that's funny! I don't think the gingerbread houses are all that tough but I'm sure it's because I don't attempt them with kids! Sadly, I only let the kids apply the candy.

We did a gingerbread house of the house from the movie "Up" complete with a 1,200 jelly bean balloon mass. We donated it to a charity event (would never have done that much work just for us).

Dana and Daisy said...

that is so funny, and not at all like I would have thought it would go. I figured you'd be like a gingerbread champion or something! I've never made one, don't really have any desire to make one now either! ha ha!

Anonymous said...

Just passing through and saw your post. it made me laugh,
awww, so sweet and so funny. funny that you wanted to make the gingerbread houses a family heirloom and the kids wanted to eat them. I don't blame you!

funny about the wine on early Sunday morning too. hopefully you got to take a nice nap.

Yvette (Lo's Mom) said...

LOL! I was following the updates on Facebook, too funny!

I have made similar packs with the powers to be for more sleep, never happened. The ironic thing is that once you have an empty house you can't sleep late! The horror!

Oh, and Lor and I did the gingerbread house thing ONE year....yeah emphasis on the one year there.

The Urban Cowboy said...

By the time you all finished...I was still sleeping!

I'm Just Being Me... said...

Fun!!! I made gingerbread people with my aunt's kids last night & after all the hard work they were gone in two seconds flat with not a crumb left!!!

Scrappy Girl said...

We have never made gingerbread houses, but I consider buying one everytime I am in Walmart...I will read this post before I go every time until the holiday passes...lol. Wow that was early.