Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned

36 Bottles of water $15

6 Cups of black coffee $5

8 Salads with fat free dressing $47.25

Weight Lost - 4.6 pounds -- as of YESTERDAY ... before Satan tempted me...

Having to buy a new dress because I have no self control and consumed an entire box of Samoa Girl Scout Cookies in less than three minutes?

Priceless.

Burp.

ET: An Adoption Story

There are some stories that are just too beautiful to tell. The very words to express the joy, devastation, fear, and peace do not exist. I need you to know that. I need you to know this is an injustice. I need you to know that no matter what I write, she is a million times more special and precious than I can ever communicate.

I had just turned 22 years old and two months into my first teaching job. I loved every moment of it. The kids -- oh the kids. They were mine. I attended their football games, their ballet recitals, their softball tournaments, and their birthday parties. I worried about them, prayed for them, loved them. Some more than others -- but I loved them all.

Then there was Calvin. Calvin was almost 14. And in the sixth grade. Calvin was taller than me. And he was mad. Mad at me. Mad at the school. Mad at his parents. Mad at his circumstances. Mad at the world. Calvin was in his sixth foster home. Sixth. And he hated it. He was in fight after fight at school. And time and time again I pleaded to the principal NOT to suspend him. I would watch him 24/7. I took him home from football practice. I drove him to his away games. I brought him and his brother to church. Just don't make him spend another minute in that house. Cause I had a pretty good idea of what was occurring in his foster home -- and it wasn't good.

After a few more incidents and some phone calls to his foster dad -- I picked up the phone to call Calvin's social worker. She was there that afternoon to interview me. Six weeks later Calvin and his entire family moved in with my best friends from church. The rest of the story is too painful to tell in this post. But I failed Calvin. He is now in a detention center.

In the initial interview with Calvin's social worker I mentioned that Indiana Jones and I would be interested in pursuing foster placement for a pre-teen boy, and would love for her to send us the paper work to get started.

We had not thought about kids yet. I wanted them. We both did. But not yet.

Three hours later the phone rang, "This is Miriam, Calvin's social worker. We spoke earlier? I know you were looking for a preteen boy, but we have a one-year-old girl who needs immediate placement. would you be interested?"

"Let me talk to my husband. I will call you back tonight."

I remember walking into our bedroom to find IJ still in his military uniform. I sat down on the bed and began to tell him the story. I left it with, "Maybe we should meet her first to see."

He responded, "See what? If she's pretty? If she's good? If she fits a mold? No. Decide now. Either you will love this baby no matter what or you won't. We don't need to see her."

And with that I picked up the phone.

We went through the fast track of classes, home inspections, referrals, and putting those electrical plugs in the outlets. That is all I knew to do.

Then we met her. At the zoo. With her uncle. And. she. was. perfect. PERFECT.

Eldest Twerps was born to a teenage mom. A precious, beautiful, wonderful teenage mom. Who loved her. But just didn't know how to take care of babies yet.

So, ET had been raised by her grandmother until three months before when her grandma died of cancer. Since then she had a short stay in some shelters until her uncle came and got her. He was young. And not ready to handle a one-year-old girl. He knew she needed more.

Twelve days later, I met him in the parking lot on the Air Force Base and took her home.

IJ was in Japan...so my friend Feather stayed with me. I had no clue what I was doing.

When it was time for bed, I announced "BED TIME!" She grabbed her blanket and curled up on the couch. She had never had a bed of her own before. As I carried her to bed, I laid down beside her and began to sing.... "You are my sunshine...my only sunshine. You make me happy..."

She placed her tiny finger to my lips and said, "Hush Momma. Hush."

And with that I knew. It was the happiest moment I had ever experienced. And I knew. She was mine. And I was hers.

Our world revolved around ET. She was embraced in our family. The first grand baby. The first niece. The first love.

As the months went on, we worked on things -- her anger, fear, outbursts, temper -- but she was always loved.

We had MANY court dates and just wanted to finalize the process.

Then, the call came. The mother's rights were not terminated properly. She would have to be re-notified. And when she was, she decided she wanted ET back. It had been one year. There was nothing we could do.

The mother had to pass a few tests, and then ET would transition back to her biological mother. I was devastated. I wanted to dye her hair black and run to Mexico. I wanted to hide. I wanted to run. I wanted to cry.

Instead, we began the process and prayed. I met ET's mom for the first time at a restaurant. And I liked her. Actually, I loved her. She was me. But without the same chances is life. I was her, but with different choices. And above all else, we were the same because we loved ET. More than anything.

Months went on, she completed all terms. She was clean. She was ready to have her daughter back. It had been a year and six months since ET had come to live with us. She was my child.

Then, the court hearing came. The day we would determine when ET would go back to her mom. I remember nothing. I don't remember sleeping, eating, driving, nothing. IJ was out of town so my friend, Rachel went with me.

We walked up to the bench. And the judge began to talk. He was vested in our case. He was visibly upset.

He looked at ET's mom and asked what she wanted to say. She came to stand beside me and said,

"I want to sign all my rights over to CG and her family. That is the best place for ET. I want no contact. All I ask for is a picture."

At that moment, I have never felt so much grace and mercy as I did from her. I have never seen such a selfless and giving act. I have never met a mother who loved her child more than to do what was right - but what was so hard. She was the epitome of a giver.

I broke down. She broke down. And we embraced. How do you thank someone for bringing forth such a precious life and then GIVING it away to you?

She signed the papers and handed me a letter she had written to ET. She asked me to give it to her when I felt she was ready. I still have it.

I went home that week and started looking for pictures to send. I found the perfect one. You know, the one you make copies of for everyone in the family? The one that captures the essence of her spirit? That was the one.

I looked at IJ and he said, "Send her that one!"

"I would, but it is my only one!"

And what he said next has impacted me forever, "She is giving you her only one."

I put the pic in the mail the next day. We signed the official paperwork three months later.

And from this, I have met two of the most loving, caring, selfless woman alive.

I aspire to be like ET and her mom. I am blessed.

Autographs After the Show

Lordy Be - This is as close to famous as I will ever be. I should have worn cuter shoes. Amen.

http://www.elvis.com/graceland/blogs/

You Don't Bring Me Flowers, Anymore

Good Morning! If you are eating breakfast -- do not look at the next pictures. Close this silly blog immediately. Now, I tell you. Pronto. If you are in the first trimester of your pregnancy (ooohhhh, lucky you) and brushing your teeth makes you gag uncontrollably, CLOSE THIS NOW. Trust me. I got your back. You will be tossin your cookies all over the place. And let's face it, who wants to lose them hard earned calories? If you are a person who can handle blood and guts and take pictures of gory things and break your neck gawking at wrecks....then carry on amongst yourselves.

Cause this is Middle Twerp and yesterday on the playground as he was trying to pick his momma a flower, Brandon pushed him out of the wagon and he hit his head on the handle. I know, I know. But he is a boy. And a very active boy - and I kinda expect more of this in our future. But the sweetest part of it all. Though the drama, the cleaning, the bandage, the changing of clothes, the cryin, the wailing, the gnashing of teeth.....

He held on to that flower for his momma.....

My fallopian tubes are cryin out here people.

PS ~ I promise I am working on the adoption story -- it is emotionally draining. Do you think that will help me lose weight?

You Had Some Fancy Questions; I Got Me Some of Them There Answers

Well Lordy Be -- you all are the cutest. I think I answered all of them -- even the emails are embedded in here somewhere. If I left you off holler and I will answer. The only thing I didn't tell you all about was ET's adoption story. Now don't go to frettin and getting your mascara clumping. I will tell you it all (and carefully Dad) tomorrow. It deserves its own post.

So I warn you...this is about as interesting as watching golf on Sunday afternoons. SO trust me -- go clean out your fridge. Wipe the lint trap out, clean out your garage or scrap the hairs off the back of the toilet. All of that would be expediently more interesting than this. Trust me, you were warned.

Jessica said...
OK, you promised...I'm trusting you'll follow through now matter what. I'd like to know the steps you take from having wet hair, until it's complete. Maybe you could do a tutorial video or something like that. I love your hair and even when mine was a that length, it didn't ever turn out that good. Please CG, do tell.

Oh you are too cute. I did an entire post on how I fix my hair -- I know. I am a geek. But I use Pantene shampoo and conditioner and a 1.5 inch curling iron -- Hot Tools.

Here is the hair tutorial -- please don't laugh.

AD said...
Oh I've got a ton :) What size curling iron do you use to make your hair look like that? And what products :)Where in Southern, IN were you from? I'm from the east side of the state and roommates are from Princeton and Evansville so I was curious :)What do you do in education? You're always getting to go to conferences so I'm guessing you're not a teacher :)And sure, while you're at it lets hear the story of ET's adoption :)

See above for hair details.

I grew up in a small farming community in Southern Indiana. We were across the river from Louisville, Kentucky. About 30 minutes west of Louisville (which is pronounced Luh-vul). I was born in Luh vul and very rarely crossed the river until I was in college. Anthony's By the Bridge was one of my favorite places. I wonder if it is still there.

The Kelso-Winter Family said...
you gave up doctor pepper because you can't drink wine and dr. pepper at the same meal and you can't give up wine. right?
You are wise beyond your years, Jane. Wise beyond your years. And I love you!

Chris said...
All of the above? Mostly I wanna know why you gave up dr. pepper.
and...
Sally Pepper said...
Did you stop putting cream in you coffee bc it's fattening? Also the Dr. Pepper for the same reason? I am hopelessly addicted to coffee in my cream and to Pepsi, since we're baring our souls
and
Meemaw said...
ok....WHY oh WHY would ANYONE want to give up DP?????? if it's because you don't want the calories then switch to diet DP. It's good. Even the Arby's near us have diet DP. I'm really feelin' let down.....I drink water most of the time but you gotta have a DP when you go for fast food.....just not AMERICAN! lol

Ok. Let's all take a moment and remember we will not judge. We will not judge. We will not judge. Okay? You are lovers, not fighters.

I am cutting my calories. I do not think I am fat. I am not anorexic or bulimic or balsamic. I am desperate. I have a dress I need to fit into. And by "need" I mean NEED. I am not spending a kabillion dollars on a formal floor length gown when I have one in my closet...it just won't zip -- and I REFUSE to diet. So I am giving up little things. And then I will come back to them again. In a few weeks.

Dana and Daisy said...
I have so many. But I would like to know, what is your plan for getting your twerps through the teen years and keep all those pretty smiles on every one's faces?

What?? I am suppose to have a plan? I have no plan. that is my plan. I believe in flying by the seat of your pants. going with the flow. Loving and crying and making mistakes -- but more than anything savoring every minute of it. Cause when it is gone, you will never get that moment back. And oh how i hated diapers -- and now? Oh how I miss diapers.

And did you and your mom have the kind of close relationship that you have with ET?
Yes. Yes we did and yes we do. I remember coming in from dates and waking my mom up to see if she wanted to talk. My favorite person to shop with ? My mom. The first person I call when something amazing happens? My mom. The first person I call when something devastating happens? My mom. The best cook in the world? My mom. The best example of a servant's heart? My mom.

I know I am getting personal. If you do not want to answer, then tell us, how many articles of clothing hang in your closet? See that slate blue evening gown hanging there on the left -- that is why I gave up Dr P and cream. Amen.

This is my closet. IJ has his own. We are now able to live in peace. I do not hang up my cloths all the time - thus the stuff on the floor.

I also don't take the paper off my new suits and then I am all surprised when I find them....

Tana said...
i want to know if you found a church that you love going to?

We found one we went to several times, but nothing connected me. So, we are still looking. It is a really hard subject for me. Kinda like when you KNOW you need to be doing something but it is so uncomfortable for you that you do not want to even talk about it, can you relate? No? I was only kidding.

Tracie said...
I'm curious how your new job is going? What you expected, more than you expected? And how you juggle your job, IJ's job & 3 twerps? I'd also love to hear about ET's adoption and your twist on breast feeding - since you brought it up! :)
and....
Lo said...
how's the new job? anyone there you don't like? i don't like my job bc of one person and she makes it miserable here. it kinda sorta sucks the big toe. ET's adoption??? duh i've been askin this FOREVAH.also? the truth to breast feeding, uh, i thought you just... let it flow? is that too graphic? eep.

My job? I really love my job and I am growing into it daily. I honestly can't believe I got it and was not really qualified for it, but I am dedicated to making a difference and letting no one down - so I will work as hard as I need to in order to do it right. Because it deserves it.

I work for a non-profit education company that works to bring equity and access to high school students and college access and success. Basically I get high risk kids ready for and entered into college.

The part I play is in getting grant funding to schools. Usually high risk, majority minority schools. In other words - poor, black or Hispanic schools. I beg and cry for money. Because they need it and because there are savage inequalities. Savage. Right now I have been consumed with the Stimulus Bill and its implications on K12 and College Education.

I also steal post it notes and store them up in my bottom right desk drawer -- in case hard times hit. And those clips for large amounts of paper. I have a secret love affair with those clips.

There is no one I don't like. There are people that challenge my thinking -- and that is good. There are people that handle things differently than I would -- and they sharpen me.

Honestly, i am excited to go in every day. And I feel like I am valued and make a difference.

How do I juggle it? Oh Lordy Be. I don't know if I do it well. I take the kids to school in the morning. I pick them up. Indiana Jones is out of town 2 to 3 weeks a month. We try to work out schedules out so one of us is always home. On the occasion that we are both out of town the same night; we have hired a night time nanny -- Lorie. And I love her. Love, love, love her. She use to work at the boy's school and now does medical transcription from her home. She has an 8-year-old boy and is perfect.

Breastfeeding -- I can't believe I am going here. When I got pregnant there was never a doubt that I would breastfeed. Period. I read all the books attended all the classes -- saw more boobs than anyone should in their lifetime. I was ready. Then I had Middle Twerp. And he was 4 weeks early. And he did not know how to suck. I know. I know. WHAT? But we had to feed him through a tube and teach him to suck on our finger...and my milk never came in. Then, I started breastfeeding -- and let me just say -- there was nothing natural about it. At least not for me. I had no clue what I was doing. And I am a perfectionist and i felt like a loser. Then, it started to hurt. And when I say hurt, I don't mean like a hand nail or a sprained ankle or a pencil in your eye or an arm being chopped off. I mean like a vice laced in acid being clamped to your nipple. And then I bled and then I got mastitis -- or something like that. Then I ran a fever -- then I think I died. Seriously. Cause I do not remember the next 3 weeks. I just know I woke up and found formula on the counter - and it was like the light from heaven shown down on me and the angels burst forth in unison. Although I will say, for 4 weeks I walked around the house topless while I attempted breast feeding. And we had no curtains. The old men in the neighborhood were totally voting for me to continue breastfeeding. Amen.

Now that is just my experience. I know MANY woman who it was like chewing gum. And I secret hate them -- I mean admire them. And I will say this. If I ever get pregnant again. I will make it work. Amen. Probably.

Jaime Mac said...
I want scoop on what the hell your job really is, ET's adoption & if you want more twerps!
See above for job. I want more twerps -- at least one. Have not decided yet if I will birth another spawn or look at adoption again.

Debilou said...
guess i'm behind on something,, ET's adopted?? Well you gotta tell us now, you've peaked our curiosity.. about all the other things too!
I am going to tell the entire adoption story tomorrow in a post. It deserves its own post.

Karen said...
Are you giving up Dr. Pepper lip gloss too?No. Let's not go getting all crazy girlfriend! A girl has to be able to live.

Ask CG: You Got Questions? I Got Answers. Probably

Oh yes my dear friends. I know, I know - what more could there possibly be out there that you don't already know. Well, did you know for example that I GAVE UP DR PEPPER? And cream in my coffee? Yes, I am going through the shakes and offering kids $20 bucks on the street for a sip, but I have been clean for 4 days. Hello, my name is CG and I am a Dr Pepper and half and half addict. Please don't judge me.

Maybe you wanna know why I gave it up. Is it Lent? Am I diabetic? Lactose intolerant? Looking for attention? Looking for love in all the wrong places? Ask me, I'll tell you.

Maybe you wanna know what's in my bottom dresser drawer, or my third dresser drawer, or my shoe closet, or underneath my sink. Just ask me I'll tell you.

Maybe you wanna know more about my job. Who would hire me, what is in my desk drawers, what the supply room looks like, what is my favorite office supply or how many steps is it between my desk and the bathroom. Oh come on. Ask me, I'll tell you.

Maybe you are wondering if I want another baby or the story of ET's adoption or how many stitches I had with MT or the TRUTH about breast feeding. Just ask me, you know I will give you the honest scoop.

You got questions? I got answers. I am an open book. Or is it I am a rock? Or I am a island? Or lend me your ear? It doesn't matter.

But if you got questions my dear friends, Ask me - I'll tell ya. Email me at
dreamscountrygirl@gmail.com

or comment me.

I love you all,
CG

Sunday Morning Tradition: Me, BT, and Whole Foods

On Sunday mornings me and Baby Twerp have a tradition: we go to Whole Foods. And BT gets his own cart and gets to fill it with his items of choice. There really aren't any "bad choices" there so I let him go hog wild.

And we have only ran into one problem, "BT, are you eating the food? BT? Beeee Teeee? That would be stealing?"

"What is in your mouth?"

GULP

We are totally goin to the pokey.

The Party Continues

So I know what you are thinking, that we must be all partied out this weekend. But you would be wrong.We had one more party in us... A Magician Party.Cause a certain someone's teacher is just too precious and special.And who can enough parties?

Especially when you see this....

I love me some magic.

I Like Ruts. As a Matter of Fact, I Wanna Marry Them and Have Their Babies.

Indiana Jones says we are in a rut. That we have a routine that has become too comfortable and we need to break out and try new things. Routine Schmooteen. I refuse to judge routine. I like routine. I love ruts. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it.You see, for the past 5 weekends we have had date nights. And some part of the date night evening had involved the same restaurant with the same food. And I say, if it ain't broke why fix it? I mean let's all just go ahead and say HELLO LOVER to this ahi tuna. Just look how it seduces you with its sultry eyes. How it flirts with its little peppercorns and wasabi. Little man hussy.And then as if that is not enough, I have this FAB OH LUSS steak medium rare with them mashed sweet potatoes and cinnamon butter. Just let me die now. Take me home. I'm comin to be with you Elizabeth. But the best part of the evening is when when I order another glass of wine and IJ hurries and pays. He is a little jealous of my love affair with the second glass of wine. He's okay with my affair with the tuna and the steak and even my bout of flirtation with the cinnamon butter. But the second glass of wine? He can't handle the second glass of wine.

Hiccup.

The Spiderman Party

Middle Twerp finally had his Spiderman party today. And let me tell you, those little five-year-olds pumped up on cake and sugar are quite the little balls of energy. And even BEFORE the party begins there is another little ball of energy... that decided to have a little pre-party snack. Like right in the middle of the cake...

We had to add a few extra spiderman figurines to cover the evidence. Lordy Be. Self control is not one of our skillz. And let me just tell you how proud I was of my Spider Hot Dogs....
Until all the kids called them octopuses. What to the ever. Ungrateful little punks.

But at the end of the day. MT relished in his attention.

We are SOOO not alike in this, cause I am shy and demur and just now starting to come out of my shell.

But not Middle Twerp, he is all about the attention. And the food. We are alike in that aspect. But after the pinata, We went outside for a little web slingin activities...

And I was an INNOCENT bystander.
Until I got ATTACKED. By the camera man....

And then this little punk dared to mess with the BOSS...
Oh it was on like Donkey Kong.And I was getting the best of those little five-year-old punks...
I was takin em down...
Until I realized in a moderate panic that...
This stuff? This evil sticky stuff...Was NOT comin out of my hair. Ok...Ok.. I give.. UNCLE UNCLE!

But at the end of the day, MT had his spiderman party in his new house with his new friends....And had a blast. Until next year, MT.

Molly Pitcher

This week I have been at a conference downtown. I stayed at the hotel due to the fact I had to be there in the mornings at 6:45 am and I was partyin down with my bad self until wee hours of the morning. Like crazy late hours that I have not seen since my wild and crazy days -- like 8:30 pm. That's how hip and cool I am. Try not to feel the jealousy. But last night was our culminating evening and I was preparing for the banquet by adding extra lip gloss, when my phone rang. It was 6:00 pm. It was Eldest Twerp. It was not good. Her voice was a little shaky.

"Mom? I kinda forgot to tell you, but I need a pioneer girl outfit tomorrow for my Famous American project. I know I shoulda told you earlier, but I have been busy and all."

Busy? With what???? She is 11! I was not letting her irresponsibility lead me into panic. She forgot, she would have to pay the price. This was one of life's lesson that would just have to be felt. There was nothing I could do. So, I responded like this, "Wow ET. That is so sad. I wish you would have told me earlier and we could have went shopping together for it, but now I am at this conference and I can't help you. Hope you figure something out. I love you." And I hung up.

And I went down to my banquet and I sat down next to a client and started listening to them talk. And all I could think about was ET sayin, "It's okay mom. I understand."

So I excused myself and walked right out the door and to the car and to the Goodwill. And I was feelin all good about myself as I pulled into the parking lot of the thrift store. Which was closed. Gulp.

Plan B - Target. Cause you know Pioneer Girl cloths are all the rage now days and I am most certain they would have the latest prairie skirt and bonnet. And you can imagine my shock and dismay when they. had. nothing. So, I had to get a little creative...

And let me introduce you to Molly Pitcher. (I know, right? Who in God's green earth is Molly Pitcher?) But I have yet to tell you about the best part of this whole story....these shoes? THESE SHOES?

They only had them in my size. So Molly will have to donate them to me after today. And after the conference is done. It's a small price to pay for the hour and a half drive I had this morning back to the conference.

Amen. Please don't judge me.