Friday, March 26, 2010

Mouth Guards, Meditation, and Mammaw

As we are all painfully aware, I narrowly avoided being the coach and mentor to 10 little four to six year olds. Which is a good thing. Cause they expected me to talk about football. I had to put all the pom pom, glitter and glue sticks away. There were havin no part of that. Obviously, they do not value the important things in life -- like craft day.
Anyhoo -- since the stork got confused and dropped of male spawn into my humble adobe, I thought I mise well get use to it and learn a little about the pig skin. (Please not my intense PROPER use of football and sports gamey vocabulary throughout this post. Men, take note. You might learn something. What? Hello? I have no male readers? Details Schmetails.)

Also please realize in all these pictures, I am the mother on the side lines (vocab 1) with a Nikon camera, spikey black boots, Dr Pepper lip gloss, and a cashmere sweater shoutin

"GO SWEETIE GO! Put em in a highchair, sock em in the jaw. Flush em down the toilet Rah Rah Rah!" My 95 year old Mammaw taught me that cheer from the days she was a cheerleader in Mauckport, Indiana. It's tradition and all now.

So let me explain this game to you -- First, this one boy with his hands between his legs snaps (vocab 2) the ball to my Spawn. Apparently, my spawn is the Quarter Back (vocab 3) on the play. What I like is the way his curls bounce -- he is so J Crew. Next my Spawn realizes he has no clue what he is doing (he gets this from his mother) so he hands the ball to his friend who is yellin SOMEBODY GIVE ME THE BALL. He is such an obedient child.
And this one? This one is socializing. Making some friends and influencing people. Now I COULD HAVE coached if I would have known this was involved!
20 minutes later -- yeah, same thing. "Great weather we are havin, huh? I love what you did with your jersey!"
Ever so often he comes over to the sidelines to give his momma a kiss. I make him take his spit-infested germ-spreading mouth guard out. It is a nice shade of blue tho.
Five minutes later he is back for another kiss. "Take your mouth guard out, sweetie" Uhm- WAIT. I thought it was blue. WHO'S MOUTH GUARD DO YOU HAVE?" Apparently they share. HELP ME BABY JESUS. SAVE ME ORTHOPEDIC SURGEONS FROM AROUND THIS LAND!
Meanwhile, back on the field....My son CATCHES a BALL and RUNS!
TOUCHDOWN!!!! Did you see that BT? BT? BAAABY TWERP, Where are you? Uhm, I think mediation is more his thang. I go to hug MT and give him a high five then hit him on the butt -- cause that is what all the cool kids do on TV - then I notice something...
"Hey, is that your brother's mouth guard?"
That ruined it all.

4 comments:

Dana and Daisy said...

ah! So cute. I think Baby Twerp will grow up to be either a preacher or a politician. Middle twerp will obviously be a lady-killer. ah heck, they both will!

Goodwife said...

You are such a funny funny funny Mama CG!

Oklahoma Granny said...

This kind of play-by-play is one I really like. You are too funny girl!

I'm Just Being Me... said...

Love that - it was awesome!