Thursday, May 20, 2010

I Am Cameron

It appears my life desires drama. As my momma says. "If it ain't one thing, it's 15 others." I live in the 15 others category of life.
But BT woke up looking like the elephant man -- and I screamed and passed out like any good Southern Woman would do but then I picked myself up and declared,

"We are going to live through this, and when it's all over, we'll never be bumpy again - no, nor any of our folks! If we have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill, as God as our witness, we'll never be bumpy again."

Then they just stare at me like I am the strangest thang they have ever seen in their lives and I just smile knowing one day they will appreciate me. As God as my witness.Anyhoo -- I took him to the doctor and we were taken back immediately. I think it was in reply to the outcries from the other parents who would not let their children NEAR my spawn. I think it was because his belt did not match his shoes. I understood.

But the doctor came in , looked him over, and went right back out -- and brought in another doctor who looked him over and went right back out -- and brought in another doctor who looked him over and sighed.

They then took out a dry erase marker.

At this point I thought they were just going to color the bumps away. I sat silently as no expalination was needed. I understood. I embrace avoidance too. If you can't see it, it must not exsist. It's my motto. Right next to I'm a lover not a fighter. And I love you more than my luggage. Amen. Sorry, I digress.

Instead they wrote six words I could not pronounce on a white board.

And I soon realized I was in an episode of House. I declared right then and there I wanted to be Cameron.

And they brought in books and a laptop and laser pens. And that allowed them to narrow it down to two possibilities of disease infestations. But circle one.
It was the one I would have circled from the beginning. Just sayin.

Papular Dermatitis.

Also known as "Itchy Red Bump Disease"


I'm not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed, but I was all over that one.

Apparently, he has a viral disease of some sort in which we may never know what it is and it caused this rash.

At this point Baby Twerp declared, "I don't like viral disease. He not my friend."

I agree. We are taking back the "st. ends." half of our Best Friends necklace from Viral Disease.

He is hateful.

So now we have Itchy Red Bump Disease.

Seriously, what will they think of next?

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