Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Interview With An IJ

Indiana Jones is away. On military assignment. Protecting America and keeping the communist out of your backyard. He's a giver like that and all.

He has 16hour days, so when he can call it is for a short amount of time and he is so tired it is hard to even focus.

But tonight -- tonight my dear sweet precious friends I transcribed our conversation. Cause dag gone it, I am all about transparency and honesty. And he doesn't read this silly old blog -- I am fairly certain they have it blocked on the base too -- cause I could be a threat to security and all. Anyhoo -- a look behind the scenes. IJ: Uncut, Uncensored, and Raw. I like my men like I like my steaks.

Hey Sweet Honey Bunches of O's. What are you up to?
Just came back to my room and watching The Office. Some of these people remind me of you.

Do you miss me?
Oh yeah.

What do you miss most about me?
Just the normal day to day stuff. Just sitting around talking. Half heartedly listening to you talk too fast.

If you had to give an analogy for how much you miss me, what would it be?
Analogies really aren't my strength -- but for you, I'll try -- I miss you like BT misses cookies. And we all know he is a chubby kid.

Guess what?

I wanted you to guess...
You bought a lama.

Okay, that was no fun-- I got 5th row seats behind first base with VIP dinner and club access to the MLB game Saturday night.
Wow, who are you you takin?

Uhm, I got 4 tixs so I am taking your spawn.
My kids?

Well, I mean we haven't done a paternity test of anything, but I am fairly certain...yeah.
Well, aren't you mom of the year?

Actually I lost that earlier this year when I let BT go to Pre K without underwear on - but no need to bring up the past. I like to think of myself as Woman Extraordinary of the Century -- with killer shoes
I can go for that

Yeah? What else can you go for?
More than you are willing to give

GASP! What?!? My Dr Pepper lip gloss? Oh wait. GASP GASP GASP! My three inch heels?!?!

Oh I ordered this new European Body Butter that makes my skin look like a 23 year old.
How much did that cost?

Uhm, a lot. But I don't think you can put a price on 10 years younger.
How much younger would the Equate stuff from Wal Mart make you look?

Only 2 years.
I like 2 years younger. A lot. It's more my zone.

Well, trust me -- this is worth it. You will not recognize me. You will think I am my daughter.
That's weird.

I think you're just jealous.
I think you should just use Equate.

If I were an animal what would I be?
A gazelle.

Cause they are innocent and clumsy.

You think I'm clumsy?
I wouldn't call you athletic.

It's cause I don't like to sweat. I'm more of a glistener.
You should change that feature about you.

What else should I change about me?
That you would use Equate

I love you. Hard to believe a 23 year old loves you, huh?
Yeah, especially since I am broke from spending money on body butter.

I love you poor man
I love you too crazy woman.

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