It's Fun To Stay At the YMCA

Country Girl has gone and done something wild and crazy. Something so out of character that you will gasp and judge me...and it will make me cry. But we will get to that in a minute. For now, let's talk about my day, shall we?

So I often daydream and take myself away to beautiful adventures. When life is not what I want it to be, I make my own up. Like I pretend I am in my mansion with Harold my Butler and my Cabana Boy, Jose. And they are feeding me grapes and fanning me with palm leaves while I sit on my duvan and read Cosmo. And if it is raining, they can paint my toenails and clean my boat. Yeah, that is a normal day for me, sometimes I throw a tiara into the mix...but only if I am feeling saucy.

This morning was no different, I had to be transported. I started off with a massive headache 8,421 times strong and the pressure was rising higher than the current gas prices. And my feet were cold cause I did not wear socks to bed and Indiana Jones was out of town so I had no way to warm them. So I got up, brushed my teeth and went off to my make believe world. My world in which Harold already had my breakfast waiting and it was Eggs Benedict with Tabasco sauce...I am such a redneck...like in a pickup truck with NASCAR bumper sticker to boot -- if you see this while driving down the road, it will remind you of me.

I climbed down the stairs in my yoga pants and tee and started my coffee pot. Then I remembered this heavenly drink a girl at the YMCA made for me and I remade it with what I had...she used the finest tea from China with Tupelo honey....all I had was Lipton and honey packets stolen from Denny's, but I transported myself to my make-believe world. Now let's talk about these Yoga pants and the YMCA, shall we?

I joined the YMCA. Breathe, breathe. I know, I know what you all are thinking...COUNTRY GIRL? At the Y? Ha ha ha hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee giggle giggle snort. Now pick yourselves up off the floor, splash some cold water on your face and get aholdst of yourselves, sistas. Now let's be honest, I do not exercise. I do not sweat. I do not exert unnecessary energy. I do not raise my heart rate over its normal 100 beats per minute. I only do this if there is a good sale at the GAP or if I have to walk fast to keep up with someone. Yes, my resting heart rate is about 100 beats per minute. Why? It could be the inordinate amounts of Dr. Pepper with lime coursing through my veins, my heart murmur that only appears at strange moments and then hides when someone wants to check it out, or it could just be that I am a freak of nature? I am voting on the latter.

So yes, I joined the Y; but I am not turning into an exercise freak that runs every night or rides my bike 8,421 minutes a day or buys sports bras. But I joined the YMCA cause it has a pool and I can use their daycare for 2 hours per day for free. Yes, I go to the Y in my American Eagle pants and Aeropostal tee and designer sandals, sit and read the paper, and sip my fine China tea with Tupelo honey for a little over an hour and then pick my kids up and go eat at Taco Bell and ask for the gazillionth time the different between a Gordito and a Chalupa....cause seriously, aren't they both heavenly? So, my point is, how much weight do you think I will lose if I do this consistently for three months? I know, I know....I will be a whole new person...in my fantasy world. I thought about trying out a Yoga class next week. I just wish they had tanning....can you imagine how wonderful my life would then be? I could then be tan and supple....

So, off to the daily ritual of the Y. I am so consistent with this new plan. I am just saying...transformation...transformation....I think it is coming. Want to make any predictions? You think I could publish my new work out plan and make a mm? (PS That is so lingo for million, cause I am very cool like that. And I learned it teaching sixth grade math...in which I at times had to count on my fingers. Shhh...please don't judge me.)

Explanation -- Million also has the advantage of having the same initial letter as its SI equivalent prefix, namely mega- (M-) as in ‘megabytes’ and ‘megabucks’. However, there is the confusion that, from Latin, M also means thousand, and has often been used so in various business and other writing.Besides the abbreviation mn., and the metric M, the construct mm is often used in technical business writing in North America to mean a million.

Just tellin it like it is.

Well, off to the Y...I am dedicated to this grueling schedule. Honest to Blog!

PS Country Girl has a new obsession I will disclose tomorrow. Lord help me.