Lipstick - My Solution To All The World's Problems {Georgia Take Note}

I was enjoying a nice long slumber. Ya know, where you are not even cognisant that there is a world outside your dreams. Ya know the one where you are dreaming about climbing a mountain in Tibet in search of the unknown with the cutest ski jacket and matching boots trimmed in fur, or fly fishing in Montana with a khaki fishing jacket and the most darling pair of matching waders, or being electrocuted in a coffee shop which feels like lightening running through your veins. Ya know, the every a-typical dreams that everyone has, right? Don't answer that.
But I was enjoying my beauty sleep (and let me just say I need all I can get) when I was awaken by a hard throb to my upper lip. Almost like my tooth was knocked out or collagen shots. Not that I have EV-ER gotten those, or would even EV-ER consider such superficial stuff, at least not until the price comes down a little. But the pain began to radiant through my lip and into my jaw and I could feel my heart beating in my front tooth and I could see a blur of Baby Twerp and camera clicks in front of me. And then I realized what had happened. What injustice had been served to me at such an ungawdly hour in the morn.Baby Twerp had hurled an object of unbelievable weight and proportion at my sweet sleeping face. And let me tell you, not that I am a wee bit on the dramatic side or anything, but I thought my face had been amputated or stepped on by a heifer. Seriously. And look at the size of that battery. It was no triple A - that is all I am sayin. But I had places to go and peeps to see. How was I gonna cover my big fat lip? You can see that I am NOT lettin Baby Twerp off the hook easily. I am given him the evil eye -- all parents know the evil eye {insert demonic laugh}
I needed a solution and I needed one FAST. The clock was ticking and I had very little time before I had to be out the door with three twerps ready -- I had to be east bound and down. Loaded up and tuckin...I had to do what they said could not be done. It was a big job, but I was up to the challenge. So I opened my bathroom cabinet and a beam from heaven above shown down upon my solution. The glorious color palettes from Toffee Coffee to Cotton Candy Mama were at my disposal. And I think I was able to create a camouflaged fat lip. I am normal only a lip gloss girl. It is light and flirty. But drastic times caused for drastic measures. Lip stick reminds me of my Mamaw and the Avon lady. She would come knocking and we would get all the free mini tubes as samples. Mamaw let me have them and I could stretch a tube for over a week. But that was before I had such fat lips. I had less surface coverage.
I think I covered it and no one could tell. Although the slight lisp was a little bit of a give away. If confronted, I am so going with the collagen story. It makes me seem like a better parent and all. Plus, it has no "s" sounds which allows for painless speech. I must go ice.

So tell me, what would have been your solution?