Monday, August 18, 2008

Lipstick - My Solution To All The World's Problems {Georgia Take Note}

I was enjoying a nice long slumber. Ya know, where you are not even cognisant that there is a world outside your dreams. Ya know the one where you are dreaming about climbing a mountain in Tibet in search of the unknown with the cutest ski jacket and matching boots trimmed in fur, or fly fishing in Montana with a khaki fishing jacket and the most darling pair of matching waders, or being electrocuted in a coffee shop which feels like lightening running through your veins. Ya know, the every a-typical dreams that everyone has, right? Don't answer that.
But I was enjoying my beauty sleep (and let me just say I need all I can get) when I was awaken by a hard throb to my upper lip. Almost like my tooth was knocked out or collagen shots. Not that I have EV-ER gotten those, or would even EV-ER consider such superficial stuff, at least not until the price comes down a little. But the pain began to radiant through my lip and into my jaw and I could feel my heart beating in my front tooth and I could see a blur of Baby Twerp and camera clicks in front of me. And then I realized what had happened. What injustice had been served to me at such an ungawdly hour in the morn.Baby Twerp had hurled an object of unbelievable weight and proportion at my sweet sleeping face. And let me tell you, not that I am a wee bit on the dramatic side or anything, but I thought my face had been amputated or stepped on by a heifer. Seriously. And look at the size of that battery. It was no triple A - that is all I am sayin. But I had places to go and peeps to see. How was I gonna cover my big fat lip? You can see that I am NOT lettin Baby Twerp off the hook easily. I am given him the evil eye -- all parents know the evil eye {insert demonic laugh}
I needed a solution and I needed one FAST. The clock was ticking and I had very little time before I had to be out the door with three twerps ready -- I had to be east bound and down. Loaded up and tuckin...I had to do what they said could not be done. It was a big job, but I was up to the challenge. So I opened my bathroom cabinet and a beam from heaven above shown down upon my solution. The glorious color palettes from Toffee Coffee to Cotton Candy Mama were at my disposal. And I think I was able to create a camouflaged fat lip. I am normal only a lip gloss girl. It is light and flirty. But drastic times caused for drastic measures. Lip stick reminds me of my Mamaw and the Avon lady. She would come knocking and we would get all the free mini tubes as samples. Mamaw let me have them and I could stretch a tube for over a week. But that was before I had such fat lips. I had less surface coverage.
I think I covered it and no one could tell. Although the slight lisp was a little bit of a give away. If confronted, I am so going with the collagen story. It makes me seem like a better parent and all. Plus, it has no "s" sounds which allows for painless speech. I must go ice.

So tell me, what would have been your solution?

16 comments:

Bekah said...

Im not much of a make-up girl, so i would have just pretending nothing was wrong and gone with the swollen lip.

Good coverup though!

Laura B. said...

Dude...I'm not even answering your question. I am boycotting your blog because you look too darn pretty in the morning. That's no fair, it's illegal and worse yet, it's unfathomable. Gah! And you hair...don't even get me started....

I would have gone with the lipstick too... :-)

Jenn said...

He THREW a battery?! Ouch! Those things are heavy! Good thing you have your teeth! And I agree with Laura B. - it's illegal that you look that good first thing in the morning. I would have just stuck to lip gloss or chapstick myself, but you definitely covered it up well!

Becky :) said...

If I looked that good in the morning after waking up, a fat lip would be so okay with me. :-)
But to answer your question, I'm sure I would have iced it but don't know that I would have been as creative as you to use lipstick. I'm gonna remember that just in case my kid decides to throw a battery at me. :-) Then he might want to run for his life. :-)

theotherblonde said...

Okay, first mountain climbing & fly fishing? Not judging, just curious. ;)

Second, WHY did BT throw a battery at you?

Good recovery with the lip stick. I don't know what I would have done, because I don't have any lipstick - I always forget to put it on, then you gotta touch it up--ACK NO!

Katrina :) said...

Yeowuch! That swould have scared the crap outta me more than anything. Good job! Very creative. I would have started to cry, which in turn would have made my eyes all puffy and swollen and red. So good job staying calm!

Thykidzmom said...

You wake up looking like that? Holy crap! You're a lucky girl! :)

Anonymous said...

Were you taking a nap in the middle of the day? or do you always sleep with makeup and tshirt on?

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

bekah -- the lip went down really fast -- so at the end of the day, no worries.

laura -- you look gorgeous always...especially in those red heels.

jenn - get ready girlfriend, your day is comin. lol

annon - i almost always sleep in a tee -- or nothing -- i kid i kid..kinda

and i almost always take my make-up off, but was really tired...so bottom line -- i am lazy.

katrina -- i did all that too

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

the other blonde -- dreams...i know i am weird. i can't contain it, i can't explain it...[name that tune]

YES...BATTERY. he is obsessed with the thingsm but we are only buying triple a's now.

Dana Jones said...

I probably would have said I'd been stung by a bee. While giving that evil eye to Baby Twerp.

Marchelle said...

a battery??!! LOL i know its not funny.

"i thought my face was being amputated" - i laughed right out loud at my desk! like to where other people looked at me.

i like the lipstick! it's a good color!

Heidi said...

:( sad, crying:( When I first saw this picture of you I got my hopes up that you were going to do your hair for us:(
Let me explain why I am interested in this.....I have medium length hair. Thick and have some natural wave and fuzziness. I want it to grow as long as yours but always get fed up and cut it. I can actually do hair pretty good but get so tired of the whole blow dry and curling process so just wanted to see your process to learn something new. Also, what shampoo and cond do you use? I try not to wash my hair but two to three times a week but my bang and front area get greasy:( Thank you!

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

heidi -- i will do a hair post for you...i promise...although this is really hard for me cause it seems so vain...but you will have to wait until i wash my hair again...which could be awhile.

Heidi said...

Yippee! Yeehaw! Thank you! You made my day!
It's not vain at all. It's a teacher thing. It's a tutorial thing. It's a helping your fellow girl thing:):):):)

Thank you, thank you! Can't wait! You're the best! and the cutest!

Heidi said...

Oh yea! can you share your shampoo with us?