I Would Like to Thank All the Serial Killers

If you are a mom of small children you might get this post, if you are a single mom with small children there is a good chance you can relate to this post, if you have a mental illness, you will TOTALLY understand.

The Twerps go to bed at 8 pm SHARP. Why? Cause they have to get up at 6:15 am and cause most of the really good shows come on at 9 pm and this allows me to get a little liquored up before they come on. I KID. Seriously, I am totally kidding. Really.

Anyhoo, IJ has been out of town this week and I have been a little lenient of bed time. Why? Cause I just can't say no to these eyes.And if they pull out the lip, I am a gonner. I total gonner. I am putty in their hands.Well, last night or tonight (however you wanna look at it) Jetix had The Fabulous Four on at 8:00 pm. As to taunt the midgets of my humble adobe. And the cries and whines began...and I caved.

So at 8:30 pm, we were crawling into bed and OF COURSE they were ALL in my bed and OF COURSE I had to lie down with them. AND OF COURSE, I had to PRETEND to be asleep which OF COURSE led to me waking up at 1 am to realize I had fallen asleep at 8:30 and was no longer tired.

So I got up and did what ANY sane person would do at 1 am. I showered.

And while I was in the shower I heard a bump. Yes, I know A BUMP! {Gasp}

It could have been the wind. It could have been a Twerp falling out of bed. It could have been the next door fraternity boys doing GOD ONLY KNOWS what. I could have been a small knick knack falling off the wall. It could have been Eldest Twerp carrying Baby Twerp back to his bed cause he is a thrasher. It COULD have been any of those things. But it wasn't.

At 1 am on a week night while my husband was out of town and I was the sole defender of my spawn, that bump could have been innocent. But I knew it was trouble. Instantly.

I had gone to bed at 8:30 pm and had not secured the premises. It was, most certainly, a SERIAL KILLER. And I was going to die naked and with wet hair. I started to weep, but I knew I had to pull myself together.

I had just conditioned my hair and shaved one leg (I do nothing in order people) but had no other option than to leave the shower and defend my family's freedom.

I left the shower running so he (the serial killer) would not know I was onto his evil plot and began the search for a weapon. And just FYI, we store no good weapons in the Master bath. Just FYI. So, I grabbed my curling iron. (And put on one of IJ's dirty t-shirts laying on the floor.)

I then turned off the bathroom light - as to not give way my position when I opened the door (SHIVERED CAUSE IT WAS FREEZING) and tip toed down the stairs.

Did I check on the Twerps? Uhm....no. I forgot that silly minor detail. Don't go to judgin.

Anyhoo, as I rounded the corner to face my destiny I saw a figure, raised my curling iron, and SCREAMED....

AND SOMEONE SCREAMED BACK!!!!!!

And I peed.

Only to realize it was Eldest Twerp. Coming to get a drink of water. And let me just say...the picture of me standing there soaking wet with conditioner dripping down me and curling iron raised to the heavens and one of IJ's t-shirts on -- was a little too much for her. And she started to cry.

I hugged her and asked why she was crying. (DUH)

ET: "You scared me."

ME: "I am so sorry, I thought you were a serial killer."

ET: "No, I'm not hungry. I only wanted water."

And if you get that ladies and gentlemen, then you TOTALLY understand my family.

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{I must now go rinse my hair and shave a leg. Possibly not in that order though. I am such a rebel like that and all.}

PS I locked the door and set the alarm...and took a machete to bed -- so don't even think about it.

Big Pink Fuzzy Heart With Glitter,
CG