Monday, February 9, 2009

Mortification Memoirs

Sooooo, I went to Eldest Twerp's first. school. dance Friday night and we honestly had a boot scootin boogie time of it. I can say that now that I am sportin a mullet like Billy Ray and all.

Anyhoo, while we were there I kinda was takin back to my middle school years and forgot I was actually thirty-blah-blah-blah-ish. They had this knock off of Dr Pepper, aka lover of my soul, named -- I kid you not -- Dr. Radical. And in some poor white trailer trash kinda way, I liked it. A lot. A whole lot. Enough to chug three. In two minutes. With a bong. I kid. I kid. About the last part only. Kinda.

Anyhoo, while I was on my third Dr. Radical, lovin life, swayin my hips to Come On Ride That Train, and stuffin pepperoni pizza in between swigs....when a kind and beautiful lady walked up to me and touched my arm.

Her sweet eyes captivated me and made me feel a little immature, so I swallowed my stuffed cheeks of pizza as quickly as I could and finished off the remainder of the Dr. Radical so I could speak to her.

She looked at me and said, "You are such a beautiful lady. It is obvious how much you encompass life. You just have a glow about you."

Well LORDY BE! I have never. I think she might just be my new BFF.

I opened my mouth to say something equally as flattering and classy, and then. I felt it.

Deep within the bowels of my body, I felt the gas of Dr. Radical come rising to the upper chamber.

And as soon as I opened my mouth to say THANK YOU, the burp that could have accompanied the alphabet came rolling out of my esophagus. Along with a pepperoni pizza linger.

I think the glow disappeared from my face. And she saw me in a whole new light.

Poor ET. Amen.

11 comments:

TeamG - News said...

The mullet is a Billy Ray Cyrus thing - you know - Hannah Montana's dad. But the Boot Scootin Boogie is the duo Brooks and Dunn's song.

From your nativeokienashvillianinsider. :)

Glad a fun time was had by all!

AndreaLeigh said...

you are funny! oh well. it happens. sometimes those burps just escape us.

Linda said...

Well it could have been worse, um you know, it coulda been a fart.

Marchelle said...

i think it speaks volumes for just how MUCH you encompass life. and i bet she is still jealous. because i bet she can't burp like that.

Kim said...

A classy lady like that who notices joy should have laughed right alone with you on the heals of a great burp!

I would have and then been jealous that I can't belch to such epic proportions!

Dana and Daisy said...

Well, I think you just proved her point really!

I would ask her where she goes to church, maybe they need a new family of fresh faces to liven up the place and if they are anything like her, well, it'd be just the best church ever.

How is that search going anyway? Gosh, I sound like a mother asking, so dear, where are you going to church now?

solo nicole said...

that is so awesome! you made dr. rad proud!

"Hello... It's Me Again..." said...

Yup, coulda been a fart! You are hilarious!

Dreams of a Country Girl said...

better out the attic than the basement.

that is all i have to say about that. thank you and goodnight.

Anonymous said...

Oh my CG.....I am trying to control my laughter since I am suppose to be working....same thing happened to one of my sisters only in a bar, being asked to dance....nothing worse than a beer burp when you are trying to say YES!! I missed out on that night with the sisters....I was taking care of the newborn WM. :(
I heart you!
Meemaw

Cowgirl said...

No way! That's awesome!

He he... we all have those mortification memories, don't we.