Thursday, June 11, 2009

More Than You Ever Wanted to Know & An Intro to Expressing Your Dog's Anal Gland

Oh Lordy Be have I been busy. I am in the airport on my way to Washington DC today. I counted up yesterday and I have been to 17 cities in the past 8 weeks. Lawsie Mercy!

Anyhoo, I have 2 more trips planned in the next two weeks and then....sigh....nuttin.

But can I just say that honestly, I have loved every minute of it? I am usually flying into the city in the morning and flying out in the evening - so not many overnighters. And I get new shoes. And Starbucks on the company account. Just the coffee on the company account, not the shoes. I just wanted to make it clear. In case my boss reads. Cause he is totally the blog reading kinda guy. NOT! I love it when I pull a good old 90's flash-back-phrase out of my pocket. My pink and kelly green Izod pocket. Psyche! (aka Sike!) update on me. I know. Run, run as fast as you can! Go do something more interesting than out an ingrown toenail....on your spouse. Or express your dog's anal glands. What you have never done that? Well, it would be waaaaayyyy better than continuing to read below...... Mmmm-kay. Moving on. Update:

  1. The neighbor got a new puppy.
  2. It is red
  3. And has a crinkly forehead
  4. And sharp teeth
  5. And is named Zac
  6. And is some kind of bloodhound
  7. And by Christmas will weigh more than me
  8. Unless I get all crazy with the dressin and turkey at Thanksgiving
  9. Which I would not put past me
  10. I like livin like Thanks givin everyday
  11. Amen
  12. Don't go messin with my dressin
  13. Our nanny quit this morning
  14. I know
  15. She told IJ
  16. Her parents are getting a divorce
  17. And her dad is having surgery
  18. And she needs to help take care of her little brother
  19. And I wanted to hug her
  20. But she told IJ instead of me
  21. So I will hug her Monday
  22. Cause that is the next time I see her
  23. But I cannot imagine what she is going through
  24. So, we are interviewing for a new nanny
  25. I am going all crazy and I called Baby Twerp's old teacher
  26. I am gonna ask her what she makes and then offer her more
  27. Is that wrong?
  28. Probably
  29. But I want her
  30. I need her
  31. and I will bake for her my German Coffee Cake That Will Make You Yodel ... everyday
  32. But she will only get half
  33. Cause I eat the other half as soon as it comes out of the oven
  34. And then I burn my tongue
  35. So I have a gallon of milk
  36. Goats Milk
  37. Cause that is what IJ buys
  38. Cause we are on this organic/healthy kick
  39. And can I just say...Remember Middle Twerp?
  40. And the "suggestion" from his teacher that he is ADHD???
  41. And me knowing that had some validity?
  42. Well, we changed his diet...
  44. No refined sugar, corn syrup, high fructose blah blah
  45. no MSG
  46. All organic
  47. And I kid you not
  49. It took about a month
  51. Oh it cost more
  52. They eat fruit for dessert
  53. And snacks
  54. And nuts
  55. And all whole grain
  56. Low starch
  57. And it cost some moooo-lah
  58. But it is sooooo worth it
  59. And they all are learning healthy eating habits
  60. And i store all my Dr Pepper at my office
  61. And in a flask by my bed
  62. Please don't judge me
  63. And I think I might have some news July 1
  64. Maybe
  65. And I am NOT prego
  66. With an eggo
  67. Fo Shiz
  68. But momma will get a new pair of shoes
  69. If you know what I am talkin bout...WINK WINK
  70. Again, had to type this line cause of God and case he reads today....could never end on a sinful number.
  71. Cause I wear panty hose on Sundays. Amen.


nicole said...

i think you should add a how to on expressing dogs anal glands to your poll. ;)

Dana and Daisy said...

Whew! I think I need to sit down, I feel dizzy!

Linda said...

Girl! You make me need a nap! Good luck with the nanny interviews. And I didnot know about the diet thing & ADHD. I'm off to tell my Sis. Thanks!

kathleen said...

Oh my what a ton of info! I need a moment.....

Sweet Virginia Breeze said...

OK... I had to take a deep breath after reading that post. Sorry about your Nanny - hope you find another soon.

Kathy said...

We "control" my son's ADD symptoms with diet....we follow the Feingold diet. No dyes, perservatives.....SOOOO glad that worked for MT!!! YAY!!!

City girl turned Country Girl said...

BA HA HA LOL LOL!!! I love your posts, they always make me laugh!!! And yes that is quite a bit of traveling you've been doing!!

Amber said...

Just came across your's too cute. I'm glad the diet change helped..I have to do that for my hyper 3 year old..anal glands..good times..I have some stories to tell about husband used to be a pet groomer..sometimes the glands splatter all over..not pretty..
Good luck with the nanny!

Marchelle said...

i let the groomer do the expressin of my dogs anal glands. i aint goin near that hot mess. did they name him zac as in zack attack zack morris?!

soooo.....are you coming to my house in july and that's why you need new shoes? i will buy you some. hot pink frocs (that's fake crocs) from the Family Dollar. they's only $7 so i might get ya two pair even. and a case of DP.

Anonymous said...

I think Dr. Freud would have had something to say about how you always seem to end with "that" number before 70 :)