More Than You Ever Wanted to Know & An Intro to Expressing Your Dog's Anal Gland

Oh Lordy Be have I been busy. I am in the airport on my way to Washington DC today. I counted up yesterday and I have been to 17 cities in the past 8 weeks. Lawsie Mercy!

Anyhoo, I have 2 more trips planned in the next two weeks and then....sigh....nuttin.

But can I just say that honestly, I have loved every minute of it? I am usually flying into the city in the morning and flying out in the evening - so not many overnighters. And I get new shoes. And Starbucks on the company account. Just the coffee on the company account, not the shoes. I just wanted to make it clear. In case my boss reads. Cause he is totally the blog reading kinda guy. NOT! I love it when I pull a good old 90's flash-back-phrase out of my pocket. My pink and kelly green Izod pocket. Psyche! (aka Sike!)

Anyhoo....an update on me. I know. Run, run as fast as you can! Go do something more interesting than this..like...dig out an ingrown toenail....on your spouse. Or express your dog's anal glands. What you have never done that? Well, it would be waaaaayyyy better than continuing to read below...... Mmmm-kay. Moving on. Update:

1. The neighbor got a new puppy.
2. It is red
3. And has a crinkly forehead
4. And sharp teeth
5. And is named Zac
6. And is some kind of bloodhound
7. And by Christmas will weigh more than me
8. Unless I get all crazy with the dressin and turkey at Thanksgiving
9. Which I would not put past me
10. I like livin like Thanks givin everyday
11. Amen
12. Don't go messin with my dressin
13. Our nanny quit this morning
14. I know
15. She told IJ
16. Her parents are getting a divorce
17. And her dad is having surgery
18. And she needs to help take care of her little brother
19. And I wanted to hug her
20. But she told IJ instead of me
21. So I will hug her Monday
22. Cause that is the next time I see her
23. But I cannot imagine what she is going through
24. So, we are interviewing for a new nanny
25. I am going all crazy and I called Baby Twerp's old teacher
26. I am gonna ask her what she makes and then offer her more
27. Is that wrong?
28. Probably
29. But I want her
30. I need her
31. and I will bake for her my German Coffee Cake That Will Make You Yodel ... everyday
32. But she will only get half
33. Cause I eat the other half as soon as it comes out of the oven
34. And then I burn my tongue
35. So I have a gallon of milk
36. Goats Milk
37. Cause that is what IJ buys
38. Cause we are on this organic/healthy kick
39. And can I just say...Remember Middle Twerp?
40. And the "suggestion" from his teacher that he is ADHD???
41. And me knowing that had some validity?
42. Well, we changed his diet...
43. DRAMATICALLY
44. No refined sugar, corn syrup, high fructose blah blah
45. no MSG
46. All organic
47. And I kid you not
48. HE IS A NEW KID
49. It took about a month
50. BUT IT WORKS
51. Oh it cost more
52. They eat fruit for dessert
53. And snacks
54. And nuts
55. And all whole grain
56. Low starch
57. And it cost some moooo-lah
58. But it is sooooo worth it
59. And they all are learning healthy eating habits
60. And i store all my Dr Pepper at my office
61. And in a flask by my bed
62. Please don't judge me
63. And I think I might have some news July 1
64. Maybe
65. And I am NOT prego
66. With an eggo
67. Fo Shiz
68. But momma will get a new pair of shoes
69. If you know what I am talkin bout...WINK WINK
70. Again, had to type this line cause of God and all.....in case he reads today....could never end on a sinful number.
71. Cause I wear panty hose on Sundays. Amen.