I am feeling overwhelmed. And when I feel overwhelmed who do I turn to?
My only friends, but I think there is no reason to get into the details right now.
This post most certainly will be disjointed and not proper form or grammar or structure.
But when have I ever adhered to the about? Exactly.
I am sitting in an airport right now. Letting the waves of panic wash over me.
We fired our nanny -- loooong story, but basically she needs to concentrate on her studies right now. And the HUGE kicker was when I arrived home last night and she informed me Middle Twerp had had an accident at school -- at 2:00 so he might smell a little.He had a little touch of diarrhea the day before so I just assumed he had a little ouht-oh and needed a bath.
It was now 5:30. And he had sat in it for 3 and a half hours. He had a rash. She never changed him nor even wiped him. And when I arrived home they had been watching TV since 2:30.
I am so sorry -- but bye.
So I have the battle of balance...yet again. My job vs motherhood. Who am a robbing? Am I selfish? What am a sacrificing?
Then, I drove to Alabama this morning and am now flying to Texas to speak at a conference in the morning. I will be back home tomorrow evening.
IJ got a new boss this week -- who is talking about MOVING US in a year and a half. I am not ready to talk about this. All I have to say is ET!!!!!
Baby Twerp turns 4 this weekend. FOUR. Where has the time gone???? Am I there enough? Is he okay? Is this healthy?
I'm not a stay at home mom. I think the world of stay at home moms. I value them. I admire them. I know I am not one of them. AND THAT IS OKAY.
I miss my family. I miss friends. I miss having a steady lvong babysitter/support system in my life.
ET and her counselor called me on my way to Alabama this morning. ET forgot a language arts paper and told her teacher she felt like a failure -- like she just couldn't get anything right. And she felt like her advanced math class was too hard and she couldn't keep up.
I got her a math tutor 2 times a week in the morning. And I am implementing some organizational skills. And then if I allow myself to think about it even for 10 seconds that wave of panic hits me if I think about 18 more months doing it all again. ALL AGAIN.
I can't. I can't think about it right now. I popped my head up in just enough time to grab a breath and another wave hit me. Overwhelmed. Drowning. Panicked.
I need a vaca -- Linda? Here I come. Please don't lock the door.
I am okay. I am okay. I am okay!!!!!