Miracles Do Happen. Amen

We took off this weekend for our mini vaca...WHY? Because I thought I might be having a nervous breakdown between the thought of moving and work and school, and well....just life. So my blog friend LinderLoo invited us out to her little slice of heaven....and heaven indeed it was...I swear by all that is good and holy in this world that this is exactly what we needed. Now LinderLoo? Her and her loving hubby are in deep therapy right now, but you have to expect a few losses in a big operation like this.... But seriously, I have never seen a person with a greater gift of hospitality than LinderLoo -- she is amazing.

Anyhoo -- we started the day off with a little chariot tubing. Their adventurous spirit soon kicked in and they were ready to try some daredevil moves. I just knew one of them was gonna go flying through the air in acrobatic move straight out of one of them Branson shows....

But alas, they stayed safe and sound on the float...

Dry as can be....can I be honest? I was a little disappointed...I thought it would kinda be funny to see one of my spawn be catapulted through the lake...Is that wrong? If so I was totally just joking.

Now I know you are gonna think I am lying on this next one, but I swear on the future of Dr Pepper lip gloss that BT WANTED to get on the chariot....I KID YOU NOT... And he was fine Until we actually moved the boat....Uhm, then all H - E - double-hockey-sticks broke loose.
And can I just say that this is one of my fave pics ev-er....cause ET tried to diminish the pure panic and ever loving terror flowing through BT's veins. Unfortunately it did not work... He felt much better ON THE BOAT...And even more at home as the Captain. This is what he was born for...Now if you thought I was lying before -- you are REALLY gonna think I am a Baptist sinner now. Cause you all know BT has a severe aqua allergy which results in screams of terror as the flames of hell lap at his feet.

But somehow (and I ain't complain) the marvelous LinderLoo was able to perform this miracle:
Kid you not -- it was right up there with that water and wine thing....Prit near astonishing. The kid could not only swim...BUT WAS JUMPING and DIVING in the lake.

I know. I know. I performed an exorcism right then and there cause I just new my baby had become possessed.

Cause those Lake Demons can be awful powerful and all.

But alas, he had turned into Aqua Baby Twerp -- cape and all.

But at the end of the day -- we were all tuckered out.

And this was my favorite time.The sunset...The Twerps all worn out...

And the friendships and memories to last.

Ohhh Child Things Are Gonna Get Easier

It's Crazy Early O'Clock Friday morning and I woke up to think about everything going on right now. As you could tell by my last post, I am a completely stable unemotional rock. Yes, that describes me to a T: unemotional, level-headed, demur and while we are at it, let's throw in funny, talented, organized, and Mensa-like-wisdom. This is what I love about a blog, you can make this stuff up.

Anyhoo, you have no idea the support and encouragement I take from your comments and emails (THANKS CHRISTY!). I truly do value each of you and love you and appreciate you in my life. Really. And I honestly feel better already -- one day at a time. One day at a time. And you all are right -- I would not be happy as a SAHM. But God totally has my back, he proved it today.

Just as I was feeling the waves of panic and stress wash over me at the mere thought of having to move in 18 months and the juggling of my job and home responsibilities, my boss called today. And can I just say that I love my boss. He is intense, but I truly respect the man. And he is talking 90 miles a minute and in the middle of "do this and read that" he says this...

How are you? Are you doing okay? Are you overwhelmed? Do you need me to hire you a some full time help?

Uhm. pump the breaks...Have you been reading my blog??? I KID I KID. One, he is not the blog readin kind of guy. Two, I would DIE of mortification. Three, I would be fired and thus eliminate the need for a full time assistant.

So,I looked toward the heavens and said YES!!!! And then did a happy dance in my office and blew kisses to God. But in a totally not weird way. I was very cool about it.

So, I am feelin better about work. And they give me a generous amount of vaca days, I am going to start taking them. And not even get out of my PJs those days.

Then I started to think about the Twerps -- are they okay? Are they peaceful? Is this affecting the "family unit" and I went in to check on the boys and this is what I found... They have crawled up in bed together and are about as sweet and confirming of my prayers and possible.

So as ET is curled up beside me as I type this and the boys are comforted by one another and fine, there was only one other person to worry about and be concerned with.

This one? Uhm, I might still need some help with him. Apparently, I had the flash on. And apparently that will wake a bear from hibernation at Crazy Early O' Clock. RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

Dear Cosmic Void,

I am feeling overwhelmed. And when I feel overwhelmed who do I turn to?

You.

My friends.

My only friends, but I think there is no reason to get into the details right now.

This post most certainly will be disjointed and not proper form or grammar or structure.

But when have I ever adhered to the about? Exactly.

I am sitting in an airport right now. Letting the waves of panic wash over me.

We fired our nanny -- loooong story, but basically she needs to concentrate on her studies right now. And the HUGE kicker was when I arrived home last night and she informed me Middle Twerp had had an accident at school -- at 2:00 so he might smell a little.He had a little touch of diarrhea the day before so I just assumed he had a little ouht-oh and needed a bath.

It was now 5:30. And he had sat in it for 3 and a half hours. He had a rash. She never changed him nor even wiped him. And when I arrived home they had been watching TV since 2:30.

I am so sorry -- but bye.

So I have the battle of balance...yet again. My job vs motherhood. Who am a robbing? Am I selfish? What am a sacrificing?

Then, I drove to Alabama this morning and am now flying to Texas to speak at a conference in the morning. I will be back home tomorrow evening.

IJ got a new boss this week -- who is talking about MOVING US in a year and a half. I am not ready to talk about this. All I have to say is ET!!!!!

Baby Twerp turns 4 this weekend. FOUR. Where has the time gone???? Am I there enough? Is he okay? Is this healthy?

I'm not a stay at home mom. I think the world of stay at home moms. I value them. I admire them. I know I am not one of them. AND THAT IS OKAY.

Right? Anyone?

I miss my family. I miss friends. I miss having a steady lvong babysitter/support system in my life.

ET and her counselor called me on my way to Alabama this morning. ET forgot a language arts paper and told her teacher she felt like a failure -- like she just couldn't get anything right. And she felt like her advanced math class was too hard and she couldn't keep up.

I got her a math tutor 2 times a week in the morning. And I am implementing some organizational skills. And then if I allow myself to think about it even for 10 seconds that wave of panic hits me if I think about 18 more months doing it all again. ALL AGAIN.

I can't. I can't think about it right now. I popped my head up in just enough time to grab a breath and another wave hit me. Overwhelmed. Drowning. Panicked.

I need a vaca -- Linda? Here I come. Please don't lock the door.

I am okay. I am okay. I am okay!!!!!

I Am Joining a Cult, Please Come Along - Don't Tell Your Ma

I embrace new things. I love to stretch myself. To grow to try something new. To branch out on the journey of the unknown.

For example just last week I tried "Shrimp and Grits" and can I just say BE STILL MY BEATING HEART!

Shrimp and Grits + CG = True Love Forever

I wanna marry them -- LOVER OF MY SOUL.

May we please have a moment of silence for my thighs.

Thank you.

Amen.

Anyhoo, I like change. I love to try new things. I have an hankerin for adventure.

So in order to embark in growth and adventure I am gonna step out there and try something different.

But here is the deal -- I need you. I cannot do it alone. I cannot forge through this life altering moment of CHANGE without you.

I am not a rock. I am not an island. I am more of a peninsula or is it isthmus.

So - here I go. I am about to tell you the "new thing" I shall do. Please do not laugh. Please do not have expectations that I WILL BE GOOD! Please do not judge me.

Please only know this -- I need you now. More than words can say. I need you now, and I gotta find a way.

I am going to join...

a new group.

A club of sorts.

But you cannot join alone.

So I guess in essence it is kinda like a cult.

I am joining a cult and I want 9 of you to join with me.

Please don't judge me.

I am crossin over to the unknown. I have seen these people before, I have heard them speak of their cult, I have never understood. Now, I am seeking to become one of them. To cross over.

I am joining FANTASY FOOTBALL.

But what fun shall it be without you all?

So here is the deal -- I need 9 of you to join with me.

What? What is that you say? You know nothing of the mere mention of football?

Ha ha hoo hoo hee hee giggle giggle snort.

Nor do I -- that is what when I set it up, I went ahead and asked for 8 tight ends.

It's a girl thing.

So here is the scoop:

1. You create an ESPN account HERE. Its free and easy. (All you need is an email address)
2. Email me and ask for out League's Password (dreamscountrygirl@gmail.com)
3. Then go to the Fantasy Football page -- Click here
4. Our League is "Dreams of a Country Girl"
5. Join me (Come on, everybody's doin it)
6. I have set us all up on Auto Draft Picks for August 31. That way they choose our teams for us (Who is "they" I don't know. I assume old men with beer bellies like Mike Dikta. Remember the Super Bowl Shuffle? We're not here to start no trouble....we're just here to do the ..... Anyone? Anyone? Sorry someone with more knowledge than me will pick our teams,and we just judge them by there looks...and their "tight ends" Hypothetically speaking of course.
7. Then the league starts and we just check it and we can email each other and drink wine and say things like "I am so sorry I beat you this week. But you have that precious Kurt Warner -- isn't he so darling? So even while you may be loosing, you are still a winner." Cause that's how we girls play
8. Unless it is me who wins -- then I might buy a sash and crown.
9. Hypothetically speaking
10. And in a dream world -- on our leagues FINAL GAME (is there one? i am clueless) Maybe all 10 of us can meet at my house and watch and drink wine and eat sinful desserts and apply Dr Pepper lip gloss and make matching puffy-paint shirts

So puh-leez for the love of sweet Jesus and for all that is good and holy in this world, join this new cult with me.

Email me at :

dreamscountrygirl@gmail.com

and let's get this party started!?!?!?

PS Indiana Jones and I have a bet who (if any) of you will respond. Please don't make me lose. :)

Answers To Your Burnin Questions {giggle}

You had questions and I have answers. I also have a bad case of the giggles today. So please don't take anything I say seriously. And for the resume girl? If you need help, email me. I will do anything I can. xxxooo CG

Melinda said...
I really want to know if your family has any pets...dog? cat? bird? fish? If so what and if not, why?

Did my Twerps have you send this in? Seriously?!?! They have been beggin for a pet. And I, being the cruel and evil mother that I am, have said -- Wanna Popsicle? And then they forget all about it. Sure they are going to be 8,421 pounds, but PET FREE. I consider it a small price to pay.

In all seriousness we had Jeter. He was a 100 pound chocolate lab. And he was WILD. And when we moved from the Ghetto to the Plantation, we gave him away to a nice single young man who lived on a farm and can show Jeter the amount of attention he needs. And he knocked me and the Twerps down every chance we got. The dog, not the nice young single man on the farm. Just thought I should clarify.

We had 2 fish since. I think we should just leave it there. Notice the past tense.

August 29th is Baby Twerps birthday. We have told the boys when they are 7 and 5 we will get them a pet. BT will be 4 -- so technically we have another year. Funny thing about 4 year olds, they don;t really play on the whole technicality thing.

Soooo -- I MIGHT MAYBE KINDA consider a hermit crab or hamster. Now, need I remind you of what happened to ET's class hamster a WEEK after we watched her? Again, past tense.

Soooo -- we will see. I also enjoy pet rocks immensely.

Linda said...
A mini vaca? Hmmmm...I know where you can find some Dr Pepper lip gloss;-)

I think you know -- and it will be BT's birthday and I will have a glass of wine to celebrate. He likes me better after a glass of wine. And then we will get all dolled up with Dr P lipgloss and paint the town -- or our toenails -- whichever seems like a better idea.

Jenn said...
I think we need a tour of your new house! We have seen bits and pieces.
Okay -- I am more than willing to do that. The thing is I will have to make my beds and stuff everything under the beds. But still, for you, I will.

How is the organic diet for the family going?
Very well. Thanks for asking. We are sticking to it 90% of the time but not freaking out if we eat something PROCESSED or heaven forbid -- WITH SUGAR. The great thing now is we are learning enough to shop at the regular grocery store but just KNOW what to look for and avoid. It is cheaper that way cause Whole Foods can sometimes be a little pricey.

How does all your traveling for the job affect the twerps?
When I travel I either leave late at night once they are in bed or first thing in the morning Then I am back by supper time. So, really -- they only miss me when they wake up and IJ handles it. It is good for them to have mornings with dad sometimes too. So really, it works out quite well.

One the days you are in town, is your job a normal 8 or 9-5?
I really can set my own schedule. But yes -- 8ish to 5ish. I drop the kids off at school and then come in. The nanny picks them up and is with them for 2 to 3 hours then I am home. :)

What kind of camera do you use?
Nikon D40x -- Lover of my soul.

Did ET ever confess her water bottle "lies" to the school?
YES -- and the principal thanked her for being a girl of honesty and integrity. LORDY BE!

What's your favorite mexican dish? (I know, it's like picking a favorite child)
OH I DON'T KNOW. I was at this Mexican restaurant one time in a little town in Oklahoma and had this chicken with this white sauce and spinach and shrimp and it make my hiney tingle. And then I had these fried flautas -- my thighs sang out in glory and anything with HOT sauce. Cause I do not know if you are aware of this fact or not -- but I am the Boss with the hot sauce. Roll it on back to my crib. I yie yoo yippe ki aye ae

Tinman said...
Have you replaced your Dr. Pepper Lip Gloss with the new and improved stuff?Tin Man
Uhm, no. But I think I know what I am getting my dad for Christmas.

Dana and Daisy said...
you are so the shiniest glitter on the heart CG!
I love you.

Anonymous said...
Any top secret surefire tips on getting one's resume noticed in this tough job market? Or something just crazy/bold enough to get their attention that doesn't scream I'm crazy?
When I graduated college and wanted to get a job, I made a spreadsheet of EVERY elementary and middle school within a 30 minute drive of my house. I listed the school, the address, the principal and the secretary. I then printed off that many resumes and a binder of my work. I took the next 4 days going to EVERY SINGLE SCHOOL and calling the secretary by NAME and asking to see the principal (BY NAME). I then spent 30 seconds tellin him WHY he should hire me. I visited over 100 schools. I got 4 interviews and one job offer.

The BEST way is to network -- if you know someone have them take your resume in. BE AGGRESSIVE. Call -- call again. Go visit. Look almost stalkerish. If you get arrested, you have gone too far.

Chris said...
Now, CG, I know you don't have any hairs on your big toe because you shave them off........like me. Right? You do shave them off, right? Please, tell me I am not the only one?
Yes, I shave them. And my middle toe too. Please don't judge me.

Jen said...
Ok... new to the blog thing and I just think you are so funny!!Thanks for the fun and laughs while reading. I wanted to know what you do? (besides of course raise your sweet babies)Jen in California
I work for a non-profit education company to promote equity and access to students of diverse backgrounds and ethnicity.

Lisa said...
Hey CG!We (2 young adults, no kids) will be flying over to Ga in December for a wedding in the Atlanta area. We have 3 weeks to travel the US but will concentrate on the South. Any travel advice? Things we don't want to miss?LoveLisa from Germany
1. In one day go see the World of Coco Cola and the Aquarium in Atlanta. They are right beside one another. Also see Olympic Park across the street. Eat at Paschals and order shrimp and grits for an appetizer (BEST in the WORLD) the BBQ chicken, mac and cheese and collard greens followed by peach cobbler -- and of course sweet tea. Then burp.
2. Come to my house and drink wine with me.

Shelle said...
Have you tried the Chicken Poop Lip Junk yet?
No

What cd is in your car right now?
The Great Divide and David Gray

Do dips in the pool count as baths for twerps?
Uhm, yes. And if you are not judgin, for me too.

Conversations with God

WARNING: What I am about to type is first and foremost UNBELIEVABLE. If it had not happened to me I would not believe it. Secondly, please do not comment me and tell me how awful I am and how I might not get into heaven -- I am already very aware of these things.

This is just an honest conversation between God and a flawed Country Girl. I went to a little prayer meeting at a local church Saturday morning. When I told my friend I would go with her, I HAD NO CLUE what it would be. It was about 25 people in a tiny chapel talking to God. It was precious. Now, I could have EASILY been everyone's granddaughter -- possibly ever GREAT granddaughter - seriously. But I talk loud anyway so it all worked out.

Now as most of you are aware, I am a lover not a fighter. I embrace and accept all. I despise judgement and cling to love. I don't hate, I appreciate.

But I must confess two things to you. Please still love me.

1. I have a horrible prejudice against people with body odor. I know. I know. But it is true. I am a body odor bigot. I hide my face in shame.
   
2. When I get hungry -- like really really hungry. I am talkin hungry like a hostage, I get grumpy. Very grumpy. As in spinning head and pea soup on menopause. Seriously.

As I was getting ready to leave the house at 8:15 AM on a Saturday morning, I failed to eat breakfast -- I mean how long can a prayer meeting be, right? Uhm, at hour number three my belly was growling. At hour number four I was famished. At hour number five, the pea soup was about ready to burst forth in all it's glory. Now all this would have been fine and dandy except for Leroy behind me. Leroy -- dear sweet Leroy had forgotten his deo for his B.O. And at hour five, I was gagging. And although the sanctuary could have easily fit 100 people, we were all within a 2 x 2 seating space cause we just loved each other that much. And Leroy's chair was so close behind me I COULD FEEL HIS BREATH IN THE TOP OF MY HEAD! I KID YOU NOT! And Leroy was a bumper. He kept kneeing my chair sending me flying across the metal folding chair and catching myself on the wooden floor. Leroy was gettin my goat.

And just when I thought I had taken all a girl can take, Leroy started getting a WORD. A word from God. And it of course, got him all emotional. And he was a sniffin and a snortin and cryin like a southern woman. AND THEN -- THEN -- as he was wipin his nose -- A DRIPLET OF SNOT FELL ON MY ARM! Did you hear me A DRIPLET OF LEROY'S SNOT FELL ON MY ARM. I gagged outloud. And looked up to God -- like ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Several minutes passed a Leroy was waiting in the prayer line to get to the altar for healing. He was standing right beside me and I was seated with my arms crossed -- prayin something like this....

Seriously God! We are going on hour six. Can't you at least give me some manna? Where is that sweet aroma of prayer -- cause that CANNOT be the scent I am smelling. Lord, I will sacrifice a small animal, fast for a week, buy a rosary...JUST TELL ME HOW OT GET OUT OF HERE.

And I swear by all that is good any holy in my life -- GOD SPOKE TO ME. Now I did not hear a booming voice or nothing majestic, it was my voice....but I KNOW IT WAS NOT ME. Cause I NEVER would have said this. He said.....

"Give Leroy 40-11 dollars."

Now I use 40-11 here cause the amount is not important. Just listen.

While I normally would have talked this over with IJ, there was no time. I was moments away from going into a diabetic coma or passing out from dehydration. And my friend (WHO DROVE) must have eaten a buffet before we came -- cause she was NO WHERE near ready.

So, I reached in my purse to write a check. It was worth my life. And as I pulled my checkbook out -- I saw there were only deposit slips. I WAS OUT OF CHECKS.

"Sorry God, I would have written a check...but I am out. Now, can I leave?"

AND THEN here we go again...

"You have your check card - go to the ATM." I kid you not that is what God said.

SERIOUSLY! I mean he has to spin all the orbits and make it rain and orchestrate peace and solve hunger -- and he KNOWS ABOUT MY CHECK CARD??? So -- in the 90 degree weather I take my debit card and go outside to find an ATM.... and this is what I see...Barren Land. I start to walk -- and 8,421 miles later I see this.You say Wachovia -- I say Promised Land. Now here is the KICKER -- I took my credit card instead of my debit card. Sounds trivial -- but I DO NOT HAVE A PIN number for my credit card. IT WAS THE WRONG CARD. So I walk all the way back to the church to get the right card.

And guess who I see as I am walking up -- LEROY -- in the parking lot -- SMOKING! SMOKING. Seriously God, if he has enough money to buy cigarettes does he need MY MONEY?

So I get the right card and go back to the bank... Then, this is the message I get --

Sorry God, I tried. The ATM machine is down -- AND THEN LIKE A LIGHT FROM HEAVEN I LOOKED ACROSS THE STREET AND SAW THIS...ANOTHER BANK!At this point and time I was sweating like a PIG -- the whole B.O. thing was quite ironic now. But alas, I had used my card too many times at this point and it denied me too. I walked back to the church -- hot, sweaty, mad and not feeling the whole prayer thing. I was livid with such a wild goose chase.

I mean how many times have I "heard" God speak in my life -- uhm -- ONCE. ONCE in 33 years. Now in a matter of hours he has talked to me TWICE over NOTHING. Then, just to add to my HORRIBLE mood -- he talks -- one last time.

I look over at the table and he says -- ask him for his address and MAIL IT TO HIM!

That is when I got all sassy --

"GOD -- you are tellin me to ask LEROY - BO, snot spewin LEROY for his ADDRESS so I can mail him a CHECK??? Uhm, seriously all-knowing one -- could you have not asked me this BEFORE I spent the last hour of MY LIFE in the heat trying to find and ATM.

Ironically, he did not respond back. He seems to be a bigger person than me and all.

So, I got Leroy's address which was AWKWARD and humiliating and WEIRD....and we walked out to our car to leave and Leroy followed us smoking and askin what in "tarnation" I could be sending.

Then, he looked up and asked, "It ain't an electric guitar is it?"

Gosh, God always makes me smile.

Oh How I Love Thee - Let Me Count the Ways

I have a stalkerish obsession with Dr Pepper lip gloss. We have been together since college. And while he is mainly a fling and provides no deep substance, he has been in the background of my love life for ages. So you can imagine the emotional break down that occurred when our Walgreen and CVS stopped carrying my lover. Even Target had empty shelves. I was wondering all of Georgia like a meth addict needing my next fix. I was a shell. An empty shell. heart-broken. Barren. And alone. And with dry bland lips.

So I sent out an SOS -- and boy was there a response!! My blog readers begin to send my lover to me in waves. LinderLoo sent the stand-by. My faithful missionary lover. And I went to bed with him that night.But them she sent me this new sassy trio. THREE sexy Italian lovers? Be still my beating heart.And can I also say this is all new never seen before? HEAVEN HELP ME!

My BFF Feather sent me a MEGA stick -- you know. The big daddy.
More is better, ladies.

And my dear sweet father? Uhm exsqueeze me?

Why is it that your dad always picks out the stable traditional man?

I Can Feel It Comin in the Air

I woke up this morning with that nervous panic in my stomach. I knew something was causing my adrenaline to be pumpin and my heart to be a racin. Then I realized what it was -- the clock was tickin. And summer is almost over. Summer. My sweet lazy sister.
Oh how I love thee -- let me count the ways....
So when things happen that I don't like I resort to my usual coping skills -- AVOIDANCE. I am going to pretend summer is not ending. As a matter of fact, I am dating all my checks June 21, 2009. That will show 'em. And I am wearing a bikini to work.

I KID I KID. Maybe.

And I am going to take a mini vaca with the family.

And I am going to host AN ALL NEW AND IMPROVED ASK CG.

Okay, not really new and improved, by why get into the details. It is summer after all. Lazy no-details-allowed summer.

And to add to the boredom and mundanes of summer, I am going to answer all your burnin questions. Maybe you wanna know my contact lens perception or how many hairs I have on my big toe or if I have ever had a wart or my most embarassin moment or a pic of my underwear drawer I KID!

Or maybe you need advice. Now while I am not the shiniest glitter on the heart, I do love to tell people what to do. It just seems to be soooo much easier to take charge in other people's lives than in m y own. Now in my own life I HAVE NO CLUE -- but in yours, I will know exactly what to do...probably. I mean more times than not. Usually.

So -- ASK AWAY! Keep me care free and easy going and believin that summer is here to stay.

I love you all,
Country Girl

PS You can comment in the comment section (fancy that) or email me at
dreamscountrygirl@gmail.com