Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Breaking the BIG News to Eldest Twerp

So I picked ET up from school yesterday and said I HAVE SOME BIG NEWS. But we can't share it with anyone. But I have to tell someone. Then I asked her if she could keep a secret and she said YES, of course. But you've probably already told your make believe blog friends. Don;t you judge me, ET. Don't you judge me!
Then I told her in a voice that was probably too high pitched for humans to intercept (but dogs were all over it) that there was gonna be new life bursting forth. That right now as we speak cells were doubling and HCV levels were tripling and ooohhhhhh...fallopian tubes were tubing. And she gave me this look. She is a to-the-point kinda person. We are exactly alike and all.
And I said...someone has LIFE growing in their belly. And when that LIFE comes forth, you will be related to it...
The she looked at me and said, "YOU?"

And I said "Do you want it to be me?"

And she said, "No."
OK -- then I told her who it was....and she was all cool and stoked and happy and she squealed.
But wait, there is more....Possibly 4 more.

Amen.

Ha Ha Hoo Hoo Hee Hee Giggle Giggle Snort

Seriously, very few things are worthy of me spending my time searching on the web to find and replay and then post. OK, we all know that is not true please let me feel like I have a life for a moment.

Anyhoo, this is the most hilarious commercial I have seen in a really, really long time.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Your Questions Answered - Cause I Love You And All

KinaBolina said... What are your views on Canada?
I have been there. It is beautiful Absolutely beautiful. Although it is REALLY cold. And I look better in summer attire, so I do not think I would live there. And they are neutral. I like neutral people. Who picks on Canada? NO ONE. Who does Canada talk bad about? NO ONE. I am just sayin, that is my kind of attitude.

I know you love cheese, but is there any circumstance in which you would turn down an offering of cheese? Please describe - hypothetically of course.
If it were moldy or if had been dropped on the floor and little hairs were attached. I would not eat it then. Unless I could pick them off. Probably.

Have you ever been mugged? If so, did your mugger end up becoming friends with you?
Nope. Never mugged. But I would like to think they would just ask me for money, cause I would probably give it to them anyway. IJ still yells at me to this day because there was a woman with 6 kids one time who asked me for $35 to pay her rent I HAD NO CASH ON ME, so I did what any responsible reasonable person would do: I wrote her a check. I think this was a fine solution. IJ? Not so much.

Multiple Choice or Essay tests?
Essay. Hands down. No question about it.

J said... If you won a million dollars, what would you do with and why?
I would do one of two things. Am I allowed to have 2 choices here?

1. I would change nothing. Tell no one and start making a list of people I could make a difference for. No one I am related to, cause no one I am related to really needs anything. No one I really know either. I would not quit my job, but I would listen more intently and seek people to anonymously make an impact. Maybe a single mom needs a home. Maybe a middle aged unemployed man need a float until he can find work. Maybe a special needs mother needs a home built to adapt to her families new needs. Maybe a husband needs some medical bills of his wife's paid. that is how I would make a difference. One person at a time. BUT! Here is the kicker. They would have to PROMISE to make a difference to someone else and tell me about it. If they needed money, I could help. And then that person would have to promise to help someone and so on and so on.....

2. I would change nothing. Go back to night school to become a Physician's Assistant. I would hire a personal tutor and pack my famiy up and move to Africa. I would then start a school and provide basic medical needs for families. IJ would build wells, lead people, and save souls. Cause thats what he does.

3. Please don't make me choose.

Brandy said... Obviously we all know your kids as ET, MT, and BT. And obviously you are pretty used to calling them that when you write. Do you ever accidentally call them that in real life?
Nope. Not yet.

*J said... Favorite sports announcer?
Okay -- I actually have three.
1. Bobby Knight - he just started but he is goooood. As he is with everything.
2. Bob Costas -- he works with my nonprofit company to provide scholarships for teachers. And I have met him in person and he really does have a heart for people.
3. Holy Cow? Holy Cow? The glasses? The personality? The chuckle? Harry Caray

ptamom3 said... Discipline tactics please??
I love the book Love and Logic by Jim Fay. I have been to all the classes and taught the courses. I am a firm believe in logical consequences for your child while the price tag is still affordable. It is affordable when they are 8, 11, 14, and even 17 -- but not when they are 32 and bankrupt or 23 and in jail. Amen.

Secondly, my favorite is I refuse to argue. Period. I go brain-dead. And I truly believe in the consequence fitting the crime. Let me explain.

I say my request one time and one time only. Then when the whine starts, here is an example:

"Clean your room"

"Mom, I always have to clean my room"

"Probably so" (This is my braindead saying. Some have "bummer" or "That's so sad." You pick)

"You never make the boys clean their room"

"Probably so"

"No one else has to clean their room on Saturdays"

"Probably so"

"I am Cinderella trapped in an 11 year old body waiting for the doom and despair of life here in hell to pass."

"Probably so. Let me know when you are done." (Insert smile and kiss)

Insert three hours later when no room is clean and someone goes downstairs to play the Wii.
Insert mom walking in and turning off the TV.
Insert sigh and whine and rolling of eyes and gnashing of teeth.

"Feel free to play the Wii when your room is clean Sweetie."

"You are the cruelest mother alive."

"Probably so."

Insert slamming of bedroom door.

Insert mom going to the garage.

Insert mom taking ET's bedroom door off the hinges and removing it until further notice.

Hypothetically speaking of course.

Did you ever think of modeling?
Ha ha ha hoo hoo hoo hee hee giggle giggle snort. I love you. I want to marry you and have your babies. Amen.

Any more twerps on the horizon?
I think one more.

Will BT learn to swim this season? I know you must be hoping!
If I were a betting girl, no.

zena said... How do you get your hair so bouncy and Cosmo-girlish? We (seem) to have the same length and texture, but my hair will go flat and curless about half and hour after fixing it.
I tease it and use Pantene hairspray. I have coarse hair. I also only wash it like every three days, unless you are judging me. Then I was totally kidding.

Via Email
Do you have any advice for strong willed women how to influence their husbands and help lead him to the right decision without, you know totally emasculating him and all? I mean Indiana Jones sure seems like the leader and all, but we know, you are not a mousy chick and a door mat, so shed some light on this for us less intelligent ones, what do you do when you know you know something he needs to know but if you tell him he will just turn the other way and decide something totally different than you think is best, and sometimes he might even do it just to spite you? Can you help a girl out with those kind of issues? Hypothetically speaking?

First, even if you think he has just made the stupidest remark or his thoughts are about as retarded as they can possibly be -- NEVER SAY IT IN PUBLIC. EVER. In front of his friends, he is the smartest most amazing man you have ever met. Period.

Secondly, I always stop and think, is this really what is BEST in this situation or really what I want? If I can take my selfishness out of the equation and still really feel my thoughts and opinions are valid. I wait. Cause I am an emotional gal. And if I speak right then, I will flub it up.

Thirdly, I ask questions. I never say what I really think. I ask questions to make him think about it. In a NON THREATENING kind of way. Let's say IJ thinks we should paddle the kids every night before bed cause they have probably done something bad that they got away with anyways. And I think we should use shock treatment. I would say something like.

You know at the end of the day, I truly want what is best for the Twerps and I know you do too. I appreciate how you helped me last night with them and paddled them for me. I just hate doing that and it means a lot that you stepped up and took the leadership in that. What do you think I can do to be better at disciplining?

Insert IJ telling me I am a patsy.

"I know. You are right. I just stop at the end of the day and think about the affect of my actions on them. I want to always show them love first and correction secondly. Do you think we are doing a good job at that? Do you think we would be more effective if we used shock treatment?"

I also pick my battles. I let little things go. Big things I will hang on to. And honestly, there is only about one big thing a year -- like living in the ghetto. Hypothetically speaking.

Do you and Indiana Jones ever dream about living on a farm someday?
Yes. Yes. And Yes. Me? Daily.

From email
I am about 5 weeks from graduating with my degree in English Education from the the same University you obtained your Masters Degree . If I remember correctly you used to teach in Oklahoma. Anyways, my question is about finding a job. Do you have any tips for the application process? Any hot tips for an interview? And contacts that you could pass my way? : ) We are actually making a move to the Tulsa area over the summer....so I will be looking for a position (hopefully middle school) up that way. I am so nervous about this part of the journey, but let's be honest I need a job! Any advice, help, info you can give, I would be honored to take! I could go on and on, but I'll stop there!

Oh honey. I am on a roll. Sit back and wish you NEVER asked.

1. I use to be an assistant principal and taught 6th grade for 6 years. I also worked at the OK DOE. I llloooovvvee education.

2. In an interview, I looked for four things in a teacher. I would ask questions multiple ways to find out these four things. Every school is different. So these will be different for each school...BUT...here are mine:

A. Team Work: I want to know you are comfortable and independent to take on your own challenges, but I also want to know you will die to your self to work as a team for the better of the school. You will bring creative ideas to the table, but of course you will listen to the wisdom of the team and fit into the niche. Your goal is to make things smooth and transitional in the process.

B. Parent Communication: this is VITAL to me. Communication does not happen by accident but only through preparation and intentional planning. what is your process of keeping parents up to date and informed? Is there such a thing as too much parental communication? NO NO NO! I want parent emails, newsletters, random calls for GOOD THINGS, signed tests, grade checks, open door policy, parent volunteers, blah blah blah. I LOVED community involvement. Have a plan. Work your plan/

C. Classroom Management: Can you control your class and thus maximize time on task for the students? Have a plan. Give specific examples. Nail this one. BE SPECIFIC

D. Pedagogy: I wanna know that you DIFFERENTIATE and how you do it. Read How To Teach Gifted Kids In the Regular Classroom by Susan Winebrenner. This book changed my life. Implement these strategies during your student teaching and refer to them. Give me specific examples. Let me know you KNOW your students and are attached to them and at the end of the day -- it is NEVER too much work to teach a child. NEVER. Have a sample lesson ready to share.

I am gonna ask you to share a success. BE CONFIDENT. I am going to ask you to share a failure.....TELL ME HOW YOU LEARNED AND TURNED IT INTO A SUCCESS.

Dress like a superintendent. Wear a jacket and pants. If you wear a skirt wear hose and have it BELOW THE KNEE Forgo all apple attire. Amen.

Have some student work samples

Have a resume, transcript, and some leave behinds in a PROFESSIONAL NICE packet for each interview member. Have the first page have your contact info on it. I had these professionally done at KINKOS. It cost $60 but it shows I am professional and care about the job.

To get an interview you ARE NOT going to be able to put in an application at the central office and sit back and wait.

Print off a spreadsheet of all schools -- not the ones you wanna work at BUT ALL SCHOOLS. Do Tulsa, Jenks, Owasso, and Broken Arrow. Print out the school name, principal name, secretary name, and a blank box for contact. GO SEE EACH PRINCIPAL WITH A RESUME AND A REQUEST for time to sit down and share about yourself. You will see maybe 30%. BE NICE TO THE SECRETARY. I saw no one unless my secretary approved. Period. Go to elementary (if you are certified), and high schools. TAKE WHATEVER. Network. NETWORK. NETWORK.

After the visit call back in 2 DAYS and follow up. DO NOT FORGET THIS STEP!

Tulsa Public Schools will be receiving almost $17 million in Title I funds. These go to schools with at least 40% free and reduced lunch students. That means schools that are low socioeconomic schools will have funds to hire more teachers. Capitalize on this. say no to nothing. Also, Owasso and Broken Arrow will be receiving Stimulus Title I funds. Jenks will, but much less ($608,000). Go after it. Be aggressive.

Let me know if you want more. I can ramble all day about this. I will also be happy to look over your resume and cover letter if you want.

XXXOOOO,
CG

Sunday, March 29, 2009

An Opportunity, A Cleanse, And Ask CG

This post will be disjointed and not connected at all. Soooo not like ANY of my other posts. Nope, not at all. Cause I am normally VERY outlined and transition extremely clearly to every new subject. I am making Mexican tonight. And we went to the Aquarium today. My favorite color is pink and I love unicorns. They are to real! Just cause you can't see them doesn't mean they are not real. Look at God. And the wind. But I got three things to get off my chest. And I could do three separate posts, but I barely have the time to do all the posts I gots swirling in this organized, color coded brain of mine. So, I am combining posts. Please still love me.

First, let me say I am gonna have a contest this week. I hate to say contest. It's not really a contest. Hopefully it will be an opportunity for a difference. Cause at the end of the day, what is life all about? Let's all say it together: OTHERS.

Secondly, let me say I was ugly to someone last week that did not deserve ugliness in that way. And has anyone ever had a moment of ugly spew forth and immediately wish they could be kind and rewind? No, of course you all have not. Cause you are the sweetest thangs alive. BUT I am sorry. It is not me to act this way. It was unacceptable. I was able, for the first time in my life, to say the exact thing I wanted to say, at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards, I felt terrible. I was cruel, and I'm never cruel. And even though I can hardly believe what I said mattered – what if it did? No matter how appauld I am, there is no excuse for my behavior. I have no excuse. I hope it gets from here to there. Amen.

Thirdly, I got some uncovered things somewhere in my mind that someone needs to ask. I am sure there is SOMETHING you all have not asked yet.

So we are gonna have an all new ASK CG.

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Anyone? {Insert Crickets.}

I am warning you, I lead a very simple life. But maybe you wanna know about it. Like where I spent my sixteen birthday. Or my favorite gum. Or my must have candy. Or my embarrassing secrets. Or how I make hard decisions. Or my favorite sports announcer -- HOLY COW!

OR MAYBE you wanna know things about you -- like advice. Maybe what to to name your baby....or what color lip gloss would be best for you....or what perfume says "come hither" ever so softly....or how to get a girl to swoon.....or how to per-fect the armpit fart - cause I am the bomb dot com at the armpit fart. Please don't judge me.

Anyhooo, my friends of wondrous light and splendor, go forth and ask away -- and I shall answer. Leave a comment below or feel free to email me at

dreamscountrygirl@gmail.com

And in the meantime, begin to think about people that we can make a difference for. Cause we will. Amen.

Swim Lesson Quatro: We Find Common Ground

Baby Twerp completed his fourth swim lesson and can still hold the title of not getting his face wet, or actually swimming. But this week was the first week we have not came running and screaming from the pool, "I'm on fire. Help me Baby Jesus. Help me Tom Cruise. Save me with your magic."You see Swim Instructor Sent From Heaven Above and Baby Twerp found common ground this week. They debated the Final Four.First Baby Twerp explained his strategy and why Nova was gonna make it to the Final Four. How Pitt was a second half team and was worn down. How, he believed Blair was gonna be shut down and Nova would rise from the Elite Eight to the Final Four. He was most certain of it. Swim Instructor Sent From Heaven Above listened intently to the predictions of a three year old.
And he told BT, "Get your head in the game! You have to think through this strategy. Pitt wants it. Think if the instate rivalry of Pitt and Nova. Nova is going down BT! Down, down, down."
Then BT asks him about OU and UNC? Swim Instructor Sent From Heaven Above goes into his speech of the gods of UNC. BT shoots right back -- What about the Griffin brothers? No one can shut down Blake! This is going to be his last year in NCAA, we all know he is going pro next year. He is too big and is getting beat up in the college.
Then, Swim Instructor Sent From Heaven Above says, "Who? The homeschool boys?"
Then it was on like Donkey Kong.
The shook on it and said, "Until next week."
BT knows his BB.
And he can't wait til next week.

Friday, March 27, 2009

The Internet and WWII

Soooooo, I picked Eldest Twerp up and was on the way to school when this conversation occurred:

"Mom, I am doing a group project in Social Studies and we had to come up with a topic by today."

"Oh really? What creative and witty idea did you come up with?"

"Okay mom. Get ready. Cause no one else will have this. We really thought hard. And I don't want to seem all braggy, but I am the one who had the idea."

"Oooooh, ET. Let me hear it."

"The Internet and WWII"

I have no come back for that.

"Well, Eldest Twerp. I like your way of thinking. I like how you try to bring together the past and the present to make things relevant. Good thinking."

"Yeah mom. That is what I was doing. And I thought I could I could use the Internet to do the research."

"Well, let's think about how we can BROADEN the Internet to maybe include more things. Cause you know even when I was a kid, there was no Internet."

"YOU WERE BORN BEFORE WWII?"

Please excuse me while I go curse the very public school system I have dedicated my life to serving.

We are now doing "Technology and WWII" Cause she wants to make an atomic bomb. That's all. Thank you and good night.

I Love My Cousin

You know how sometimes God just places people in your path at the right place, doing the right things at the right time? That is my beautiful and wonderful cousin. We had a little card game and I hate to brag and all, but I totally smoked the socks off Uncle Carl -- and he is the King of All Card Games Cause He Plays Every Night With His Groupies In Florida uncle. I think we all have one. It is okay -- embrace the love.Anyhoo, I just want to give a shout out to family. and friends. Cause at the end of the day, you know what life is all about? OTHERS!
And my cousin lives it.
Muh Wah!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

For All The Junior High Boys Within

Good Morning! I like to start my mornings with a little jolt - some pizazz - some juice. a little bolster. And let me tell you, if anyone can use a jolt this morning, it is me. There was such an outcry when I posted about a few little earthworms last week, that I decided to add a little fuel to the fire. I mean you only live once and all, right? You mize well go for it.I picked the Twerps up and took them to the park. And I swear by all that is good any holy in this world, there is something within a boy that can find any sort of parasite, insect, arachnid, or slimy thing that would make a girl scream. They are born with the gross magnet deep within the bowels of there being. Sorry. I am part Junior High Boy myself.Anyhoo, this slug was immediately spotted. And what was sooooo intriguing about this particular being was the string of snotty mucus it left behind. And the thought that it MIGHT be able to be transferred into SOME ONE'S HAIR. I will spare you the pics.
But alas, we now have a new pet....
And I am thinking you all will want DAILY updates on his status. And LOTS AND LOTS of pics.
And I can also ship customized snot trails upon request.
This is the kind of dedicated friend I am.
Big Pink Fuzzy Heart With Glitter,
Country Girl

Mother Daughter Day

Sunday, Eldest Twerp and I had a little mother daughter day. And we both found a new lover of our soul: Gelato. For her, mint chocolate chip. For moi: dolce de leche. In transition, "dolce de leche" ironically enough, means "Lover of CG's Soul." How cool is that?
Please don't judge me.
But in this little girl's heart? There is room for none other than mint chocolate chip.
Seriously, it is hard sometimes to look down in those eyes and wonder what kind of impact you are making. The move, the new school, the transitions. How does it all change the very person she is? How do the decisions I make make an impression on her life forever.Motherhood: It is a big responsibility. And you only have one chance to get it all right. God help me. But there is always shopping ... and ET's quirky sense of humor. She wanted me to post this like a Where's Waldo. But instead call it Where's ET?
She makes me smile. Always.

The Presentation and Infamous Binders

Below you will find the only pictures I took while in NYC. Why? I took my camera, of course, but thought it to be a tad bit weirdo to take my camera in the Board Room or to dinner with the Sr VP. But I almost did. On Monday, I was not well. I had a temperature of 103 and my life was going to hell in a handbasket. Fo Shiz. But I did have this DARLING jacket I bought for my presentation on Tuesday, so even if the fever fried my brain and I was dehydrated from the tears, at least I would look snazzy. Priorities people. And here I was in my posh hotel room only hours before the big presentation. Still no binders.So we went into the Board Room on the top floor, and I presented my little heart out. And right at the point that I would have referenced the binders...in walks the mail girl with a box filled with these...
And my heart sang forth in glory...and I nailed it. Every last bit of it. And the President even told me so. I so needed this. I so so needed this.

Thank you for your prayers and Buddha belly rubs. I love you all.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Baby Twerps Niche and My Presentation Update

So swimming wasn't Baby Twerps thang and all. And I understand that so we moved on this weekend to other things.
And lo and behold, I think we found it....
This child was a master on the bike....
And giggled the entire time.
Just look at him...
Can we all take a moment and "ahhhhhh"?
Cause I totally am....and will always love this little boy. He will always bring an "ahhhhh" to my lips.
And NO HE IS NOT MY FAVORITE.
But definitely in my Top 3.

PS My binders arrived during the presentation -- perfect timing. AND the president and CEO of the company just came in to tell me HOW GREAT WE DID. I was blogging. Amen.